What to do?

safehome

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6years. I love her so much but I find it hard to live with her. She can be controlling and gets very angry. I feel I have to double check everything I do before I do it in case she has a fit. I can't meet with friends but its the lack of seeing my family that hurts me the most theres always some excuse and I never get to visit as often as I'd like. We always meet her family, stay with them etc I know she doesn't feel comfortable with my family but I miss them. I never do anything with them anymore. She promises changes but it never does. my family are very good to her she just doesnt like staying away

I know she'll be devastated if we break up. I will be too but I see know way of things changing. Plans for the future are not what I want.

I love her Id do anything for her but I just dont know what to do.

miamee

Sorry to hear that OP. No one should dictate when you see your own family, that's quite controlling of her and not very fair to expect you not to see them. How far away are they? Could you visit them without her?

Is she aware of how much this is having a bad effect on you? You need to tell her how much it hurts you not to see your family and that you NEED to see them in the same way she needs to see hers. If she refuses to listen or compromise then I think you know yourself things won't magically change in the future and you have a decision to make in your own best interests.

OP, not being allowed to see your friends or family is a horrible and controlling relationship. It's not ok, and you need to make that clear and be prepared to leave. Keeping you separated from sources of help and getting angry all the time is emotional abuse.

safehome

miamee wrote: »

Sorry to hear that OP. No one should dictate when you see your own family, that's quite controlling of her and not very fair to expect you not to see them. How far away are they? Could you visit them without her?

Is she aware of how much this is having a bad effect on you? You need to tell her how much it hurts you not to see your family and that you NEED to see them in the same way she needs to see hers. If she refuses to listen or compromise then I think you know yourself things won't magically change in the future and you have a decision to make in your own best interests.

Thanks she is aware how bad I feel sometimes. shes not a terrible person I hope it doesn't seem that way. they're not far but there is always excuses which leave me with no choice but not to go. Its about an hours drive. We're planning on moving closer to her family soon which will only make matters worse.

P. Breathnach

safehome wrote: »

... I love her Id do anything for her ...

That should be a two-way street: if she loves you properly, she should also be prepared to do things for you.

seenitall

Hi OP,

just want to reiterate what's been said here already: you are in an abusive relationship and you should get out of it for your sake.

Remember, you should always love yourself more than you love someone who is controlling you like this or making you unhappy in some other way. No exceptions.

You don't want to wake up in 10 years' time and realise you have wasted years on caring about someone who gave you only hassle, the constant threat of anger, and control in return. THAT IS NOT LOVE.

Furthermore, unless you act on this soon, your self-awareness and self-esteem are in danger of dwindling under the pressure of this control, and then it could become well-nigh impossible to get out of unhappiness.

Good luck.

clairefontaine

You do know this is domestic abuse right?

I get it. You love your abuser. That's understandable.

But it doesn't change the abuse.

She needs to change, or you need to leave.

Meauldsegosha

safehome wrote: »

shes not a terrible person I hope it doesn't seem that way.

She's not a very nice person either OP. If she loved you she would want you to have a fulfilling life by sharing experiences with friends and family.