paternity dispute help needed

dorislc · 08-02-2013 7:49pm #1

Hi just wondering if anyone has any information for me.
my partner got a home dna test on my son after 6months of his family saying the baby wasn't his.
The results came back as he wasn't the father . now he didn't post the test his sister did so i think she might of contaminated the swabs.
so now we've split up he's changed his phone number so i can't get in contact .

Now would it be worth it to take him to court for a legal DNA test and how would i go about it? and what would happen if he didn't turn up for court or if he refuses a dna test?

please help

goz83 · 08-02-2013 7:56pm

Is there a chance he is not the father? Sounds like it's certainly a possibility. A home DNA test will not stand up in court afaik, so you can take him to court for maintenance. A proper DNA test can be ordered and a decision can be made after that.

Why did his sister send off a DNA test of your kid? Did you consent to this? All sounds a bit creepy and sneaky to me.

dorislc · 08-02-2013 8:31pm

There is a slight chance he is not the father . it was a bit of a witch hunt on his familys part. Now what i don't understand is they tested 16 parts of dna and they matched all but 4. So how is there someone walking around that close in dna that aren't related . the results weren't even sent to our house which they were ment to they got sent to the sister and she paid for it

hyperborean · 08-02-2013 8:34pm

sounds very dodgy, both from your "slight chance" it might not be his to the whole DNA test drama you just described.

Go see a solicitor,

dorislc · 08-02-2013 8:42pm

What i mean by slight chance is that the baby would of had to of been a month over due and that the hospital got the dates wrong teo. the baby was born a day past his due date at 7lbs exactly . he was no way over due

dorislc · 08-02-2013 8:46pm

What i mean by slight chance is that the baby would of had to of been a month overdue and the hospital got the dates wrong two. the baby was born one day past due date and weighed 7lbs exactly . don't think that's a baby a month overdue now

goz83 · 08-02-2013 9:04pm

dorislc wrote: »

What i mean by slight chance is that the baby would of had to of been a month overdue and the hospital got the dates wrong two. the baby was born one day past due date and weighed 7lbs exactly . don't think that's a baby a month overdue now

I think what you meant by slight chance is that you slept with someone else, but that's kind of besides the point now. Don't trust the home dna test. Apply for maintenance and the courts will do the rest if your ex has a problem with paternity.

wmpdd3 · 09-02-2013 2:42am

from my basic understanding of dna wouldnt a partial match be the result or a relitive... Ie an aunt!

dorislc · 09-02-2013 2:45pm

thats what im thinking aswell.
if his sister swabbed one of her sons wouldnt they be that close in dna

wmpdd3 · 09-02-2013 9:00pm

I'd say correct child but sisters DNA.

dorislc · 09-02-2013 11:29pm

They test to see if male of female and both things that were tested were male

JustAThought · 10-02-2013 1:10am

So you were sleeping around & got pregnant. Two guys at least involved. Did you tell the other guy whose child it might be? Or did you just go with the easiest or most available option? fFS.

ezra_pound · 10-02-2013 1:32am

dorislc wrote: »

They test to see if male of female and both things that were tested were male

What do you mean?

ezra_pound · 10-02-2013 1:39am

dorislc wrote: »

There is a slight chance he is not the father . it was a bit of a witch hunt on his familys part. Now what i don't understand is they tested 16 parts of dna and they matched all but 4. So how is there someone walking around that close in dna that aren't related . the results weren't even sent to our house which they were ment to they got sent to the sister and she paid for it

I'm not an expert on DNA but that isn't necessarily that similar, depending on which parts tested positive. What probability percentage did the test give of him being father? 80? 60? 40? I'd be more interested in that than how many parts matched.

dorislc · 10-02-2013 12:56pm

@Just a thought - yes i told the other guy and he agreed with me from day 1 it couldn't be his. I'm not here to be made to feel worse than i ready do. so if you can't help please keep your thoughts to yourself .

@ezrra pound - they test for either the xx chromosomes and the xy that's how they can tell wether its male or female .
the probability was 50% so that dosent really help much

ezra_pound · 10-02-2013 1:09pm

dorislc wrote: »

@Just a thought - yes i told the other guy and he agreed with me from day 1 it couldn't be his. I'm not here to be made to feel worse than i ready do. so if you can't help please keep your thoughts to yourself .

@ezrra pound - they test for either the xx chromosomes and the xy that's how they can tell wether its male or female .
the probability was 50% so that dosent really help much

As in your baby's a boy and the father a man? Or as in your baby is a boy. Either way I fail to see significance unless you submitted a sample and that showed up as male. Now that would be suspicious!

dorislc · 10-02-2013 1:15pm

The baby is a boy. Thought you said there somewhere about his sister using her dna. i just think that she used one of her sons dna and they would be that close to my ex

dorislc · 10-02-2013 1:17pm

Also i was never tested it was just a father child test

ABajaninCork · 10-02-2013 1:22pm

I'd get a court-ordered DNA test. Tell the father to pay half. That would settle matters one way or another, and there's no argument. I'd also tell the father to keep his **** stirring family out of it. It's nothing to do with them.

Is the father seeing the child and paying maintenance?

dorislc · 10-02-2013 1:34pm

No the father hasn't seen him since the day he left. he's not paying a thing and he's changed his fone number . he comes from a big family of 12 kids and they all treat him like he's a bit simple which he's not. they were bought up to not upset mummy. u mean they have an unbelievable hold in him we were looking to move to a different house 10min drive from where i am now and he got told if you move there ill never speak to you again by his mum. so trying to get to speak to him will be hard. its not even like he's a child he's 27. I also was.the evil woman who wouldnt let him work whilst he was on the dole.
this is what I'm up against here. its making the situation worse

ABajaninCork · 10-02-2013 1:44pm

But you know where he lives - right? Can you not get some kind of court order to get a DNA test done? Presumably, you'll want maintenance for the child and some kind of contact with the father. AFAIK, you can take him to court to determine paternity and get maintenance at the same time? Post the thing through the letterbox or have it sent via registered post.

All you're doing is pandering to these ridiculous people and letting them think they have some kind of hold on you. As I see it, you have two choices. Either you push on and get paternity settled. Or you move on with your life with your kid and have nothing to do with these people.

dorislc · 10-02-2013 2:04pm

Well i know his parents adress. What I've heard from gossip is that he's going to uk to wrk shortly. now i want the test just so i know for definate for the baby when he's bigger. to b honest i don't want the father to have anything to do with my son after this. but what would happen if he didn't turn up for court? would he get arrested

ABajaninCork · 10-02-2013 2:08pm

I don't know how the law works here TBH. I would assume not as it's a civil matter. Your best bet is to get some (free) legal advice. Go to Citizens Advice or FLAC to see where you stand. I'm not sure we're able to give you too much more help on here due to charter rules.

jammywammy · 10-02-2013 2:14pm

Sounds like he's a bit of a waster really. Is there really much point establishing he's the dad?
I dont understand why his sister was the one to post the test especially as you are saying that they had alot to do with placing the doubt in the first place.
I understand you are trying to do the best for your son, but if he doesnt want anything to do with baby, and his family are that silly, maybe you are best just moving on. It sounds like a rather tough situation.
If a court establishes paternity that gives him rights. Do you want your son having anythong to do with him or his family?

dorislc · 10-02-2013 2:22pm

Its his family i don't want the baby to have anything to do with. as far as I'm aware establishing paternity still gives him no legal rights as were not married. For him to have rights he would have to file for gardianship wich i can refuse to

wolfpawnat · 10-02-2013 2:25pm

OP, no DNA comes back 100% that he is the father, just it can guarantee 100% not the father. Usually it is about 90-99% if taken from the father and child. If it was the aunt who did it, it could only be around 60-70% not near as accurate.

Apply to the district court for maintenance. He will argue the results and the court can demand the court standing test, it will ONLY be taken from him and the child and is legally standing. If it is his, the test will be as accurate as possible.

If there is a tiny chance it is not his and there is a month or less in it, then the previous test may be accurate, but the other one has a legal standing.

ezra_pound · 10-02-2013 3:08pm

dorislc wrote: »

Also i was never tested it was just a father child test

So what do you mean that there were only male chromosomes? Just curious.

ResearchWill · 10-02-2013 5:08pm

dorislc wrote: »

Its his family i don't want the baby to have anything to do with. as far as I'm aware establishing paternity still gives him no legal rights as were not married. For him to have rights he would have to file for gardianship wich i can refuse to

And which a court can and usually does order. If the test proves he is the father and he then wants guardinaship, custody and or access the courts can order same if its in the best interests of the child and while the court will listen to you, once the court is involved it is not you who decides it is the court.

Ms. Pingui · 10-02-2013 10:05pm

I believe it's illegal to preform a DNA test on a child without the mothers consent. It's considered to be an assault of the child.
It's something you might want to look into.

ResearchWill · 10-02-2013 10:09pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I believe it's illegal to preform a DNA test on a child without the mothers consent. It's considered to be an assault of the child.
It's something you might want to look into.

Considering the OP is the mother not really an issue as she wants the test. A court could order a test against the wishes of the mother.

Ms. Pingui · 10-02-2013 10:13pm

ResearchWill wrote: »

Considering the OP is the mother not really an issue as she wants the test. A court could order a test against the wishes of the mother.

Yes, but her ex and his family have already preformed an illegal test. There may be consequences for this.

wolfpawnat · 10-02-2013 10:16pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I believe it's illegal to preform a DNA test on a child without the mothers consent. It's considered to be an assault of the child.
It's something you might want to look into.

It is not illegal. It is not nice to do it without it, but it is not illegal. Also it is not abuse, a cheek swab is in no way harmful or painful for them, but it is better to have both parents involved in the process.

Ms. Pingui · 10-02-2013 10:25pm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It is not illegal. It is not nice to do it without it, but it is not illegal. Also it is not abuse, a cheek swab is in no way harmful or painful for them, but it is better to have both parents involved in the process.

It all sounds a bit dubious to me. I had a quick google there and it seems places won't test a minor without the mothers consent.

http://www.oqps.ie/consent_dna_testing.htm

Also this

http://www.cellmark.ie/video/watche.php?v=Consent2.flv

wolfpawnat · 10-02-2013 10:33pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

It all sounds a bit dubious to me. I had a quick google there and it seems places won't test a minor without the mothers consent.

http://www.oqps.ie/consent_dna_testing.htm

But it is not illegal. It is a grey area. Most tests in Ireland are done without the mothers consent or even knowledge.

ResearchWill · 10-02-2013 10:34pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

It all sounds a bit dubious to me. I had a quick google there and it seems places won't test a minor without the mothers consent.

http://www.oqps.ie/consent_dna_testing.htm

Also this

http://www.cellmark.ie/video/watche.php?v=Consent2.flv

The OP's second post "There is a slight chance he is not the father . it was a bit of a witch hunt on his familys part. Now what i don't understand is they tested 16 parts of dna and they matched all but 4. So how is there someone walking around that close in dna that aren't related . the results weren't even sent to our house which they were ment to they got sent to the sister and she paid for it"

My reading the OP consented to the tests.

Ms. Pingui · 10-02-2013 10:37pm

ResearchWill wrote: »

The OP's second post "There is a slight chance he is not the father . it was a bit of a witch hunt on his familys part. Now what i don't understand is they tested 16 parts of dna and they matched all but 4. So how is there someone walking around that close in dna that aren't related . the results weren't even sent to our house which they were ment to they got sent to the sister and she paid for it"

My reading the OP consented to the tests.

I read it as they did it behind her back. I could be wrong though of course!

MagicSean · 10-02-2013 10:38pm

If you only slept with two guys then why not get the other fella to do the test? If it shows he is not the father then you have your own answer. If, on the other hand, you want to force the deadbeat dad and his unwelcoming father into admitting it then take him to the courts.

dorislc · 10-02-2013 11:11pm

I just want to know that if we get court orderd test and it proves he's not the father can i get an order to get the other fella tp do one ad he's refusing. He told me he will do it when my son is old enough to ask him for a test

wolfpawnat · 10-02-2013 11:14pm

dorislc wrote: »

I just want to know that if we get court orderd test and it proves he's not the father can i get an order to get the other fella tp do one ad he's refusing. He told me he will do it when my son is old enough to ask him for a test

If the court ordered one proves man A is not the father, you can apply for maintenance of Man B. Either he will pay, or dispute paternity, in which case the court will suggest a DNA test, which, if he wants to try to not pay for the child, will be in his best interests. I cannot see why he wouldn't just submit to the test. If he is the father he has a duty to care (if only financially by law) for the child.

Ken. · 10-02-2013 11:30pm

I've been looking for an hour and can't find the site but i remember the results. It was tests on African Americans and Africans in various parts of Africa to see if their was any relationship.
In a test of 16 markers

2 in common-great grandparent
4 in common- Grandparent
8 in common- Parent
If their is 12 in common where only one parent and a child is tested its aresult of 2 things. Someone tampered with the samples or incest(father and daughter-8+4=12 or brother and sister 8+4=12).
Seeing as how i doubt the op and the father are brother and sister or father/daughter the only conclusion I can draw is that the alleged father and his sister done the swab themselves and that's how it came back as 12. If the sisters child had been used it would have come back as a score of 10 as that child's father would be an unrelated man.

If i can find the article about it i'll post it.

dorislc · 10-02-2013 11:32pm

And what if they refused to do a court testk

ResearchWill · 10-02-2013 11:35pm

dorislc wrote: »

And what if they refused to do a court testk

I suppose like anyone who breaches a court order he would be in contempt of court, committal could be ordered.

Kristopherus · 10-02-2013 11:38pm

dorislc wrote: »

And what if they refused to do a court testk

They could go to jail,to soften their cough.

December2012 · 11-02-2013 7:07am

I'm confused about this here OP.

Your child has a right to know who their father is. You have to take action on behalf of your child for that. The child is entitled to maintenance but more importantly a relationship with their father and you have to facilitate that.

Get DNA tests for both possibilities.

And don't think about his family. This wouldn't even be an issue if you hadn't cheated on your boyfriend so you can't blame them for being suspicious.

seamus · 11-02-2013 12:31pm

dorislc wrote: »

And what if they refused to do a court testk

Afaik, the court can/will order him to pay maintenance until a test shows he is not the father. In which case he can refuse the test but will have to continue paying maintenance. I could be wrong though.

Strictly speaking I don't think he can be held in contempt for refusing a test, though whether it's considered a medical procedure is the question. If it's legally a medical procedure, then you cannot legally force a medical procedure on someone (except in very specific circumstances).

I agree with others in that you need to forget about this as an issue of his family hating you or treating him as a child or whatever. He had/has good reason to suspect he's not the father and he's acting in that manner.

Go the legal route, get a solicitor who can best advise what to do and proceed from there.

It seems to me that the most logical route at this stage is to go to the other guy and get him tested. If he is the father, then you can forget your ex and move on. If he's not the father, then you have a good solid case for bringing your ex to court.

JustAThought · 17-02-2013 4:23pm

So in summary. You were sleep ing with two men at more or less the same time. You have the hump at guy two's family because they dislike you and think you are dishonest / were sleeping around and trying to trap their son/ brother into paying you mainyenance for life on a child that may not be his. Im guessing this child; whomevers it is, was unplanned . Or did you speak with both men about contraception and decide to go with theor decisions to use none. Or Did they both say and agree that they wanted to start a famiky with you? Or were yiu totally feckless with theor lives, the states money & the child. You asked one guy that you were sleeping with if he could be the father & he said no so you went along with that. You re now hunting the other guy for maintenance thou you're not actually really sure he isthe father but you want to make him to a test so that you can then force the first guy todo one of he, in fact isnt. fFS.

I suppose you want it to end well for you & NOT be done for entrapment?

Women like you give women a bad name. If that was me it wouldn't be a boat to the UK I'd be on - it'd be a plane to Australia.

Ms. Pingui · 17-02-2013 4:44pm

JustAThought wrote: »

So in summary. You were sleep ing with two men at more or less the same time. You have the hump at guy two's family because they dislike you and think you are dishonest / were sleeping around and trying to trap their son/ brother into paying you mainyenance for life on a child that may not be his. Im guessing this child; whomevers it is, was unplanned . Or did you speak with both men about contraception and decide to go with theor decisions to use none. Or Did they both say and agree that they wanted to start a famiky with you? Or were yiu totally feckless with theor lives, the states money & the child. You asked one guy that you were sleeping with if he could be the father & he said no so you went along with that. You re now hunting the other guy for maintenance thou you're not actually really sure he isthe father but you want to make him to a test so that you can then force the first guy todo one of he, in fact isnt. fFS.

I suppose you want it to end well for you & NOT be done for entrapment?

Women like you give women a bad name. If that was me it wouldn't be a boat to the UK I'd be on - it'd be a plane to Australia.

Ah jaysus! Accidents happen, it's not just the woman's responsibility for contraception.
Maybe she wasn't in a relationship with either man. Women are entitled to have casual sex too! If the dates don't match up then they don't match up. The hospital might have noticed if a baby was a whole month overdue.

It doesn't look like the OP had a problem with a paternity test so I don't think "entrapment" is an issue.

I think it's more likely that the "dad" and I use that term lightly, doesn't want to take responsibility and looked for an excuse to do a runner.

JustAThought · 17-02-2013 7:03pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Ah jaysus! Accidents happen, it's not just the woman's responsibility for contraception.
Maybe she wasn't in a relationship with either man. Women are entitled to have casual sex too! If the dates don't match up then they don't match up. The hospital might have noticed if a baby was a whole month overdue.

r.

Or not, or a week or a Fortnight- it the baby arrives early. Was it on taget at 7 or under for 8 - as happens in many cases. Sure women are entitled to have casual sex but must the taxpayer have to shell out for her irresponsibility for the next 18 or so years - its starting to look like it. It's one thing shagging around - guys or girls - but of your going to be sleeping around take your contraception. Let's face it. It's not as though either of these guys want to have anything to do with it.

Sorry - my point being under the circumstances outlined by the OP entrapment dosn't seem too far wide of the mark. She's 27 not 16.

paternity dispute help needed

Comments