Does 1 Bang Under Your Belt Help?

Mydayoff

I guess I've kind of given up on trying to lose my virginity. I don't see it happening anytime soon. I guess I'll still keep trying
subconsciously, as I don't really have much of a choice. I'm 23 in my final year of college, tall, quite good looking but have only made out with 7 girls properly, most of which were in clubs with me being the chaser each time. Some of it may be my own fault as I am a bit fussy as regards the women I'm attracted to. It's bad enough that I'm a virgin, but what makes it more difficut is that it annoys me the way hot girls can consider themselves more experienced than me just because they've had a dick stuck in them. It doesn't require any skill for them to get laid.. guys just pick them up, and yet they can then act like they're more experienced than me because of it! It especially annoys me when I'm trying to pick up a girl at a club, and some other older girl comes along and says, you could do so much better than her, as has happened on two occassions.

During the day though, when making advances, I never seem to find anybody to show signs of interest to encourage me.. whether it be in college, work or wherever. And I say to myself that maybe its something that I'll have to wait for to happen, as apposed to constantly trying to make it happen. I keep thinking surely some day there will be some girl to show an interest in me, that I'm attracted to too, but it never seems to happen. And I'm sick of seeing guys who are bigger idiots than me,(and idiots compared to me when in my company) getting some of the action. Often I see girls and think to myself, 'if only she was in my social circle and in my apartment complex, how I'd probably end up bedding her.

Masterbating is getting boring.. visual is not enough. I now need the touch, smell and presence of another woman. What I am really after is the feeling of successfully having talkin someone into the actual act, the sense of achievement of knowing that you successfully bedded someone because they look up to you. But I don't drink and still live at home with my family, so even if I was to come across a girl who both liked me, and was promiscuous enough, I still wouldn't have a place to go other than a hotel.

But I guess the point here is that, at least if I did it once, from then onwards I'd know so much better as to whether I'd stand a chance with any particular girl or not(having spoken to her)! It really seems like an exhausting process when you think about it, constantly approaching girls and knowing you're going to get rejected, and then later saying to yourself.. 'no wonder I hesitated' If there's lets say 100 girls you know. Only 10 of those you are attracted to, 5 of those you may not get the proper chance to get to know, or even appraoch, Four of the remaining 5 have boyfriends, you ask out the last one so she can say 'no'. Something like that happened recently, and it made me think 'should I just go to a hooker'? or should I start drinking and I try another few times? How much are hookers anyway? I'd hate to do so, but if I got it over and done with, then I might naturally no what its all about, and thereby come across as more confident with my body language around women.

P. Breathnach

What about seeing women as people?

Mydayoff

P. Breathnach wrote: »

What about seeing women as people?

Oh I do, that didn't work either!

Holsten

I dunno if it's just me but I get a weird vibe off your views of women.... maybe that's the problem you're having?!

Having sex doesn't suddenly give you an insight into what women are thinking or feeling either...

Mydayoff

Holsten wrote: »

I dunno if it's just me but I get a weird vibe off your views of women.... maybe that's the problem you're having?!

Having sex doesn't suddenly give you an insight into what women are thinking or feeling either...

I do not have weird views towards women.. I'm just trying to get laid. Even if I did have weird views towards women.. they wouldn't be able to tell. I have great interpersonal skills & I certainly don't think that is the reason I'm not getting laid, because I've only been getting frustrated about for the last year and a half

CaraMay

A lot of people over estimate their looks... There is something you are doing wrong if you are good looking and can't score with anyone... I also sense a dislike of women and sounds like you only want them for one thing. Most roman are not that stupid and can typically read men well especially when men are sending out disingenuous signals.

GRMA

Some very weird vibes there but before people all out bash you I'll just say that if someone has something like this eating away at them for probably eight years or so and feeling worthless and inadequate compared with your peers and even people younger who are very similar to you there's bound to be something wrong mentally or with your viewpoint after suffering through that

Op I was in your shoes for a while, although a bit younger and what I learned was that sex is very overrated. its great and all but not worth getting so worked up over. Sex in a relationship is also far better than a ons and a better environment to "learn" to do it if its something you are very nervous about, practice makes perfect haha

lads also talk ****e there are many guys in similar positions as you and girls too its normal.

my advice would be to calm down and take things as they come. abandon the cattle mart clubs where you measure you're worth by if you pull or not, put yourself in situations where you are around women socially in a normal environment. you will meet someone you like and who likes you, then take it from there and try to leave all this pressure about sex behind

leonidas83

Mydayoff wrote: »

I guess I've kind of given up on trying to lose my virginity. I don't see it happening anytime soon. I guess I'll still keep trying
subconsciously, as I don't really have much of a choice. I'm 23 in my final year of college, tall, quite good looking but have only made out with 7 girls properly, most of which were in clubs with me being the chaser each time. Some of it may be my own fault as I am a bit fussy as regards the women I'm attracted to. It's bad enough that I'm a virgin, but what makes it more difficut is that it annoys me the way hot girls can consider themselves more experienced than me just because they've had a dick stuck in them. It doesn't require any skill for them to get laid.. guys just pick them up, and yet they can then act like they're more experienced than me because of it! It especially annoys me when I'm trying to pick up a girl at a club, and some other older girl comes along and says, you could do so much better than her, as has happened on two occassions.

During the day though, when making advances, I never seem to find anybody to show signs of interest to encourage me.. whether it be in college, work or wherever. And I say to myself that maybe its something that I'll have to wait for to happen, as apposed to constantly trying to make it happen. I keep thinking surely some day there will be some girl to show an interest in me, that I'm attracted to too, but it never seems to happen. And I'm sick of seeing guys who are bigger idiots than me,(and idiots compared to me when in my company) getting some of the action. Often I see girls and think to myself, 'if only she was in my social circle and in my apartment complex, how I'd probably end up bedding her.

Masterbating is getting boring.. visual is not enough. I now need the touch, smell and presence of another woman. What I am really after is the feeling of successfully having talkin someone into the actual act, the sense of achievement of knowing that you successfully bedded someone because they look up to you. But I don't drink and still live at home with my family, so even if I was to come across a girl who both liked me, and was promiscuous enough, I still wouldn't have a place to go other than a hotel.

But I guess the point here is that, at least if I did it once, from then onwards I'd know so much better as to whether I'd stand a chance with any particular girl or not(having spoken to her)! It really seems like an exhausting process when you think about it, constantly approaching girls and knowing you're going to get rejected, and then later saying to yourself.. 'no wonder I hesitated' If there's lets say 100 girls you know. Only 10 of those you are attracted to, 5 of those you may not get the proper chance to get to know, or even appraoch, Four of the remaining 5 have boyfriends, you ask out the last one so she can say 'no'. Something like that happened recently, and it made me think 'should I just go to a hooker'? or should I start drinking and I try another few times? How much are hookers anyway? I'd hate to do so, but if I got it over and done with, then I might naturally no what its all about, and thereby come across as more confident with my body language around women.

Coming on the net complaining & giving out about how you have no luck with women is not going to get you anywhere & is a good insight into the reason why you havent gotten anywhere so far. To add, you might be good looking in your own mind but how are we to know, women say alot of things they dont mean when their out & possibly drunk. Doesnt mean your actually good looking. That might sound harsh but its the truth.

My advice, work on your personality & forget about your looks. If you can connect with a girl, have a bit of craic with her, make her laugh you have a much better chance with them than obsessing about how good looking you are.

How to do this? surround yourself with as many women as possible, befriend them, get to know their ways/idiosyncrasies. Get involved in sports/activities that are predominantly female. Go out more, dont take yourself so seriously, concentrate more on having banter with them than getting laid.

Dont go down the road of hookers, that is beyond sad for someone trying to lose their virginity

ElleEm

Your post definitely gives the impression that you view women as walking vaginas. Your language is crass and you have only mentioned your relationships with women in a sexual context, talking about "making out" with girls, being the chaser, getting "laid" "bedding" women. You even spoke about the sense of "achievement" in getting a girl to sleep with you cos "she looks up to you". That is just not what sex is about. It is about a MUTUAL attraction and desire to connect (and have fun!). There is nothing about the fact that you haven't actually had relationships in your post, or that you care for that sort of connection. Apologies if this is too harsh, but your post makes you seem very unlikeable. You are gonna find it very difficult to find an interested girl if you don't change that.

You have clearly become frustrated, but it is so obvious from your post that the girl isn't important- it's the sex that counts. I can imagine that the desperation oozes out of you unconsciously when you are in social situations.

You need to get over the sex thing. Yes, it is important, but your first time is unlikely to be earth shattering, stop putting so much weight on it. You are likely to "perform" better if you actually like and respect the girl, and she you.

And your question regarding hookers? Just don't.

DeltaWhite

Holsten wrote: »

I dunno if it's just me but I get a weird vibe off your views of women.... maybe that's the problem you're having?!

Having sex doesn't suddenly give you an insight into what women are thinking or feeling either...

Have to admit I totally agree with this! You come off quite negatively in your OP about women.. I'm guessing that's frustration which is understandable but if you come across in a negative way to women you meet out and about that is going to be a massive turn off!

You may think you dont have weird views about women but most of the posters here think you do come across different so maybe you do need to assess how you see women and maybe you need to sort out your fussy issues! You have a right to be fussy but in fairness it hasnt helped you so far so maybe work on that?


Ps... i have yet to meet one person that really enjoyed their "first time" it's well over-rated. But you should definitely listen to ElleEm as I have seen 100's of men that really do "ooze desperation" and they dont even realise they are doing it! You may have good interpersonal skills but you dont actually know what way women view you! And we are magical creatures we can smell fear off a man a mile away

Jack B. Badd

ElleEm wrote: »

I can imagine that the desperation oozes out of you unconsciously when you are in social situations.

Yeah, the combination of desperation & a view of women as walking orifices that you can stick your dick into isn't all that attractive tbh. I'm not having a go, it's just that those are very unattractive traits & they jump out from your post.

Do you have any female friends? You know, women you aren't trying to bed & whose company you enjoy & who enjoy yours? You could start by asking them why they like your company & what they see in you...

Mydayoff

GRMA wrote: »

Sex in a relationship is also far better than a ons and a better environment to "learn" to do it if its something you are very nervous about, practice makes perfect haha

I never said the actual sex part was what made me nervous

Mydayoff

CaraMay wrote: »

A lot of people over estimate their looks... There is something you are doing wrong if you are good looking and can't score with anyone... I also sense a dislike of women and sounds like you only want them for one thing. Most roman are not that stupid and can typically read men well especially when men are sending out disingenuous signals.

I would love a relationship, but its just you may as well try bed them while your at it. Otherwise, if they break if off with you and you learn that they are sleeping with someone else, it will hurt! I have given women too much respect before and got friend zoned. At this point in time I'm not fond of anyone, so I guess it's just lust I crave!

ElleEm

Mydayoff wrote: »

I would love a relationship, but its just you may as well try bed them while your at it.

Seriously? This is not the sole function of a woman. To be "bedded" by you.

Mydayoff wrote: »

Otherwise, if they break if off with you and you learn that they are sleeping with someone else, it will hurt!!

Is this an experience you have had or is it just a wild assumption that all girls sleep around? You really need to start seeing girls as human beings and not as objects of your desire or "lust".

And I can imagine the reason you got "friend zoned" was certainly NOT cos you "gave her too much respect". There is no such thing. You really need to read your words objectively and see what you're putting out there. It is unpleasant.

Mydayoff

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Have to admit I totally agree with this! You come off quite negatively in your OP about women.. I'm guessing that's frustration which is understandable but if you come across in a negative way to women you meet out and about that is going to be a massive turn off!

You may think you dont have weird views about women but most of the posters here think you do come across different so maybe you do need to assess how you see women and maybe you need to sort out your fussy issues! You have a right to be fussy but in fairness it hasnt helped you so far so maybe work on that?


Ps... i have yet to meet one person that really enjoyed their "first time" it's well over-rated. But you should definitely listen to ElleEm as I have seen 100's of men that really do "ooze desperation" and they dont even realise they are doing it! You may have good interpersonal skills but you dont actually know what way women view you! And we are magical creatures we can smell fear off a man a mile away

It's kind of ironic because we all know how women love to be treated like thrash by players. Ye only seem like 'magical creatures' when ye have the upper stake, i.e, to people like me before I learn of the girl's history

beks101

Mydayoff wrote: »

It's bad enough that I'm a virgin, but what makes it more difficut is that it annoys me the way hot girls can consider themselves more experienced than me just because they've had a dick stuck in them. It doesn't require any skill for them to get laid.. guys just pick them up, and yet they can then act like they're more experienced than me because of it!

This is beyond disturbing. You sound quite bitter, spiteful and hateful of women, in particular towards the very ones you are attracted to. If you think this isn't completely obvious to the women you meet because you have fabulous "interpersonal skills" then you are very, very naive.

Everything about your demeanour counts when you're trying to attract the opposite sex. Body language, general ease with oneself, mood, confidence, facial expression, the general 'vibe' of the person. If you're thinking all these negative things about women, how "hot girls have it easy" and you're totally harddone by because you approach and no-one ever takes the bait despite you being far less of an idiot than the other successful-with-women men you see, then you are far less of a catch than you believe. No woman will feel at ease around you, or want to flirt with you, and any self-respecting woman will give you a wide berth.

Your post makes you sound completely obnoxious, arrogant and there's a hint of misogny in there too. I get that you're above and beyond frustrated, but it's not your God-given right to have sex with hot girls, it just hasn't happened for you yet - more than likely for all the reasons I've listed.

No-one wants to be associated with that. Sex is supposed to be fun, whether it's a one night stand or in a relationship, and if you're trying to get a girl to come home with you by making her feel like you're better than her, that you're superior to her, then you've got a fair few more frustrating years ahead of you.

Mydayoff

ElleEm wrote: »

Seriously? This is not the sole function of a woman. To be "bedded" by you.

I didn't say it was, but like I said, you may as well try while you're at it, as long you it doesn't mean ruining things

AnonoBoy

Mydayoff wrote: »

It's kind of ironic because we all know how women love to be treated like thrash by players. Ye only seem like 'magical creatures' when ye have the upper stake, i.e, to people like me before I learn of the girl's history

Who's this 'we' you're talking about.

For someone that admittedly knows very little about women you're purporting to know an awful lot about them. The fact that you're making wild generalisations about what how women love being treated like thrash tells everyone that you really have no notion what you're talking about. Here's a hint: women don't like being treated like thrash!

You seem to have some idea that all women have sordid pasts or something.

You've got an odd, odd view of girls to be honest and it's no wonder you have no success with them because they can probably just tell that you're only looking to have sex with someone. You're desperate and nobody wants to be with a girl or a guy who they can smell the desperation off.

Relax. Talk to girls. Enjoy their company. Forget all these notions you have about treating women like thrash or all this imaginary ideas you have about them looking down on you because you're a virgin.

Guess what? They don't know and probably don't care that you are.

DeltaWhite

I don't like to be "treated like thrash by players" stop tarring all women with the same brush, it's pathetic and juvenile and shows just how out of touch with reality you actually are..

This is harsh but you dont seem to be getting what we're saying.....I would never put up with someone with an attitude like yours. Ever. Maybe us telling you a few home truths has annoyed you but its the plain obvious truth so if you don't like it then that is tough for you man... Change your ways or you won't reap the benefits simple as that! Your bitterness and pure lack of common sense when it comes to the dating scene are the problems here don't be trying to blame women...

Mydayoff

beks101 wrote: »

This is beyond disturbing. You sound quite bitter, spiteful and hateful of women, in particular towards the very ones you are attracted to. If you think this isn't completely obvious to the women you meet because you have fabulous "interpersonal skills" then you are very, very naive.

Everything about your demeanour counts when you're trying to attract the opposite sex. Body language, general ease with oneself, mood, confidence, facial expression, the general 'vibe' of the person. If you're thinking all these negative things about women, how "hot girls have it easy" and you're totally harddone by because you approach and no-one ever takes the bait despite you being far less of an idiot than the other successful-with-women men you see, then you are far less of a catch than you believe. No woman will feel at ease around you, or want to flirt with you, and any self-respecting woman will give you a wide berth.

Your post makes you sound completely obnoxious, arrogant and there's a hint of misogny in there too. I get that you're above and beyond frustrated, but it's not your God-given right to have sex with hot girls, it just hasn't happened for you yet - more than likely for all the reasons I've listed.

No-one wants to be associated with that. Sex is supposed to be fun, whether it's a one night stand or in a relationship, and if you're trying to get a girl to come home with you by making her feel like you're better than her, that you're superior to her, then you've got a fair few more frustrating years ahead of you.

I'd like to make it clear that I don't hate women. More importantly, how could women possibly know I hate them (if I did)? I appear completely relaxed around them normally, and if I was nervous, they would just think I'm a bit shy.. not EVIL! Any frustration, bitterness leaves my system when I'm flirting because I actually enjoy it. I only think/feel these negative things on rare occasions when I have time to ponder and reflect. My frustration doesn't show.. not to mention I have accounted for it. So that is not the reason I am a virgin!

ManOfMystery

Mydayoff wrote: »

I'd like to make it clear that I don't hate women. More importantly, how could women possibly know I hate them (if I did)? I appear completely relaxed around them normally, and if I was nervous, they would just think I'm a bit shy.. not EVIL! Any frustration, bitterness leaves my system when I'm flirting because I actually enjoy it. I only think/feel these negative things on rare occasions when I have time to ponder and reflect. My frustration doesn't show.. not to mention I have accounted for it. So that is not the reason I am a virgin!

You'd be amazed what vibes a person can give off subconsciously, no matter how adept they may think they are at hiding them. But hey, what do we know? You're the guy with all the experience.

Mydayoff

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Who's this 'we' you're talking about.

For someone that admittedly knows very little about women you're purporting to know an awful lot about them. The fact that you're making wild generalisations about what how women love being treated like thrash tells everyone that you really have no notion what you're talking about. Here's a hint: women don't like being treated like thrash!

You seem to have some idea that all women have sordid pasts or something.

You've got an odd, odd view of girls to be honest and it's no wonder you have no success with them because they can probably just tell that you're only looking to have sex with someone. You're desperate and nobody wants to be with a girl or a guy who they can smell the desperation off.

Relax. Talk to girls. Enjoy their company. Forget all these notions you have about treating women like thrash or all this imaginary ideas you have about them looking down on you because you're a virgin.

Guess what? They don't know and probably don't care that you are.

You weren't meant to take it literally. Of course women don't like being treated like thrash, but they do let 'players' tell them what they want to hear after being treated like thrash. 'we' obviously means everybody out there, including you. And for the last time.. my desperation doesn't show. It shows right now on boards, but I am not frustrated when I go out. Just because I am frustrated in general does not mean it shows

ElleEm

Mydayoff wrote: »

You weren't meant to take it literally. Of course women don't like being treated like thrash, but they do let 'players' tell them what they want to hear after being treated like thrash. 'we' obviously means everybody out there, including you. And for the last time.. my desperation doesn't show. It shows right now on boards, but I am not frustrated when I go out. Just because I am frustrated in general does not mean it shows

Look, I would stop with the generalisations. You have obviously been burned before, and you may have been hurt by a girl who was more interested in a "player" than you, but the way you clearly think of women is not a true reflection of life.

How many replies have you had here that all says the same stuff?
People get "vibes" from your posts, your use of language that you are angry, bitter and think unkindly about women. You can be gaurenteed that you are sending off vibes in your body language and stuff that you aren't aware of. Look it up!

You seem to not be hearing what anyone is saying here. Most people are saying the same stuff. You have a hell of a lot of growing up to do, and until that happens, you are likely to remain an angry, lonely virgin.

Asbury Park

ManOfMystery wrote: »

You'd be amazed what vibes a person can give off subconsciously

+1. To be honest OP, your attitude towards women stinks and you think they can't pick up on that? Seriously, who is going to sleep with someone offering so little respect? Start treating people like human beings. I've been on dates that have turned on a single thing - a certain word said by either party, not making enough eye contact, bad body language, and so on. Multiply that out with a generally bad attitude and there's part of your problem. The other part of your problem is that you don't come across as a particularly happy person. Socially, who wants to be near someone who is unhappy? We all have our problems but you leave them at home when you go out. Change your attitude, stop overanalysing things and just let things happen naturally.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Mydayoff wrote: »

You weren't meant to take it literally. Of course women don't like being treated like thrash, but they do let 'players' tell them what they want to hear after being treated like thrash. 'we' obviously means everybody out there, including you. And for the last time.. my desperation doesn't show. It shows right now on boards, but I am not frustrated when I go out. Just because I am frustrated in general does not mean it shows

What exactly are you basing this on? I do not know any woman who does that.

Also, you can not know how you come across to others. Listen to the advice you're getting here and stop fighting against it. It's good advice.

Mydayoff

DeltaWhite wrote: »

I would never put up with someone with an attitude like yours. Ever.

You wouldn't know that I have that sort of an attitude if you knew me. Most of the girls I'm acquainted with think I'm a nice guy and we get along just fine. I wouldn't ask them out though for various other reasons.

You and I might probably get along just fine.. and you weren't meant to take the 'thrash' part literally

Mydayoff

Asbury Park wrote: »

stop overanalysing things and just let things happen naturally.

That didn't work either. My unhappiness only shows here only because I am venting.

Mydayoff

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

What exactly are you basing this on? I do not know any woman who does that.

Also, you can not know how you come across to others. Listen to the advice you're getting here and stop fighting against it. It's good advice.

But the bottom line is; should I start drinking and move out of home. Seduction often involves alcohol! I turned down a hooker before who I happened to bump into. If it happened again.. I might opt for just a blow job!

jantheman91

Drinking will lower your inhibitions. Lowering inhibitions is good but the way you come across in your posts alcohol could in fact deter any chances you may have.

If you're anything like your posts portray i'd stay away from the booze.

beks101

Mydayoff wrote: »

But the bottom line is; should I start drinking and move out of home. Seduction often involves alcohol!

Yes, start drinking heavily, women love being mauled by hammered men who have no perspective on personal space and can barely string a sentence together.

Yes, move out of home, because all of your problems with attracting women are because you live with mum and dad.

And actually while you're at it, why don't you book a few nights with a variety of escorts, at least then you won't have to bother getting to know them and learning how to respect them as people - clearly not your strong points.

Mydayoff

jantheman91 wrote: »

Lowering inhibitions is good but the way you come across in your posts alcohol could in fact deter any chances you may have.

Lol:D