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14 yo boy getting attacked

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  • 07-02-2013 2:50pm
    #1
    ladsmammy
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭


    Ok, my 14 yo boy is getting a few digs after school and yesterday at lunch time this animal bit his ear when my son refused to fight him. He other boy is not in his school, he's in a different secondary school in the town.

    My son doesn't want anything done about it because he thinks it will only make matters worse.

    Just for some background info. We moved to this town a few years ago so we don't have any family here. The other fella is from the town. We don't know his family, whether they would be approachable, where he even lives (but we could find out).

    Hubby wants him to stay in at lunchtime now and for us to drop and collect him from school to avoid the other fella. I don't agree with him because why should we have to change. He worried about the family causing us problems.

    My son is not the fighting type, he did try to stand up to him once thinking if he did he would go away but that didn't work.

    I don't know what to do. I'm physically feeling sick right now typing this.

    If we could sell our house in the morning I would and get out of this place but that's not a option.

    Thanks for any replies.
    Tagged:


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    #2
    mitosis
    Registered Users Posts: 2,000 ✭✭✭mitosis


    I know this is not the PC thing to do, but I'd get him into a boxing club and let him sort it from there.


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    #3
    ladsmammy
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭ladsmammy


    mitosis wrote: »
    I know this is not the PC thing to do, but I'd get him into a boxing club and let him sort it from there.

    I know, I've thought of that but he's quiet shy and not a "fighter". Maybe he needs to be :confused: - thanks


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    #4
    D1stant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭D1stant


    Terrible situation

    I would have a calm (very calm) word with his parents. They may very well be reasonable and sort this out on their end

    Ignoring the issue or trying to minimise interaction will make things worse. Also have you checked his facebook etc? Is this just one idiot or a group?


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    #5
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Report the assault to the Gardai.


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    #6
    docmol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭docmol


    Similar thing happened to both me and a mate, in different schools. The same outcome in both cases, we flipped one day and completely buried the bully. Not that that's any help to you. Have you considered talking to the school or the guards?


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    #7
    ladsmammy
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭ladsmammy


    D1stant wrote: »
    Terrible situation

    I would have a calm (very calm) word with his parents. They may very well be reasonable and sort this out on their end

    Ignoring the issue or trying to minimise interaction will make things worse. Also have you checked his facebook etc? Is this just one idiot or a group?

    I've seen his Facebook and judging by what he says on it and his pics is the reason why I don't want to go near his parents. It seems to be just him on his own doing it but his has a gang with him


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    #8
    ladsmammy
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭ladsmammy


    seamus wrote: »
    Report the assault to the Gardai.
    docmol wrote: »
    Similar thing happened to both me and a mate, in different schools. The same outcome in both cases, we flipped one day and completely buried the bully. Not that that's any help to you. Have you considered talking to the school or the guards?

    I'd LOVE to report it but what do we do if this escalates to his family.


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    #9
    richiek67
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭richiek67


    Hi There, being a type of domestic, so to speak, I don't think the guards would be much use unless is turned in to something very nasty.
    Forcing someone to fight when they are not the type is ridiculous too, you cant force your children into combat.. I have a son who also hates conflict. He'll always be like that, gentle. I know he'd hate to have to learn to fight if it came to it. That would be his choice.

    I'd find out how bad it really is. If he has a social media login to one of these groups like facebook or twitter ( or phone if he has one ) I'd be inclined to try and see if its a lot worse than he lets on. Would he be the type to start anything? Or is this just totally unprovoked??
    If it was me I'd try to find out a bit more about the parents. I would talk to some of his teachers in the school , even the principal as they might know of things like this happening, perhaps this thug is known? ( even if hes in a different school) . To make the school aware is a good idea.
    Get as much information first before deciding on a course of action.

    Hope this helps

    Rich


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    #10
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    I really think a boxing club is a good idea. It gives them confidence and the ability to defend themselves without turning them into a bully. Some of the worlds greatest boxers on the planet were severely bullied, Ali and Tyson were two of them. My brother was bullied in school, he joined MMA and though he never was forced to defend himself afterwards, he knows how to now.


    Have you spoken to the class teacher? The vice principal, they would be usual ports of call when involving school issues.


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    #11
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    If you're concerned about the kid's family being involved, then your options really are limited unless you or your husband are willing to confront this other kid directly (which probably isn't a good idea).

    Avoidance seems like the best alternative option. Can your son take a different route home or even a different mode of transport? I.e. if he was to cycle in and out of school would that take him out of harm's way?


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    #12
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭Little My


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    ...Some of the worlds greatest boxers on the planet were severely bullied, Ali and Tyson were two of them...

    I hardly think a convicted rapist is a good role model for a lad getting bullied.

    Talk to the guards OP, see what they suggest.


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    #13
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    Little My wrote: »
    I hardly think a convicted rapist is a good role model for a lad getting bullied.

    Talk to the guards OP, see what they suggest.

    Am I saying that they should anyone's role models?:confused: Only that they too were bullied as youngsters, and turn to the sport for self confidence and to learn to defend themselves, as did many other world famous boxers. They were the first to come to my mind. Tyson obviously due to his lisp and higher pitched voice.


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    #14
    lertsnim
    Registered Users Posts: 9,725 ✭✭✭lertsnim


    ladsmammy wrote: »
    I'd LOVE to report it but what do we do if this escalates to his family.

    Your son was assaulted. Why would you even need to think about going to the Gardaí? If the boys family starts then go to the Gardaí again.


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    #15
    RubyGirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,275 ✭✭✭RubyGirl


    I would report it aswell, even if nothing is done about it. It's on record if anything happens again.


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    #16
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Go to the Gardai and report the assault. You seem to want to avoid trouble at all cost but this isn't going to sort itself out. Who cares what the other family thinks of you? This lad bit your son's ear. That is assault. What will you do next week if you son comes home with half his ear missing?


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    #17
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit


    Locate the other boys family. Inform them of what has happened and see their response. Make it absolutely clear that if there is any further assaults or bullying, that legal action will be taken. Be friendly, but firm.

    If their response is bad, immediately report the assault to the Gardai and see about getting a restraining order against the animal (no contact with your son either directly or via mates etc).

    If their response is positive, then see if everything is ok from then on.

    Record everything on paper...dates/times of threats, attacks, bullying...anything & everything. If it does end up in court, this will be invaluable.


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    #18
    enfant terrible
    Registered Users Posts: 4,561 ✭✭✭enfant terrible


    mitosis wrote: »
    I know this is not the PC thing to do, but I'd get him into a boxing club and let him sort it from there.

    Forget boxing get him to an mma club if possible.


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    #19
    SCOOP 64
    Registered Users Posts: 5,233 ✭✭✭SCOOP 64


    Not sure about all the advice of going to a boxing club,then hope he can punch the lights out of the bloke ,then walk away
    and hope he never hears from him again. if he's already bitten he's ear sounds like the type of bloke after getting a pounding would run home and come back with a knife, no report it to the guards.


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    #20
    Missyelliot2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,472 ✭✭✭Missyelliot2


    Really ....just report this. There is no way your boy, or you need to put up with this awful situation.


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    #21
    piperh
    Registered Users Posts: 989 ✭✭✭piperh


    Not a nice situation to be in and as the parent of 2 teenage boys i understand how hard it is your son asked you to do nothing and your desire to protect him.

    Unless culture in the area is for the parents to pick him up from school then i wouldn't start that as it could lead to more micky taking such as " mommy has to collect her baby" crap that kids can spout. Is there a family member or friend slightly older than your son that could go and meet him from school, it'd be more like a mate meeting him. You cannot keep your son by your side or indoors for the foreseeable so this either needs you to subtly intervene like this as you are reluctant to go to the gards or you need to provide your son with the emotional and physical tools to deal with it.

    My youngest was bullied and now he's friends with what some parents in the area call kids from "rough" families, i even had people say they wouldn't let their son be friends with them. What i've found is that although he doesn't hang around with these lads he knows them all to say hello to and this has meant that the gits that were bullying him are now worried about repercussions as everyone knows my son knows the "rougher" lads.


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    #22
    Lokie
    Registered Users Posts: 29 ✭Lokie


    Speak to the school principal immediately, he is only a child and in a very difficult time of his life. He needs all the support he can get from you as parents. He does not deserve this. The school principal has to help and can do so discreetly without mentioning that he heard it from you, he/ she could say another parent reported it.

    I don't think it is a good idea to go for the "an eye for an eye" approach as it rarely works. Yes to boxing lessons, but for self enrichment, nothing more.

    Confronting the bullies or their parents and standing back and waiting to see what happens is a bad idea in my opinion!

    How would you feel if this happened to you at work or home? Would you be upset if your husband/ partner just put his head in the sand? - Would you take boxing lessons and try to fight back? Or would you report it to the appropriate authorities?


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