Should I say sorry

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just need some advice. Long story short a girl back in secondary school reported me for bullying some year ago. Bascially I acted like an ass and I am completely ashamed to think I carried on as I did. Her and her friends were sitting where we normally sit and we basically forced her to move, not physically or anything like. I did apologise to her at the time. This is completely not the type of person I am, and I can't believe how I behaved. I was like an immature idiot trying to impress my friends or something. I am friends with her on FB and chat to her only the odd time. I'm thinking of apologising to her, she's a lovely girl and didn't deserve to be treated like this.

CaraMay

Was it just one incident? Why do you want to apologize? So she knows you are really a good person or to make yourself feel better? I am trying to put myself in her shoes and don't think I would welcome an apology years on especially when you have been talking since.

Strange she is your friend on fb if you bullied her so badly.

P. Breathnach

I'm glad you are ashamed, and think it good that she is willing to interact with you on facebook.

I cannot imagine any way that an apology would hurt her, but it might do her some good. Neither can I see how expressing your genuine remorse would harm you.

So do it.

Dr Sunshine

If I was in your situation I would apologise. She doesn't seem to be holding it against you as your FB friends, but the guilt is still with you. By apologising you will hopefully put it behind you and move on.

endacl

If you think you maybe should, then you probably should. I would

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Was it just one incident? Why do you want to apologize? So she knows you are really a good person or to make yourself feel better? I am trying to put myself in her shoes and don't think I would welcome an apology years on especially when you have been talking since.

Strange she is your friend on fb if you bullied her so badly.

I didn't "bully her so badly" it was one isolated incident.

These things happen OP. Apologise and put it behind you, no point in holding on to the guilt now.

Honey-ec

I wouldn't bother, tbh OP. If it was one incident, years ago, and she's friends with you on Facebook then she probably doesn't even remember. Dragging it all up again now isn't going to achieve anything other than, possibly, assuaging your own guilty conscience, when, tbh, it sounds like a total non-event and nothing worth even feeling guilty about.

Move on.

CaraMay

Ashamed wrote: »

I didn't "bully her so badly" it was one isolated incident.

I was on your side saying that. I don't understand why she is friends with you on Facebook if she was so wronged in the past.. She is obviously over it given she now talks to you.

looksee

You apologised at the time, she has obviously moved on, this is you just having a guilty conscience. Its an embarrassing memory, you have to learn to rationise those. Would it be kind to remind her of being bullied at school? I suspect she was a victim of other bullying or your group wouldn't have even bothered.

You engaged in a bit of unkind behaviour, your 'punishment' is an embarrassing memory. If you were not a good person you would not have an embarrassing memory! Leave it, its in the past, move on.

I wouldn't say anything, but make an effort to be nice to her - even if its just things like wishing her a happy birthday.

knucklehead6

I was quite badly bullied between the ages of 14 to 16 by a group of lads that I considered my friends at the time. So badly so that I genuinely considered suicide. As I'm still here over 20 years later that obviously didn't happen, the thing that saved me was a very sharp and canny teacher who noticed what was going on and decided to make sure something got done about it. So I ended up repeating 5th year. I'm helping organise a 20 year school reunion for my original year, and it will be the first time since that summer that I will be in the same room as all those people who bullied me. I honestly would not like an apology. I've moved on.

Having said that, if one of them came to me asking for a favour, they'd be told where to go.... I've forgiven them, but I will NEVER forget what they did to me.

P. Breathnach

I cannot see any way in which apologising would make the world a worse place for anybody, but it might possibly make it better.

Selfheal

If its bothering you, I think you should. If for no other reason, it cleans up your karma - next time around, the situations could be reversed:D

Cunning Stunt

CaraMay wrote: »

Why do you want to apologize? So she knows you are really a good person or to make yourself feel better?

Come on. Why do most people apologize for things? Because they know they were wrong and feel bad about it and yes, they want to feel ok again. So what?

Go for it OP. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

CarMe

If it's playing on your mind, I would definitely apologise! Back in the Bebo days, I sent a very similar apology to a girl I hadn't treated as well as I should have. It was years after and probably not necessary but it had really played on my mind and lifted a huge weight when she graciously accepted.