Experienced but confidence gone

Kayb219

Hello,

I hope someone here can give me some advice on getting past this.

I've been driving on and off for 3 years (always with an accompanying driver). I've taken more lessons than I can count and I've sat my test 3 times. The first time was an unholy disaster, and the second and third ones I failed on the same thing (clipping the kerb during maneuvres).

The last test was a year ago and since then I just can't bring myself to sit it again. I am so convinced I CANNOT pass.

This came to a head recently because my only accompanying driver is the most nervous person ever and screams at me ALL THE TIME. I believe I'm a fairly safe driver (my tester said so the last two times - he actually said he wished he could pass me) but the screaming has got so bad (and dangerous - there was one incident on a roundabout where I was actually praying for the screaming not to affect my judgement so I could get us out alive, and I'm an agnostic) that I felt I had to stop doing it because it was upsetting me too much.

It does not help that all of my friends drive, all passed first or second time and a couple of them love patronising me about the fact I haven't got my test yet. Most of them are lovely, to be fair, but I fixate on the ones that aren't!

So the issues are -
- my accompanying driver is undermining my confidence so badly that the thought of driving with her again (after 3 years of trouble-free driving with no accidents) actually makes me cry.
- I can't afford to do all of my practice with an instructor, because since I keep failing the test on the same thing, I need a LOT of practice at that particular thing.

All of this makes me feel like the worst driver ever, like I'm fated to keep failing my test and like everyone thinks I'm useless, and that I should just give up and find something else to do with my time, like making Elvis figurines from dental floss or something.

But on the other hand, I have a gift voucher for two lessons that I have to use (although I have considered selling it and lying to the person who gave it to me). And I feel like since I have poured so much money into this, I should keep going and try to pass.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to get over this feeling of being a total failure at driving?

thegreatiam

Kayb219 wrote: »

Hello,




This came to a head recently because my only accompanying driver is the most nervous person ever and screams at me ALL THE TIME.



But on the other hand, I have a gift voucher for two lessons that I have to use (although I have considered selling it and lying to the person who gave it to me). And I feel like since I have poured so much money into this, I should keep going and try to pass.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to get over this feeling of being a total failure at driving?

Take the lessons, when you do tell the instructor the reasons why you failed.

stop driving with that person if they are making you nervous.

Lessons are cheap enough, cheaper than paying to fail a test repeatedly.

if you drive well like you say you should only need a few lessons to get confident and pass.

Have words with your driving partner, explain that their screaming is making you nervous, if they want to help you pass they need to be silent in the car, if they are not, pull over and stop until they are, they will eventually relax when they see you are taking charge.

squink

Dear Kayb219,

Don't lose heart, by the sound of it you are a good driver but just stuck in a loop about the kerb thing. I would direct you to <snip> an advanced driving course that could help with car handling skills and confidence. I have no connection with them, just thinking of doing one of their courses myself.

Kayb219

Thanks for the advice, very much appreciated! I'll bite the bullet and book some lessons.

I've tried doing that with my accompanying driver before, but the week-long sulks afterwards are just not worth it! I think I either have to accept screaming or no non-instructor practice.

I think no non instructor practice will be better for you than the screaming, if you really can't get anyone else to come out for an hour or so. Is there even a neighbour or someone you could ask in return for you doing a favour??

Meangadh

Definitely try and avoid driving with that person- or at the very least tell them firmly that at this stage you are a confident enough driver that they don't need to be telling you what to do- that they are only accompanying you in order to be compliant with the law.

I genuinely think that you're better off trying to find someone else who can drive with you though- is there no one else that you can ask? If not, just stick to taking a few more driving lessons and then apply for your test when you feel your confidence is back a bit.

As for those friends- if they were any use they'd be offering to go driving with you rather than slagging you over it :mad:

sqooka

I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I had my test in January and failed, I got so worked up about it at the time that I literally could NOT stop stalling. Everything else was FINE! Outside of the test I never stall. The tester even said to me at the end that I'd have passed otherwise. But I have absolutely NO confidence driving, my driver is insanely nervous and constantly shouting and jumping as well, usually at absolutely nothing. It's always a massive production to even get him in the car with me....it has really made me feel like giving up completely after countless lessons, a small fortune and SO much time put into practicing over the last year, becuase I can't help thinking that maybe I really am rubbish, he can't help it if it's so terrifying.

squink

Love to know how you are getting on since Kayb219. I myself have now done a course at <snip> and would highly recommend them. No connection whatsoever to them, just very happy with the service.

**Timbuk2**

Gentle reminder that discussion of named driving schools isn't allowed. Use the dedicated sticky to find recommendations of schools (via PM).
Thanks.