Relationship experience

Socorro

I'm 24 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I know this isn't a big deal and there are many older than me who haven't but I'm getting worried nonetheless. I see my friends going in and out of relationships since they were 15 and now they're settling down happily with the right people. I haven't had all that experience of who is right/wrong for me, how to handle different situations and I feel like I've really missed out.

There have been 3 guys that I had been "seeing" for a while but things never took off. I can't seem to make it past about 2 months. It seems like guys meet me, think I'm decent looking and nice, but then after a while just can't be bothered. Usually right when I'm thinking things are going well. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Lately I've been getting that desperate feeling that I hate. I'm worrying about the fact that I might never find someone, nights out are a disappointment if I didn't meet a guy, I'm spending more time thinking about guys from the past and old crushes. Generally feeling a bit bad about myself. I've been to counselling for self-esteem issues in the past and negative feelings are starting to creep back in.

Have I really missed out on a lot? I feel so much more immature than my friends because I haven't had a serious relationship or had a strong connection with someone. Would it put a guy off? What if I do actually meet someone but just don't know how to handle it and end up ruining it anyway? Any advice welcome.

Lorna123

I think it is always nice to be in a good relationship, but all of that is pure luck. If you just have hobbies that you enjoy and join as many groups as you can everything else will fall into place naturally. The problem arises when you zone in on a particular area and then get obsessed by it. Stop thinking about trying to have a successful relationship and it will happen naturally. You have plenty of time to meet someone. Join travel groups, who go on holidays together, this is a good way to meet like minded people.

Roisy7

Hi Socorro, I am nearly 24 too and have only ever had one relationship, which lasted 6 months, when I was 18.

In some ways I know exactly what you mean, about nights out being disappointing, about feeling you're not good enough or whatever. I share alot of those same feelings. Yet, you have a lot of time to go yet before you should start worrying about it, I won't worry anyway til I'm 30. Currently I'm back home temporarily so it's not an ideal time or place to meet someone.

I think maybe you should focus on the positives of being single. I'm sure not all your friends are in perfect relationships, I know not all mine are. There are also friends of mine who go from relationship to relationship because they don't want to be single. You sound like you've done alot of work on yourself and you are probably in a better place than someone like that.

I too have done a lot of work on myself in the last 5 years and I think to be honest I would be ready for a relationship now. I look back at the type of girlfriend I was at 18 and I was terrible, I'm surprised I wasn't dumped sooner!

Don't hope for the love of your life from nights out, if drink makes you lonely cut back, and remember always a relationship should never define a person. Remember you're free to travel and do whatever you want. Best of luck, I hope our princes will come someday

Kevster

Hey Socorro - nice username,

At 24, I was also disappointed (or disillusioned is a better word) with relationships in my past and was also doubting whether I'd find someone. Unlike you, however, I did actually call those '2 month' things proper relationships just to boost the numbers in my favour!

I never really met anyone 'substantial' until about 5 yers later, at 29, when I decided to just get my butt up and travel to Argentina to explore life (I speak good Spanish). I met a lovely girl there and we got on great and made plans to work it out, but it didn't in the end because -well - it's far away!

However, that one change (getting up and going to Argentina) made me realise that I was actually of a 'relationship' calibre. So, when I got back, I became determined to try and try again to find the right person. Currently, at almost 30 years of age, I've been with a girl for over a year (but this was after countless dates with people that went nowhere).

So, my conlusion is to keep on trying, but to do so in a different way. Are we ever going to meet our soul-mate in a club? - maybe. However, don't rule out 'just' meeting up with people and seeing where things go.

Embrace life for yourself and then let someone tag along with you if they want.

Kevin

Socorro

Thanks everyone for replies, really appreciate it and they were nice to read!

I know it's not rational, but I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone that likes me as much as I like them. I do go out and socialise and I try to keep up hobbies and interests. Whenever I mention this to friends, they always say something along the lines of 'oh it always happens when you're not looking for it' but I haven't been looking for about 5 years and I've gotten nowhere!

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on other things. Currently trying to save up enough money to move out of the family home - not earning a lot though so this is taking a while! Nice to have a goal anyway.

I'm just feeling lonely now I suppose and I wish I had somebody to share stuff with.

Kevster

Socorro wrote: »

I'm just feeling lonely now I suppose and I wish I had somebody to share stuff with.

Hey, we're with you ... if even across the Internet. To be able to reach out and talk/write to someone who understands you is something very positive to do. We all want to feel loved and understood...

Kevin

IRISHSPORTSGUY

Would you try internet dating?

Roisy7

Socorro wrote: »

Whenever I mention this to friends, they always say something along the lines of 'oh it always happens when you're not looking for it' but I haven't been looking for about 5 years and I've gotten nowhere!

Take it from me, I love my friends to bits but I've some that have been in relationships for 5-6 years and tbh I don't think they have a clue what it's like to be single. So don't take that sort of thing very seriously, it's just platitudes tbh.

ALSO, while I know you haven't been looking for 5 years, there is a grain of truth to it. The more relaxed you are, the more attractive you are. So I'm hoping anyway

Socorro

Roisy7 wrote: »

Take it from me, I love my friends to bits but I've some that have been in relationships for 5-6 years and tbh I don't think they have a clue what it's like to be single. So don't take that sort of thing very seriously, it's just platitudes tbh.

ALSO, while I know you haven't been looking for 5 years, there is a grain of truth to it. The more relaxed you are, the more attractive you are. So I'm hoping anyway

Haha yeah some of my friends are the same. Never heard that word platitude before, it's a good one thanks!

As for online dating, it just doesn't appeal to me. I get that it's great for some people but I just don't feel any inclination to try it. Maybe one day.

Guess I just have to work on my patience

IRISHSPORTSGUY

Socorro wrote: »

Haha yeah some of my friends are the same. Never heard that word platitude before, it's a good one thanks!

As for online dating, it just doesn't appeal to me. I get that it's great for some people but I just don't feel any inclination to try it. Maybe one day.

Guess I just have to work on my patience

Why? Just curious like. A lot of people on there would be looking for a relationship too, just cherry pick the best profiles and ignore creepers.

Socorro

IRISHSPORTSGUY wrote: »

Why? Just curious like. A lot of people on there would be looking for a relationship too, just cherry pick the best profiles and ignore creepers.

Fear of the unknown I guess I'm a bit uneasy putting info online, kind of feel like I gave too much away in this thread even! Also would be worried about somebody I know seeing me on it, and I wouldn't like to see someone I know on it either. I've heard about plenty of older people I know using online dating but none my age. I wouldn't completely rule it out for the future but right now I just don't want to.

shalalala

Socorro wrote: »

Fear of the unknown I guess I'm a bit uneasy putting info online, kind of feel like I gave too much away in this thread even! Also would be worried about somebody I know seeing me on it, and I wouldn't like to see someone I know on it either. I've heard about plenty of older people I know using online dating but none my age. I wouldn't completely rule it out for the future but right now I just don't want to.

I am 24, my OH is 22, we met online 1 1/2 years ago

SurferRosa

Hi there, I was the same as you - at 24 I had very little relationship experience. I dated a few guys, one for several months, but like you nothing took off!
One night at 24 I went out, saw a guy I liked the look of, and started chatting to him. 6 years later, we're married with 3 kids. I feel he is the perfect man for me, and now looking back, I see how little it matters how little experience I had back then.
Once you do meet someone that's good for you, the inexperience will soon seem irrelevant to you, and although its a cliche, you never know what's around the corner

Socorro

SurferRosa wrote: »

Hi there, I was the same as you - at 24 I had very little relationship experience. I dated a few guys, one for several months, but like you nothing took off!
One night at 24 I went out, saw a guy I liked the look of, and started chatting to him. 6 years later, we're married with 3 kids. I feel he is the perfect man for me, and now looking back, I see how little it matters how little experience I had back then.
Once you do meet someone that's good for you, the inexperience will soon seem irrelevant to you, and although its a cliche, you never know what's around the corner

Thanks! Sometimes I'm not bothered by the lack of relationships, more worried that going through relationships at this stage of my life is something I should be doing. So it's nice to hear that the lack of experience might be irrelevant in the future!