Worried about telling my mother...

LegacyUser

Me and my Mum have never really been close like the majority of mother/daughter relationships. When **** hits fans, she is however, amazing and has always been there encouraging me during my education, hobbies etc...

Only two weeks ago I was diagnosed with having moderate depression and have been making good progress since speaking to the doctor and getting medication. This to me is a HUGE life changing process. It's scary and there is always the worry that I am going to slip back into feelings of awfulness that I've felt over the last few years.

I live with my partner who is quite a bit older than me (people have thought he was my father) and my Mum has never really been happy about it. Anytime I've been romantically involved with someone she has never approved or been accepting of them.

This is what worries me about telling her about my recent diagnosis and how I've been feeling. I just know that she'll blame it on the fact that I moved out of her house, moved in with my partner and although finishing my further education, am unemployed.
I feel like I'm lying to her about my health and especially my mental health. I don't tell my mother everything but I just think she needs to know how I'm feeling and how I'm getting the help required.

Ahhhhh!!! What do I do!?! :-/

Merkin

You don't have to tell her at all. Or if you are absolutely adamant that you are going to tell her you don't have to do it immediately.

You've only just sought diagnosis and treatment. There's a lot to process. Don't pile unnecessary pressure on yourself by feeling you've to disclose everything. Concentrate on yourself and your own wellbeing and revisit how you feel when the meds started working and your life is back on an even keel.

For now you need to look after yourself.

Toast4532

I agree with Merkin, you don't need to tell your mother or anyone else about your illness or treatment.

Take some time to accept, process and deal with your diagnosis yourself before you tell anyone.

I myself have depression and when I was diagnosed I kept it to myself for a few months and then told my family, even now, a few years after my diagnosis some of my family still don't know and I have no intentions of telling them either.

The very best of luck OP, I hope you get the treatment/help you need and everything goes well for you.

Wizzy2011

It's times like this when you need support, it seems as though your mild depression has been lingering for a while until the diagnosis. Your mother seems like your rock when important things happen in your life, believe me your mother will be on your side and will be there as your rock to help you through this tough period in your life. If you do tell her, reassure her that your current partner has nothing to do with your depression, but if he does then let it out, she will help you regardless. As for depression itself, it's a terrible condition I personally witnessed but there is light at the end of the tunnel with great support and openness comes with it a realisation that the situation you are is beatable and you will come out of this bigger and stronger than you've ever been!

December2012

I hope you feel better.

No advice re your mam but well done for seeking treatment.

RossFixxxed

There's no urgency about telling here, and to be honest from what you have said I would leave it for now. You are getting treatment and that is brilliant. If you have a fear she will undermine this by blaming your OH, then just leave that stress aside. Once you are on the mend you'll be stronger and more able to handle it.

It is YOUR health, YOUR treatmen and YOUR business. Nobody else's. Doing something so important for youself, and there is NOTHING REMOTELY selfish about not telling people. Take it slow and look after yourself!

You shouldn't take being diagnosed with depression as a HUGE life change, because it isn't. It's just putting a name on something you've probably already suspected yourself (otherwise you wouldn't have gone in for the diagnoses) and instead, just see it as a step in the right direction. Its tough, sure, but doable, if you want it to. That's not belittling what you're going through, but instead asking you to change your perspective on it. Rather than worrying about slipping back into it, enjoy your life and figure out ways to put steps in place so that you won't slip - exercise regularly, eat healthily, take your medication, and talk to somebody.

With regards to your mother, you don't have to tell her if you don't want to, but you have said she's supportive in the past with everything - surely this instinct would override whatever feelings she might have about your partner, which is entirely your own business and nobody else's? Again, you don't have to tell anyone, but it might be worth mentioning it to your partner, if you haven't already.

meeeeh

guestingtoday wrote: »

Me and my Mum have never really been close like the majority of mother/daughter relationships. When **** hits fans, she is however, amazing and has always been there encouraging me during my education, hobbies etc...

It seems you have perfectly healthy relationship with your mother. I get on great with my mother, there is no resentment, she likes my boyfriend and loves my kids. However whenever they visit me (twice or three times per year for couple of days) we have an argument, not a big one but I am temperamental and I easily boil over. They are my parents but my opinions and interests and a way of life are different than theirs. I'm not going out with them unless it's some family occasion and I certainly don't tell them about all my problems. We chose our friends but we can't pick our family. However that doesn't mean we don't love them dearly. The pally mother/daughter relationship is a bit of a myth IMO and half the time means that mum is more progressive than women of her generation or more likely that daughter is a bit too submissive or old fashioned. I wouldn't worry if your mother doesn't approve of everything you do, it's enough she accepts it. If you think she'll be no help now, don't tell her or tell her later, you have to think of yourself first. If you decide to talk to her then be as informed and upfront about it as you possibly can. And if her reaction isn't helpful just tell her, I suspect that most important thing to her will be you getting better and not discussing who is to blame.