did i act like a control freak or that guy was playing me around?

maria34

hey,

i try to do it as short as a i can ...met a guy online, he came forward really strong, planned things for future without meeting me up yet and so on. anyway i told him we have to meet face to face first and see is there any spark.

he messaged me all the time, dont know where he got the time from. if i didnt answer, he asked me am i ok. i know loads about his family, they really exist.

first date was rearranged as he texted me on last minute, that hes involved with work. fair enough, had another date, he brought me for a dinner, didnt touch me, was polite and nice. we planned another date straight away, went for a coffee. and next time i went to his house. the house was eem ... theres was not so much stuff in it, he said he doesnt have much stuff.

next date was cancelled by him because of his car was broke. happens. after it his mum got sick. she is old i know. he told me im such a nice person because i understand mums are important. and then he came to my house, brought his son with him. hes 9. he has him every weekend, so i got told. had lovely time again (no sex involved) and planned to meet up the weekend after that.

thats where it gets dodgy. he didnt txt much any more, fine. but he rang all the time. i didnt ring him. didnt want to be pushy, but my gut instinct said something is wrong here. and ofcourse when we were suppose to have a nice saturday, he went to the doc and got some sort of injection. i rang him up to ask how he is getting on after it, he didnt take the phone but texted he is dizzy and sick and cant talk. after i asked him how he can text then he said he cant talk on the phone as he is in a room with loads of ppl and his sister is there. i answered something like he has to be honest with me and since then he is gone.

seriously is it me controlling?

kiffer

How long ago was this? Days? A week?

maria34

it was 3 days ago.

P. Breathnach

Sounds dodgy to me. Too many excuses, and the absence of solid background.

Have you given any inclination of doubt to his other excuses? I don't know, to me, it kinda sounds like he might have gotten fed up. Things happen or come up, so it probably isn't nice to have these questioned, especially when they're likely true - if I was sick or dizzy after something like that, I wouldn't want to be on the phone whatsoever.

rainbowtrout

Is it possible that he's already involved in another relationship. I know stuff happens to people with work, sickness etc, but it just seems like one excuse after another.

maria34

thats why i got a bit suspisious to be honest. think he is involved with someone else too.

things actually started to get weird few days before that. at first he said he has to talk with his mum, does she want to go somewhere on the wknd as she doesnt drive. she didnt, so the next thing popped up was about his child, he got that sorted aswell as he said. and then - he will go to get that injection as hes health wasnt good. he didnt know then how it will work on him (he has got these injections before, so he should know)...

i know im suspecious but if u get let down few times then theres every right to be.

maria34

oo yes and he doesnt have facebook as ppl are annoying there. when i asked him to activate it (wanted to share some funny stuff with him there), he said he will, but wants to delete few ppl there first. he didnt do it ofcourse.

tell me im not a lunatic pls!

CaraMay

It's much too messy and too much hard work. The start of a relationship is supposed to be fun and you should not feel this paranoid about the other person - if it's going to be a healthy relationship that is.

Merkin

maria34 wrote: »

my gut instinct said something is wrong here.

Cut him loose. Always listen to your gut. He sounds like a. he's a loose cannon and b. like he's full of sh1t. Why would you even bother?

ilovesleep

First thing that jumped out at me from your op was what you wrote about him being too full on early on, especially at a stage that you hadn't even met.
People like this should definately be avoided. There's something not right about that. These people are quick at 'loving you' (it's all words from them and that's all it is) and are just as quick at dropping you.

Secondly, there's far far too much excuses. BAbogman above wrote that maybe he's annoyed at you for even trying to question him after the what? 3rd or 4th time to disappoint and offer an excuse. I don't believe that. You could be meek at accepting his excuse just for more than likely more of the same thing to happen again next week and the week after. If he's disappointed you, again, it's up to him to put that right in some way instead of getting annoyed that you would question him. But he's not doing that. IMO, his excuses are just blowing you off because's he's too cowardly to say what he's truly feeling.

maria34

yes he was too full on alright. he asked us to go out with the kids, go to do this and that. offered to come to my house and set up all the tv system etc etc. i told him to chill out and meet up first. u dont bring your kids into this that quick!

he got that distant just maybe a week ago. before it was so full on. but when i asked him lately is he ok and maybe he doesnt want it so quick he said no he likes me so so much, so i just kept going on in case he really had a sick mum and broken car. but when he let me down again i knew it will happen again and again. so i just wanted to catch him i guess.

i have cut him out already anyway, dont have his number or anything any more.

Stavro Mueller

It could well be the case of my imagination going wild here but I wonder what the story is with the house. I wonder does he really live in it or is it an empty rented house that he has access to?

Whether it is or not, it looks like you have dodged a bullet. As Merkin said, you should always listen to your gut. There's a lot of stuff here that isn't adding up and you're right to be suspicious.

maria34

ah thanks guys. im not a nut job, thats what i wanted to hear after all. phew.

the house was a country house. not much stuff in it. i wasnt suspisious then, toke him as he is, but i asked what about all the stuff where is that. i have loads of pieces in my house on the shelfs or just everywhere. but he said he throw everything away when he broke up with his ex 4 years ago. back then i tought right ppl are different, maybe thats how we dealt with his break up.
there was a room, which i didnt enter. it was his sons, sons name was on the door and other pics problably his son did draw.
in the beginning he sent me pics from his house - he has a cat there and how he had a fire in a fireplace. that all adds up, it looked the same as on the pic.

ilovesleep

maria34 wrote: »

the house was a country house. not much stuff in it. i wasnt suspisious then, toke him as he is, but i asked what about all the stuff where is that. ... but he said he throw everything away when he broke up with his ex 4 years ago. back then i tought right ppl are different, maybe thats how we dealt with his break up.
there was a room, which i didnt enter. it was his sons, sons name was on the door and other pics problably his son did draw.
in the beginning he sent me pics from his house - he has a cat there and how he had a fire in a fireplace. that all adds up, it looked the same as on the pic.

By the sounds of it you're reading too much into little things & trying to piece them together. I relate to your post because I had something similiar done to me - loads of waiting around with excuses from a man. I did the same. I tried to piece things together trying to make sense of it but all the pieces were crooked. As was he. It screwed with my head.

kiffer

I hope he's ok... going in to the doctor and then dropping off the radar.

maria34

kiffer wrote: »

I hope he's ok... going in to the doctor and then dropping off the radar.

Im pretty sure he is ok. Altho he never answered after i told him to be honest. Maybe he lost his ability to talk and txt.

Or maybe i should ask how he is doing for my own peace of mind? Maybe something really happened to him?