Wife Fantasies

edmac33

When we have sex my Wife talks about how she fantasies about her with another woman and me? She goes into real detail and gets extremely excited at the thought of it. She tells me she talks like this to get me excited etc. thing is I'm bored of it for so long.

She reads erotic books like the 50 shades etc. the latest one she reads involves 2 bi guys and a woman and she told me how this turns her on what 2 guys could do to satisfy a woman. I was surprised as she told me before 2 guys wouldn't do anything for her.

We have an ok sex life but she gets much more horny when she reads these books resulting in more frequent and better sex for us. I don't read these books and always assumed they were just man and woman sex etc not 2 Bi Guys with a Woman or anything.

Thing is I'm disgusted at the thought of her getting turned on about 2 Bi men and another Woman, she's told me before she would consider a 3 some with another Woman but only a Woman but now this book she reads with the 2 Bi Men she said she would consider trying that. I have no interest or intention of trying either one.

I just can't understand why she isn't satisfied with just me? Like she said it would be to spice things up etc. I pointed out the huge risks involving a 3rd person to her how one of us could get jealous or how it could split us up!
We have a lot to lose if we went down that road with Marriage, house and kids.

I feel betrayed and angry as if she is cheating. How can i have sex with her knowing she is mist likely thinking of the above? She has only ever been with me but I have been with others before I met my Wife.

Any advice would help!

judgefudge

Hmm... Sounds like she wants to experiment with her sexuality. That can be difficult when married but at least she is open about it and trying to include you.

At the same time you are entitled to not be interested. If my boyfriend was talking about having a threesome the whole time it would get to me too. Have you told her it bothers you? And that you do not want to involve anyone else? And if so what was her reaction?

baby and crumble

I dunno, op. Everyone's entitled to a fantasy life, no? I mean I can totally understand how if she's been on about the same thing for ages and you've told her how it makes you feel, but she still goes on about it... That's disrespectful. But you can't stop her from having fantasies, jut as she can't stop you from having some too.

I'm from the school of thought whereby so long as nothing is actually taking place in the real world without my permission, then my gf's mind is her own. If she gets off on thinking about a threesome, that's fine with me.

I'd suggest you speak to her, let her know how you feel, but don't demand she stop reading certain books or having particular fantasies. IMHO no-one has the right to do that in any relationship.

Cupcake_Crisis

It's a bit of a tricky situation op, you cant control her thoughts or fantasies. You said you're the only man your wife has been with, and while that is lovely, it means there is a whole world of sexual experimentation she didn't get to experience. These books could have just made her imagination run away with her and when the novelty of them wears off, she'll calm down. Have you thought of indulging her with some of the idea's in the books that don't involve a third person? She could just be craving a bit of excitement, and when she see's you're willing to come on board with it, the desire for another person may go out the window!

kjl

I think fantasy is a healthy part of relationships, it doesn't mean it's going to lead to anything more, it's a fantasy.

I can assure you that if you did manage to set up a threesome with your wife, she probably wouldn't go through with it.

She is not alone btw, I have been with a few girls who loved a little lesbian pillow talk.

blatantrereg

She's not cheating. It sounds like she's only thought about stuff in the context of fantasy really. She seems to be interested in realising some of those fantasies, and I understand why you're bothered by that. There's no point getting worked up about it though - just tell her it's not happening. You're quite right about the risks involved imo.

I dont think it is most likely that she's thinking about this sort of thing while you're sleeping with her tbh. Normal enough to be bothered by that idea, but I wouldn't assume it's the case.

You could look at exprimenting with other fantasies she eems to have: Ones that would be a bit more harmless and safer; light bondage or stuff along those lines.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm a woman and I get turned on by the idea of threesomes, both with 2 men and one woman and 2 women and one man. Having said that, I have no interest at all in HAVING a threesome. It's just harmless fantasy.

Personally I don't really like talking about fantasies. It's something that is in my own head, my own private thoughts. I will talk dirty with my partner but prefer to be more realistic (telling him what I want to do with him or what I want him to do with me).

It wouldn't turn me on at all for him to talk to me about another woman.

Just tell your wife that you don't find it arousing and that you'd like to be more intimate when talking dirty.

But thinking that her fantasizing about a threesome means she is going to risk her marriage, is a total over reaction.

RossFixxxed

There are a few fantasies I have myself that I would have NO interest in actually doing. But them being a little taboo makes them fun to discuss / fantasise about with my OH. There's nothing behind them other than enjoyable daydreams.

If she really wants to act on them, you'd better have a talk about it, that would be very different. I wouln't take any of it personally, it's just fantasising, you can't control your thoughts and the mental experiments you do in your own head.

Bet there's a few you have that you're not sure about telling her too.

edmac33

Thank you all for your replies it has really helped.