Discipline issue with toddler

lmahoney79

My son is 19 months old and can be very defiant! He is generally a very good boy but if he does something wrong and we give out to him for it, he just does it even more. I know he does it because he's getting a reaction but how else do we tell him to stop.....what do other parents do?

littlemissfixit

At that age with my toddler I didn't really want to start a naughty step sort of thing, I thought she was to young. So my reaction really depended on what she was doing (and I had it written down to remind myself, and so my partner would do the same). First I made a clear break between what was not acceptable and what was better ignored (choose your battles as they say), so anything rude or dangerous was a no-go, the rest we let her be a toddler.
so basically if she was doing something bold/dangerous with a toy or a household object, I would ask her not to do it calmly and warn that I would take it off her if she did it again. Obviously she would do it again and I would go through with the threat. Of course if it was something really dangerous I would take it off immediately goes without saying.
If it didn't involve toy/object, but just being bold, I would ask and warn the same but then remove her from where she was, usually putting her in the corner sofa and then turning my back on her.

I must say it doesn't really get the bad behavior out of them, I think they just have to grow out of it, but that way I remained calm and controlled (most of the time :rolleyes:)
We introduced the "sorry" when she was about 20 months. She is much better now at 27 mths.
Good luck

pwurple

Switchero so far for me.

I do a quick distraction along with the giving out.

So, if she is trying to write all over the table, I tell her no drawing on the furniture, while sticking the colouring book down instead.

So far, it's working ok, keeps me on my toes finding things to swap.

Haven't hit the twos yet though.

lmahoney79

One thing he keeps doing is grinding his teeth because he knows he shouldn't do it, so the more we say no, don't do that the louder he gets!

vitani

lmahoney79 wrote: »

One thing he keeps doing is grinding his teeth because he knows he shouldn't do it, so the more we say no, don't do that the louder he gets!

Grinding teeth drives me mad as well, but seriously, pick your battles. At the moment, he's getting attention whenever he grinds his teeth. Why would he want to stop doing it?

In terms of discipline, my little lady is just going 2. She gets told off for going near the fire or the cooker, or if she bites or is rough. For pretty much anything else it's distraction or removing whatever is causing the behaviour. If she's throwing her dinner on the floor, it's taken away as she's clearly not hungry. If she's playing with something she shouldn't have, it's taken away and one of her own toys given to her. If she tries to run away from me when we're walking somewhere, she gets one chance to walk nicely or else she's carried or put in the buggy. I make extra allowances when she's tired. She's a little livewire but at this age, they're just testing their boundaries. There's no real defiance there.

pwurple

lmahoney79 wrote: »

One thing he keeps doing is grinding his teeth because he knows he shouldn't do it, so the more we say no, don't do that the louder he gets!

All children grind their teeth to smooth off the edges. Leave him at it.
(Some do it in their sleep, when you don't realise.... I remember one night when her basket was in the room with us wondering what teh fook the noise was. heh.)

wmpdd3

pwurple wrote: »

All children grind their teeth to smooth off the edges. Leave him at it.
(Some do it in their sleep, when you don't realise.... I remember one night when her basket was in the room with us wondering what teh fook the noise was. heh.)

I wondered about that, I do it and so does my daughter, I though she might be stressed about something or having a nightmare!

I have put my daughter on the step since she was 16 months. I explain why what she did was wrong in 1 sentence.

So far it has never not worked, but my sister's 4 year old just screams 'RIGHT so I'll sit on the step, than', when she is seen misbehaving.

Its the only way I know that I can discipline two toddlers at the same time, in 3 months, I'll be doing this and my sister often had to do both her's (15 month age difference)

How Strange

I definitely subscribe to the theory of picking your battles. Sometimes you have to ignore certain behaviour.

What has worked for us so far is distraction so when you see him doing something try distracting him or diverting his attention to something else.

If that isn't possible then I say no that's not a nice thing to do and I leave him where he is for a little while so I'm not giving attention to the behaviour. I'll go back and check with him and if he's snapped out of it I'll give him a kiss and a hug. If he's still in that mood I'll leave him to it again.

I don't call him a bold boy when he does something but rather I call the behaviour bold. It's important not that he doesn't associate being a bold boy with getting lots of attention from mammy and daddy.

He's at a stage now where everyone has to be happy. He can only understand happy and sad in himself do he can understand if someone else feels happy or sad. If he does something like slapping then I'll say its not nice and makes mammy very sad. He soon snaps out of it, gives me a hug and tells me that mammy us happy now and I always agree with him.

I only give attention to positive behaviour and he's only ever a good boy so that he will know that's it's the only kind of behaviour that gets my attention.

So far those techniques have worked for us but I'm sure we'll have to adapt them and add to them as we go.

lmahoney79

Thanks for all the advice, some useful tips there!

Oral Slang

We're at that stage now, I try to ask her why she's angry, upset, using distraction techniques etc., but as she's only 15 months, it's not easy. I ask her to say sorry if she slaps us, which she does. She doesn't understand fully why she's saying it, but I hope she will understand it eventually.

Unfortunately my little one was taught by other family members to say ah ah & slap things if she bangs herself, so is continuously doing it. I've tried to tell her that the things are good & kiss them, which she does, but then the next time she does it again.