Blushing and shaking:

LegacyUser

Hi! I hope you are well!
In the past couple of months I have been blushing socially in certain situations:
-when a pretty girl was cutting my hair
-at work when someone was having a laugh
-during an after work course which was done with my colleagues.
I can feel the blush starting and feel a fight or flight feeling: find it hard to look people in the eye when I feel really red. I am rreally keen to get out for some air and clear the blush.

Also I have been noticing my hands can shake a bit socially:
- drinking a pint with work colleagues
- getting my hair cut today, the hair dresser was carefully cutting my locks/sideburns and i got really nervous and shaky...

Just feel a bit crap after it: feel a bit down...

Anyone relate to this?

Lionel Messy

I have social phobia. I am not saying you do.

I can relate to having the hair cut by a woman. I would go red too. I have my own clippers now just to avoid it.

skyfall2012

Hi OP, this was me 20 years ago. It was very distressing for me, I blushed really easily, I developed the shakes when I was working for an absolute b***h. Anyhow, I went to the doctor to see if he could give me a pill to stop all this, as I couldn't even hand money over to pay for my goods in a shop without shaking. It was very distressing. Anyhow Dr. told me to go to a consellor, which I did but I didn't like it, so stopped.

I got myself a self help book on anxiety which gave me tools to help me cope which was very helpful. I also joined a drama group and had a monologue to do in a play alone on the stage (this was me doing my own shock therapy). That was so nerve racking, I had to take a few swigs of brandy for Dutch courage. I got through all the plays, my knees would shake, but I knew my lines so well that I made it through, just went on automatic.

Anyhow, all that contributed to my cure as am fine now and it didn't take too long to get back in control. Looking back I attribute it to extremely low self esteem. I have self acceptance now and it feels really good. So, try work on that also. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies! I do have a bit of social phobia...also generalised anxiety and ocd; i have been seeing a cbt therapist and take ssri meds too; it is tough going but I have worked hard at it for over 10 years.

I think the key to it is the worrying of what others think of me when I go red or when i shake:think as well, if i fight the anxiety it gets worse, but if u just acept you are anxious and go with it, it always does fade; but it is still tough going and very tiring too...


Skyfall, what was the key to you accepting yourself?

skyfall2012

Blushing boyyy wrote: »

Hey! Thanks for the replies! I do have a bit of social phobia...also generalised anxiety and ocd; i have been seeing a cbt therapist and take ssri meds too; it is tough going but I have worked hard at it for over 10 years.

I think the key to it is the worrying of what others think of me when I go red or when i shake:think as well, if i fight the anxiety it gets worse, but if u just acept you are anxious and go with it, it always does fade; but it is still tough going and very tiring too...


Skyfall, what was the key to you accepting yourself?

First of all realising that I wasn't at the centre of the universe. Meaning bad things that happen around me are not always about me e.g. Say my neighbour ignores me when I greet them, the old me would have worried and wondered what I had done to cause this to happen, the new me would think 'God help him/her' there must be something upsetting going on in his/her life.

Understanding that it is me, that makes me feel bad or anxious and I have control of that e.g. if i was to stand outside the door of a room and cannot hear the people in the room say bad things about me I don't feel bad, so them saying things about me isn't the cause of my feelings, it is me allowing my feelings to be hurt.

Understanding that I am a good person and I don't go out to hurt anybody and I deserve a shot at life like everyone else.

Realising that 90% of the people in the world are good and don't want to see other people hurt, and they won't write you off like I used to imagine, when I messed up or said something stupid. They give you plenty of chances, people often forget your mistakes. If you have been behaving badly and turned over a new leaf, most people will welcome you back into their lives, when you have decided to lead a better life and become a better friend.

A little secret that may sound crazy but as a way of developing my new way of thinking, I use TV watch movie like 'Bridesmaids' where her mistakes are cringe worthy, I imagine it is 'me' doing this stuff and I watch how she reacts to everybody and how she doesn't hide under a rock, she always come out fighting The presence of this richer more beautiful friend of the bride who is causing her grief, doesn't faze her. Another good movie is 'The Zookeeper' a comedy, some cringe worthy scenes at the wedding. But, I love they way they apologise and brush it off as if it was nothing. I realise these are extreme, but doing this really helps me reprogram myself.

This was a hard question to answer, because it took me years to learn all these tools and I use them without thinking now. So I think I have the important stuff in here. A good book to read is 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. Hope this helps. Good luck OP.