Girlfriend Acting Out?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'm in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend. Mostly all good, had one ugly break up which didn't last long, got back together and actually made things better in the end.

Recently moved in together and we both feel we've got stuck in a rut.
This is my first time living with a partner and I guess we both aren't used to the idea of that, so maybe we rushed it.
I was so used to my own routine, going to bed before 12 getting up early. Whereas, she's up all night till 4 or 5. I tried to keep up with her at first but eventually had to just give in and go to sleep at my time and try follow my routine as close as possible.

Lately, she's made new friends which is fine but she has become increasingly more distant.
She claims I'm unattracted to her now and I have no interest in doing anything or meeting with her friends.

She makes it out as if we never do anything which is completely untrue any chance we get, we go out, to dinner dates I go out with her friends to clubs pubs etc. provided im not working or I'm not working early the next morning. She thinks I'm boring for not wanting to go out have fun live life while We're young.

At present, she's been ignoring me. Not returning my calls or texts. Going out drinking with her friends every night not letting me know where she is if shes safe nothing.
I know she hasn't been cheating on me and I do trust her . She says shes doing all this stuff to distract herself as immature as it is.

I think we jumped into living together to early too young maybe. Our intimacy and sex life hasn't been the best since it. I'm extremely attracted to her she's gorgeous. But she doesn't believe me. But after work/college I go home pass out and start it all the next day again.

Now the friends she made are kinda the stoner type which is ok I suppose. I just worry she'd get into harder stuff. So far so good as far as I know but I still worry. She claims im going to have fun and i dont really care what you have to say about it.

The one thing I can think of that may be my problem apart from fatigue, which appears to run in my family along with depression, is in the back of my mind im not that experienced she's the only girl I've really ever been with and as much as I love her and want to be with her and spend my life with her. I keep thinking I could go out, get girls have fun which i've never done. Might sound I bit di*kheaded but I've never experienced that kinda thing in my life and feel maybe im missing out. But im almost certain she's the one for me.

Any thoughts?

Sorry if its long/ doesn't make sense my head is melted.

ShowMeTheCash

OK dude,

I could probably have written the exact same story... But I was with my ex 8 years..... I do not think you have moved in together too soon, 4 years is a long time, if you don't know her by now you probably never will.

From my experience:

Relationships go through phases, if you start dating in your early 20s you are probably going to have a roller coaster ride as people usually change the most in these years... Sometimes for the better, but sometimes it pushes people further apart...

Ultimately people sometimes want to have their cake and eat it, they want to be in a relationship for the security or companionship and love but at the same time they want the single life to be free spirited only worry about themselves and answer to no-one!!!!

These people are selfish and immature....
Now sometimes we are immature because we are young... still learning and usually is only comes with age that we look back and think.... Dam I put her/him through a lot of whatever...

But if someone respects you, loves you they should not take you for granted....

In my experience I had to removed myself from it... It was not easy as I was crazy about my ex and felt like she was so selfish she actually left it to me to do the breaking up....

Looking back breaking up with her was the best thing that could of happened to me... I realized after I licked my wounds that I was not even happy, I bent over backwards to try and fix a problem that was not fixable with someone that simply did not care!!!!

Hope it works out in your favor!

LegacyUser

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

OK dude,

I could probably have written the exact same story... But I was with my ex 8 years..... I do not think you have moved in together too soon, 4 years is a long time, if you don't know her by now you probably never will.

From my experience:

Relationships go through phases, if you start dating in your early 20s you are probably going to have a roller coaster ride as people usually change the most in these years... Sometimes for the better, but sometimes it pushes people further apart...

Ultimately people sometimes want to have their cake and eat it, they want to be in a relationship for the security or companionship and love but at the same time they want the single life to be free spirited only worry about themselves and answer to no-one!!!!

These people are selfish and immature....
Now sometimes we are immature because we are young... still learning and usually is only comes with age that we look back and think.... Dam I put her/him through a lot of whatever...

But if someone respects you, loves you they should not take you for granted....

In my experience I had to removed myself from it... It was not easy as I was crazy about my ex and felt like she was so selfish she actually left it to me to do the breaking up....

Looking back breaking up with her was the best thing that could of happened to me... I realized after I licked my wounds that I was not even happy, I bent over backwards to try and fix a problem that was not fixable with someone that simply did not care!!!!

Hope it works out in your favor!

Thanks for the advice man.

I've been thinking about it for a long time.

Breaking up with her could be very good for me and sure I'll get over it someday. It'll force me to be more outgoing maybe make more of an effort, come out of my shell a bit more, all of that kind of thing.

But the problem lies in what if I'm actually meant to be with her? The thoughts of her with anyone else would kill me. We wouldnt at all be able to be friends she's basically a member of my family so that's my main problem really at the moment.

ShowMeTheCash

I am not saying you should give up on the relationship...
It is a hard, hard thing to know what to do in these scenarios and everyone will have a different story to tell.

With me, we sat down and talked about it a number of times, and we did try to get things back on track... But after a few weeks it always seemed to come back to exactly the same place. I actually lived with her and her parents for 2 years, I still see her Mum most weekends.

I remember her mum crying when she saw me after about the first 2 months after the break-up, I basically had to give her a hug and tell her it was OK... I remember saying look no one "died" we did not even fall out, her response was, "it feels like someone did"... I am not friends with my ex, I wish her all the best but we do not talk....

Not going to lie it was hard but like anything, it hurts a lot at the beginning but in time it gets better, you find your feet and you eventually remember what it is to be you again.

But sometimes all your relationship needs is a bit of a kick in the @ss!!!
People are never happy with each other 100% of the time.. This is just life, we all get into a rut from time to time....

I guess you should just ask her, is she happy? Does she still want to be with you, if she shrugs it off you should just explain that you are not happy and you really need to talk about this....

Sometimes if she thinks you are thinking of breaking up with her it might mean she will look or take it more seriously... But in my experience what happened she simply agreed that we need time apart... Which really told me everything I needed to know...

But as I say, it all might work out, but I think you really need to talk to her!

All the best.