Just fell out with my 3 best mates

AdamOHare

My 3 best mates that I grew up and went to primary school/secondary. The 3 of them are real stereotypical "them blacks are bleeding the country dry", "I dont vote because which politician is ever going to give me a job", "I didnt learn one single thing in secondary school that helps me in my day-to-day life", "sure if we legalise weed the country would be booming again", "the garda are a pack of w@nkers that hate me just because my address" etc Over the past year or so we started clashing everytime we get together- but last night it all just came out. I got pretty pissed and fcuked them off. And then we all started telling some home truths. I think thats the friendships over now (well me with them, obviously they are all still friends). Thats me pretty much friendless now. Not sure how/where Im going to find new ones. (no brothers/sisters/cousins living in the same town).

vard

Sounds as if it's for the best. They sound like a despicable bunch of cretins. You're better off without them. Through that alone you'll probably end up making new - better - friends.

ShowMeTheCash

As children we out grow our clothes and shoes, as we get older sometimes we out grow our friends and neighbors...

ManOfMystery

We sometimes form attachments to people at primary school and as we get older, they tend to remain 'friends' even though sometimes there may no longer even be any compatibility between you all. I had a few people I considered friends from school days, but they began to piss me off (same narrowminded 'everyone owes us' attitude as the guys you mention above) so a few years back I did some soul searching and asked myself why I was still socialising with them. I didn't confide in any of them, didn't really share any ideas/passions, didn't even trust some of them .......... they were just handing drinking buddies (when they didn't annoy me). So I cut the strings and moved on.

You can't pick your family, but you can certainly choose who you consider to be friends, and IMO you should only fill your life with people who enrich it - and vice-versa. Having friends who cause you stress or clash with you all the time is ultimately a complete waste of time and contradicts the whole definition of friendship.

The Reamer

your "friends" sound like a couple of useless fcukwits.

Assuming you're motivated and "normal", you're better off not associating with such imbeciles.

tony81

You're trying to make out your friends are f***wits but you know you're the one who went out, got pissed and fought with people.

But every cloud.. You obviously want to move on from your "no mates" situation so that might mean getting your drinking and temper under control.

I'd ignore the above comments Op, as I think its perfectly reasonable to be sick of listening to ignorance. You outgrew those friends.

Ask yourself if you'd make friends with them if you met them for the first time as an adult, and if the answer is no, then you're exactly where you should be.

Do you meet people through work? Do you have any hobbies that bring you into contact with new people? Take every opportunity to socialise within new circles. Tag along everywhere you're asked and engage other people by asking their opinions and about their lives. You'll be friends before you know it, and the element of choice is yours.

AdamOHare

I think everyones missing the point here. The point is its friday night and I think I'll be spending it with my parents And Im pretty sure next friday night I'll be with my parents again.

They werent ideal friends.... but since posting the above Im starting to think that crap friends are probably better than no friends


I know boards do meetups every couple of months. But thats not much use to me. Is there anything a bit more regular like say a "saturday coffees for all the friendless people in Dublin".

Attend these events, get people's phone numbers/befriend them on Facebook/anything else and arrange to meet them if you want to. Or join a club/society and make friends through there. Check on the likes of couchsurfing.com.

Blowfish

AdamOHare wrote: »

I know boards do meetups every couple of months. But thats not much use to me. Is there anything a bit more regular like say a "saturday coffees for all the friendless people in Dublin".

www.meetup.com has events on pretty much every day. I haven't been to any myself, but it may suit.

AdamOHare

tony81 wrote: »

You're trying to make out your friends are f***wits but you know you're the one who went out, got pissed and fought with people.

But every cloud.. You obviously want to move on from your "no mates" situation so that might mean getting your drinking and temper under control.

When I said pissed.. I didnt mean pissed drunk. All of us were completely sober.

As for my drinking and anger issues? You dont even know me. Im not a huge drinker by any means. And keeping my temper under control? You werent there. This wasnt just me having a bad day and losing the head at the first person I could. This has being an ongoing problem for a year or two now. It was always going to happen. And if it didnt happen last night then it was going to happen some other night. But saying that. I am sorry about the way it happened and that it turned so nasty.

skyfall2012

Hi OP, Not sure what was said in your talk with your friends. But, I do think that if you find some of their comments offensive or even repetitive and boring, then I believe you should be able to say it. There is nothing more boring than a bunch of people that everybody have to agree with all the time, sounds like a dictatorship.

You might have given them something to think about, give it a few days you never know how things might work out.

Stavro Mueller

I've seen enough posts here from people who've clung on to so-called friends for fear of loneliness to know that crap friends really aren't any better than no friends. That scenario brings with it a whole different set of problems. You might not think it now but you'll be glad in time that you moved on from your old friends.

It's never too late to make new friends. Any scenario at all which brings you into contact with others has potential. You just need to put in the effort and talk to people

tony81

AdamOHare wrote: »

When I said pissed.. I didnt mean pissed drunk. All of us were completely sober.

As for my drinking and anger issues? You dont even know me.
...

It was always going to happen.

ahh.. american usage of the word "pissed".. pardon my confusion.

Well, I don't know you, but from a quick search your posts reveal some strong opinions similar to (opposite side of the coin?) those which you hate your friends for having. -not quoting as against forum charter

I think you have some growing up to do in future. Namely, if you don't get on with people politely part company and to avoid being a billy-no-mates, try to have an exit strategy (e.g. go to the pub with them until you meet new friends).

Also, with any friendships, concentrate on what you have in common rather than what drives you apart. There's no need to criticise and row with people just because you don't agree with their opinions. "Its was always going to happen"? What a bad attitude.

squirestarter

quite simply OP, did these people make YOU feel good about yourself when hanging out with them?

Thats what real friends do...and if u cant even call them on it youre better off letting them go

You did the right thing

Katgurl

ok i agree with the previous posters, you outgrew your friends to a certain extent.

having said that, i have one friendship which has spanned decades and truth be told if we met now our friendship might not blossom, purely because of our opposing views and lifestyles. but regardless our friendship is rock solid because we respect each other's right to be different.

i think you are not too proud of how you behaved last night - your post opened with a lot of justification and then skimmed over the actual row and home truths. Apart from what you've written below they must have something goign for them, why else would you spend time with them? I think you should contact them and say something like "sorry for being so hotheaded, a lot of things were said and I wish they could be unsaid". Even if they don't respond, you will know you tried to resolve it.

In addition, it is time to make some new friends. We change as we mature and instead of resenting your friends for not changing in the same way that you have, try to find some other people to give you what they can't.

lazygal

I'm only friends with one person I went to school with. I occasionally run into other old classmates and it takes about five seconds to remember why I hated school so much. I'm 31 now and can say I made all my really good reliable friends in college and through work. Don't hold onto 'friends' just for the sake of having someone to hang out with. The best thing you can do is learn to be able to be comfortable with your own company.