Should he stay or should he go?

VVVinoVeritas

Hi Guys,

Just looking for a little bit of advice if any of you would be so kind! I met my boyfriend while studying abroad 3 years ago, fell completely heads over heels in love with him. We did long distance for 6 months the first year we were together, I moved away to do an internship and he went traveling. But both returned to the same city after and relationship fell back into place perfectly.
I then finished my studies and was left with a predicament to remain abroad or return home, I stayed for 4 months, completing another internship, but bad pay and high expenses left me with the only option to return home where I knew a well paid job was waiting for me.

My bf lacks a little motivation, he falls a little into the stonerish sterotype, he was doing contract work in his country which finished up so he came to Dublin in January to join me. We got an apartment together and I got him a few job interviews. However, since getting here, he fluctuates from a happy camper, to extremly moody. We have had arguments before but never like this.

Last week he decided that he doesnt like dublin, declined the 3 interviews I had organised for him and is going to pack his bags and go to Oz travelling. He wants to do long distance until my contract ends here in October, and which time he wants me to join him. But Im just disappointed that Im finding it hard to even look at him now, We had always planned to go to Australia together in October, now Im looking down the barrel of an 8 month LDR, or nothing. I just wish he could see the long picture, pull his finger out and get a decent job for once in his life, just to wait for me to join him. Hes annoyed that Im not being more supportive and accuses me of doing the same thing as him when I left France for this job.
Now Im in a horrible state of confusion, feel lost and lonely and like Im losing my best friend, cos hes choosing to leave me. What do I do?

ShowMeTheCash

Well there is not right or wrong answer here, ultimately you need to make that decision on your own.
I guess the problem with any relationship is you can really only ever be responsible or in control of half of it.... You may want your other half to do better or try more, but you cannot make him/her...
I think the only thing you can do is focus on what you want or need in the relationship... Are you happy? Do you love him? What is more important to you?

All you can do is be frank and Ernest with him, tell him how you feel and maybe try and establish if he is committed to the relationship and is not using this 8 month break as an excuse to get some distance from the relationship.....

In relationships I be Frank and Ernest, when I am with my wife I am Frank and when I am with my girlfriend I am Ernest..

Hope it works out for you.

ManOfMystery

They see love conquers all but that's not always true. If you don't share certain ambitions, or at least have some kind of compatible views on what direction you're going together as a couple, things don't always work out. Putting aside the LDR thing, what struck me was the lack of motivation on your BF's half, the fact that YOU organised 3 interviews for him (he's an adult - can't he do it himself?) and his subsequent refusal to go to any of them. People this unmotivated often get worse not better, and drift through life with the stoner mindset and little or no direction. You don't sound like that kind of person and I just wonder how much of a future you would have together with that inherent incompatibility.

nowyouresix

Let him go.
You are , unwittingly starting to resent him already... You describe him as the stoner stereotype, and that you got him three interviews.... Who are you, his mother?? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you seem to be on different planes. Let him go...
Good luck

Abi

He sounds like too much of a free spirit to settle down at the moment, whereas you've done your studying and are looking at the big picture.

Problem is, you don't know how long it will take, if ever he comes around to the idea.

Im not sure I can see it happening any time soon. Me personally, I'd cut him loose.

VVVinoVeritas

Thank you all for your replies!!! Spent the last few days trying to get my head together, basically we have decided to remain civil to each other until our lease is over. He has decided to go to Australia as planned in May, he thinks we can make long distance work, I am just nodding and smiling at the moment. Its not what I want, and Im not sure, at the heart of it, that its what he wants either. Just have to get over my fear of being single and reorganise my life in a more me friendly direction!!
Thank you guys