Funny On Pitch Stories

Clareman

Coming off another thread I thought it'd be a good idea for a thread to bring up stories of things that have happened to you on the pitch that you can look back on now and find funny.

For me, 1 of the funniest to look back on now was during training 1 day 1 of the players was being a bit over-zealous in trying to rip the ball off a guy, cue the guy throwing the ball in your man's face full force for about 2 feet with "if it means that f**king much to you you can have it".

crockholm

Went back playing a bit prematurely, thinking that an older fatter less fit version could be the same kind of backrow as before, about 25 mins in, our props took pity on me and wouldn't let me disengage from the long dead scrum, both front rows were shagged and talking about the stew and pints awaiting them after the match, then casually break up and slowly trot,across the pitch. I miss seconds rugby.

Clareman

That reminds me of my mate (hooker) getting clocked by a stray punch in the scrum, only thing was it came from our own back row who was aiming for the opponent hooker, cue "if you f**king do that again I'll f**king kill you" being shouted in the scrum, 10 minutes later there was the unusual situation where the scrum broke up cause the hooker stood up to try to get at his own back row

Grimebox

3rd's game back in 6th year school on a Saturday morning, scrum had to be moved 5 meters because our second row (extremely hungover) puked just before the scrum engaged

Swiwi

Playing for my school against our arch-rivals - on their pitch, with their supporters. Proudly fielded an up-and-under despite the opposition charging on, and loudly called "mark!". The ref promptly blew the whistle, before a sideline supporter chirped up "he's on half-way, ref!". And indeed I was.

Cue ongoing jibes for the rest of the match...

TheGoldenAges

Playing wing for my school in 2nd year, did all the hard work and was running in a try, only problem was my laces were untied and I tripped over them. Though luckily I fell over the line

DDC1990

We landed down to Athlone for a Division 3 Colleges match, opened the jersey bag... full of beer.

We'd brought the Beer down for the trip back, but forgot the jerseys.

Had to play in a vast array of jerseys and we got stomped, but it was some session on the trip back :P

wp_rathead

u-14's game
guy on my team stands on players head in a ruck- ref immediately stops game
Ref: "Right your off- you can't stand on peoples heads"
My teammate: "I didn't stand on his head... I stood on his ear"


no players were seriously hurt in this story

Winters

Right before a J4 game a couple of seasons ago, the ref asks over the two front rows and scrum halfs for a chat about the scrum timing and put in.

Our 9 is, let's say, a little on the heavy side. The ref proceeds to talk about the timing and the put in, turns to our hooker tells him to put it in straight and turns to our scrummie and tells him to watch his bind.

"I'm the scrumhalf sir.."

Cue hilarious laughter..

Heroditas

Few years ago we were playing another team... one of our props had been getting up the opposition's noses all day and had landed a hand on one of their players.
Cue the usual scuffle and when they calmed down, the opposition player said to the ref "ah ref, he punched me"

Our player turned to walk away while saying "I didn't punch you, I B1TCH-SLAPPED you!"

Cue roars of laughter from both teams as the two lads got stuck into each other again while the ref rolled his eyes to heaven.

Cork Boy

Playing U14's many years ago at our home ground. Anyway, usual kerfuffle after a ruck by the sideline and one of the opposition makes a remark about our out half's ma (as you do) only for the outhalf to literally grab him by the ear, drag him 10 metres up the line and apologise to his ma... cue laughter from everyone!!!

john kinsella

I played a season in New Zealand a few years back when I was young and carefree.

They put me and a mate of mine up in a house, got us jobs and paid us with beer vouchers for the bar.

For a young Irish lad I was taken aback by the brutality of these monsters from the countryside in NZ. These were all farmers sons who had hands the size of shovels and literally bet the sh!te out of each other in training and matches.

Anyway, before our first league match of the season an old seasoned prop came up to me and said ‘when the first scrum breaks up just punch their hooker’ (I was playing Hooker obviously)

I didn’t dare question him and took it on board.

About 5 mins into the game yours truly fumbled the ball and we set for the scrum.

Sure enough as soon as we engaged the scrum broke up, myself and my two props punched our opposite men and a bit of a row ensued. The whole match was incredible niggley and I suffered unbelievable amount of abuse from their second row with punches at every breakdown.

At the final whistle both teams had a hug and a good laugh and went into the shed to get ready for the feed.

I went up to the prop and asked him how he knew the scrum was going to break up and why did we have to throw digs. He told me and this was confirmed by others that before running out onto the park he stuck his finger up his ar$e , at the first scrum he shoved his finger up his oppositions nose and said we punched them because they would have hit us either way.

Strange times but great group of lads.

The craic after that match with the other team in the bar was unreal. Everything was left on the pitch.

nomunnnofun

Was captain of a J3 team travelling 2 hours to play in Boyne one Sunday morning a few years back. Lots of lads badly hugover as usual. We managed to get to half time 10 points down (the ref was screwing us), and the water bottles ( Milk cartons ) were handed out. A few of the heavier more hugover lads made a beeline for them and proceeded to suck down the entire bottle only to cough, splutter and nearly choke on the side of the pitch. I hadn't realised my dad had used the bottles during the week to get petrol for the lawnmower and I hadn't rinsed out properly.:D Had a great laugh about it. Of course, I then did the gentlemanly thing and offered the ref a drink too. :D:)

razorblunt

Playing an early season game we were coasting, about 20/25 points up so the coach stuck on a new fella, big guy turned out to be a head-the-ball. Comes on for a line out on their 22', we take secure and set, matey joins the back and yells 'steeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee' he had being watching from the sideline and had thought the should also coincided with Steve the lock getting the ball. Both packs and referee burst out laughing.



To me: picking and going from a maul in a derby game, being tackled on the line and placing the ball over it,it was the 5mtr line. Still gets brought up. I still secured the ball afterwards mind you!!

Winters

Playing away to DLSP on one of their mud patches, their 10 breaking the line and running from halfway he dives over the 5 meter line thinking it was the try line. He got up to huge laughter from everyone before we all realised the ball was still live.

chippers

Winters wrote: »

Playing away to DLSP on one of their mud patches, their 10 breaking the line and running from halfway he dives over the 5 meter line thinking it was the try line. He got up to huge laughter from everyone before we all realised the ball was still live.

Ah scoring a try on the 5m line! I've seen this one a couple of times myself - still rib one of the fellas over it and it must be more than 10 years ago!

fanki na pengin

Thinking I was shouting 'pop left left left!!' in Japanese for the ball.......turns out I was shouting 'pop right right right!!'. Centre throws a perfect pop pass to his right....to nobody. Opposition end up scoring a try from it. Luckily we we already 30 points up, but they still never let me forget, and always ask me the Japanese for right and left before we play a game. :pac: (and rightly so!)

CoDy1

Playing U16's for Bohs and we went up to Skerries for a match, we were supposed to stay with our opposite no's but as soon as the bus dropped us off at the Skerries clubhouse we were ordering taxis into town.

Can barely remember the night but a few of us managed to get back to the clubhouse at about 4am. With no where to go and not being able to break in to the dressing rooms, 5 of us slept on top of the oil tank beside the clubhouse.

Our match was at 11 the next morning and we were awoken by the Skerries coach the next morning who had come to open the changing rooms. Few of us managed to grab some more kip in the changing room before the game.

Needless to say, we didn't do so well in the match, I dislocated my shoulder in the first 10 mins and had to be brought to the nearest A&E. The dislocation went underneath the back of the shoulder blade so I had to be knocked for them to get it back in.

Apparently, it took 2 attempts to put me under due to the amount of alcohol in my blood so it took me a long while to come around. Meanwhile, the rest oft he team were being brought to LR to see Ire v Sco in the 5N.

I ended up being discharged and had to spend the rest of the afternoon completely out of it sprawled out across the back seat of the team bus.

Last game of rugby I ever played.

100% true story unfortunately!

stunmer

Playing for the junior b's team at schools level, the opposition kicked the ball over our defensive back line and it lands bobbing close to the touch line.

As a scrum half I play the sweeper role and just as I arrive I see 2 massive opposition players bearing down on the ball.

The only choice I have is to boot the ball into touch mid-stride.

You know how difficult it can be to kick a bobbing ball when you're arriving near full pace often resulting in you slicing or missing the ball completely? Not in this case. I connected and connected well.

Walloped the ball straight into the opposition coach's nuts. He falls over in screams of agony.

Even the other team were laughing.

Kiwi_knock

In 2nd year in schools, we played Blackrock away. All their rugby pitches were being used so we ended up playing on a soccer pitch. There were no conversions, yet we ended up losing 135-0. We made less than 10 tackles in the whole match. It was a good laugh though.

Chabals Beard

I thought I would make a thread where people would come and share their stories about rugby. Whether you were on tour, watching or playing the game, or having one of those "team bonding sessions" down the local, as long as it is funny/interesting story, it counts!

I'll get the ball rolling.

I was about 15 years old, playing junior schools rugby (B standard ) at outside centre. Halfway into the second half, a big, hairy, overweight prop charged at myself and our flanker. The flanker wrapped him around the torso and I somehow managed to have the prop in a semi headlock. This lad was big for a 15 year and really started to pump the legs. He was driving the two of us back fairly rapidly, and for some reason still unknown to myself, I grabbed his curly locks and fell backwards, pulling the prop with me. I heard him roaring in pain and needless to say, I scrabbled away fairly quickly. The only person that saw the "tackle" was our scrum half, and he was literally crying laughing. It isn't great I know but it is a fond memory!

Swiwi

This was kind of the same thread Chabals Beard

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=82987084

Chabals Beard

Ah damn, well, mods can lock this now so

Chabals Beard

Swiwi

Chabals Beard wrote: »

Ah damn, well, mods can lock this now so

I'm definitely not a Mod! But I don't think people will keep retelling their amusing stories...

opinionatedfan

was playing under-19 a few seasons back and we couldn't field a full team as per usual, the under-17 team didn't have a match so a few of them said they would come along to make up the numbers.

most of us at this stage were still playing because we didn't have anything better to do on a saturday and we enjoyed the piss ups after the match.

Que five minutes into the match and a fight breaks out, nothing over the top just the usual crap that happened every game. Of course this would be common through out the match, later on in the game one of the younger lads gets clean knocked out off the ball with a punch. We took exception as the lad was barely 16.

Game ended 0-0 after 25 minutes as it descended into a 10 minutes brawl and the ref wouldnt let us get back to it after tempers had calmed down.

pickarooney

Swiwi wrote: »

I'm definitely not a Mod! But I don't think people will keep retelling their amusing stories...

Have you ever met a rugby player in a pub?

decisions

Swiwi wrote: »

I'm definitely not a Mod! But I don't think people will keep retelling their amusing stories...

My uncle, at 50 still tells the story of his one try he scored as a prop when he was 20.

Eponymous

decisions wrote: »

My uncle, at 50 still tells the story of his one try he scored as a prop when he was 20.

At least he can tell a story about scoring a try...

.ak

decisions wrote: »

My uncle, at 50 still tells the story of his one try he scored as a prop when he was 20.

A 60m dash no doubt, whilst fending off 5 or 6 defenders.

Eponymous

Every rugby player I know... Maybe not now, but they will be this man eventually!

RuggieBear

threads merged

decisions

.ak wrote: »

A 60m dash no doubt, whilst fending off 5 or 6 defenders.

50m intercept allegedly, the last 10m with 3 people on his back, and had the beating of their fullback for pace :pac:

Grimebox

I'm sure everyone is familiar with this one. Placing the ball at the 22 thinking its the try line, even funnier if its a celebratory dive

Clareman

In 1 of my last games I wasn't fit and really didn't want to play cause my back was in bits, but had to cause of injuries at the end of the season and not wanting to mess up with players registrations and stuff, I agreed to play back row once I didn't have any line out duties, I really hated line outs at the end cause the props were more interested in clocking their opponents than bringing you down, my mate (hooker, captain, pack leader) knew this and agreed to the terms.

Come the match, EVERY call was to be to get the ball and to be mauled around, the f**ker was bursting laughing (as was the rest of the team) after the 5th or 6th line out, the opposition (Carlow I think) even knew where the ball was going, 10 minutes to go and the call goes up "B7" only to be replied with "you can go f**k yourself", the game was held up for a couple of minutes while the ref and linesman got their breath back, they thought it was the funniest thing they ever saw to have the hooker make the call, have the front of the lineouts sniggering, the back of the lineout ready for war and this guy at the back shouting at the captain to f**k off.

JustinDee

Broke from a maul, head down, shoulder in, touched down . . . on 22, in front of a crowd too. I reckon there are one or two posters who have done this . . . isn't there? C'mon, you know you did it . . .

Flattened a streaker when playing league in Australia. Absolutely whalloped him side-on. Medics had to check him before he was carted out of the ground by boys in blue.
We went on to lose in style but at least had a story to tell.

locum-motion

JustinDee wrote: »

Broke from a maul, head down, shoulder in, touched down . . . on 22, in front of a crowd too. I reckon there are one or two posters who have done this . . . isn't there? C'mon, you know you did it ...

No, never did, thankfully.

Chabals Beard

Warming up for a game one Sunday morning while the u8s were finishing up training behind the posts. One of our less skilled props rows fancied the the odd drop goal before heading into the dressing rooms for the jerseys. Anyway he ended up completely miss hitting it, a low hard shot that connected with the face of one of the u8s. The funny thing was he kept blaming the "muddy ground" saying the ball never bounced up properly for him. Typical props, thinking there is outhalf inside waiting to burst out

Zzippy

Talking to a referee recently, he was telling a few stories. Think the most memorable was him giving a penalty for sexual harassment - in a women's game!
Story was, at a lineout, a prop from one side (a heavy enough girl) looked through the line at the opposition scrumhalf (a cute wee thing apparently), pointed to her and said "You're mine in the showers afterwards!"
Scrummie nearly burst out crying and the ref penalised the prop.

Can't imagine the reaction if that was said in a men's game... :pac:

sydthebeat

Zzippy wrote: »

Talking to a referee recently, he was telling a few stories. Think the most memorable was him giving a penalty for sexual harassment - in a women's game!
Story was, at a lineout, a prop from one side (a heavy enough girl) looked through the line at the opposition scrumhalf (a cute wee thing apparently), pointed to her and said "You're mine in the showers afterwards!"
Scrummie nearly burst out crying and the ref penalised the prop.

Can't imagine the reaction if that was said in a men's game... :pac:

LOL priceless

Losty Dublin

I was reffing a women's game last season and as a ruck on five ensued, the away team's captain shouted for her girls to watch out for the peroxide with the crap hair. Straight away, the home prop retorts "Which one, we are all peroxide with f**king crap hair"

Robbo

Losty Dublin wrote: »

I was reffing a women's game last season and as a ruck on five ensued, the away team's captain shouted for her girls to watch out for the peroxide with the crap hair. Straight away, the home prop retorts "Which one, we are all peroxide with f**king crap hair"

Reminds me of a tag game a couple of years ago where I was shouting at one of my team to cover the wing. They were in a promising position to run in a ladytry and there was a lass unmarked on the wing who was no stranger to the fake tan.

My battle cry of "Mark the orange one" got a lot of mileage at the post game pissup.

gerardk55

Was on the sideline of one of our 3rd's games this winter when one of the opposition LH was being substituted, he had been given a torrid time in the scrum from our TH. He was walking stiffly over towards his own bench when one of them shouted "What's wrong John, still stiff after the epidural?"

Got a good laugh out of both benches!