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Back together, taking it slow - but boundaries?

  • 28-01-2013 8:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So after breaking up 3 months ago after dating for 3 months, this girl and I met again recently, acknowledge we both really like each other and that we would see each other again, taking things slowly.

    We are both in our early 30's and she called it a day not knowing what she wanted.

    Second first date tomorrow night!

    I know i'll want to hold her hand, to maybe kiss her goodnight, but want to give her space, be patient and make this work. We both do.

    What do you think is the best way to go forward? I don't want to come across as to eager, but am confused because I do not want to be stand offish either


Comments

  • #2
    cantdecide
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    All you can do is be clear that you want to make it work and you respect her wish to take things slow. You should probably warn her that you have to look after yourself too and not let things get too far ahead on your side too but she shouldn't misinterpret this as you having cooled off.

    For you, try not to get too invested. It sounds like you're at real risk of further heartbreak. You are going to have to rely on your perceptiveness to make sure you're not flogging a dead horse. Give her space and don't push. It sounds like if it's going to work out, it's going to take a long time while she deals with whatever it is that's stopping her committing so you'll need the patience of a saint. You very well might end up frustrated at the fact that the pace is being, for want of a better word, dictated by her. This won't be easy for you so I hope you know this is someone who could really make you happy and that there is a genuine interest of both of your parts that wanting this to work out is what you want.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yeah try your best not to push too much for a while, but not just pull away too. It's a fine balance! For me it wasn't about commitment or fear or anything like that. It just takes me longer to get there and I was worried about leading him on too and didn't want to and at times just wasn't sure what I was feeling. I wouldn't like for him to have being thinking I was dictating the pace, but I suppose I was. I did begin to slowly share more and more and I finally caught up and so glad he was patient with me.

    Everyone has their own baggage, its always so hard to judge each situation. No matter what though, even if it is only moving slowly, you should still feel that it is moving forward. Everyone's patients has limits. HOpe it works out for you.


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