College and Social Anxiety

norwegianwood

Been looking through these threads and there's some great advice being given so I thought I'd ask for help with my situation.

I'm 20 years old and in my second year of college. I've had a lot of issues over the years with depression and anxiety probably stemming from the fact that I was bullied a bit in school and generally marginalised because I was so quiet. It made me think there had to be something genuinely wrong with me but I tried to tell myself it'd all get better in college but sadly it didn't.

My social anxiety if anything has become worse to the point where I'm too intimidated by my class to make conversation, let alone friends with them, in spite of the fact that they're mostly very nice people. Just dont feel like I fit in. I had two good friends in the class, one dropped out and the other one is never there really so that's not much help to me. Just the thought of going to college makes me paralyzed with fear, so most of the time I just don't go in, make excuses to myself and stuff. Today I decided to make myself go and I cried for about an hour after it was so stressful. I truly feel like I've hit rock bottom and I have to go to a lab later, the thought of trying to find a partner is stressing me out so much. I just see how easy it is for everyone else, that they can do something as simple as this without getting worried and upset and I feel so angry and disgusted with myself. Which probably makes me come off as even more depressed and unapproachable.

It's started to affect my college work too, I failed two exams over Christmas not because I wasn't able but because I'm too miserable to even want to work. Probably worth mentioning that I hate the course as well, I wanted to do Law but was told not to because of how bad the jobs prospects were. The course I'm doing is fairly science oriented and I have no real talent or interest in it. Honestly I was working in Dunnes after Christmas and was a million times happier there than I was in college. Just don't know where to turn anymore. Been in and out of counselling over the years and on antidepressants once or twice but they didn't do much to help me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm really struggling.

Flimbos

Hey OP. Social Anxiety is a tough one. So many people have it, and yet so many people don't seem to understand it. But you should realise that it is ok, and there's nothing 'wrong' with you.

Try to get in to college a bit early. You say the class are generally a friendly crowd. All it takes to get going is a bit of smalltalk. And I know it's easier said than done, but just try... the weather, something on TV, your current assignment etc...

Maybe initially avoid any cliquey groups, look for the people on the fringes. I find asking questions is a great way to get conversation going. Try to figure out if you've anything in common with some of them (your username suggests and interest in music? That'd be a start!). Then when you're chatting, maybe enquire if the person you're talking to has a lab partner.

You'll find a regular bit of small talk with even one or two classmates a huge relief. Won't be easy at first of course, but it's worth it if it makes you more comfortable in college.

And if you have ongoing issues with depression, make sure to stay in touch with your GP.

Best of luck OP.

ongarboy

I also agree with arriving early to lectures/tutorials etc. This is often a key time to strike up conversation with others who have turned up early and are by themselves. Are there organised social events that the class/course is involved with that you could go to? Do they still have class reps these days? Try and get talking with them - any decent rep will make it their mission to be accommodating to all members of the class and maybe suggest a social outing to the rep as a good idea for a social event if events have not already taken place.

Finally, colleges usually have a wealth of clubs and societies where you make new friends who aren't necessarily from the same class or faculty as you. Is there one club from all of them that you could join? There will be no expectation of you to come with friends and all newcomers should be made feel welcome. It is 10+ years since I graduated and the friends I still keep in touch with today from college are not the ones I went to class with but the friends I made from the clubs I was in.

Just to add, colleges offer free and confidential counselling services. I would suggest you pay a visit if you feel like your social anxiety is taking over your life on campus. The counsellor should be able to help you address this issue.

skyfall2012

Hi OP, You sound articulate in your post and well able to get your point across. So communication is not your problem, if you could use some of the conversation tips from the above poster and put them into action, next time you are in college, keep in mind it may take a little time for people to come round, so don't give up after your first attempt. There is an old book called 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' and the author proposes, that is how you overcome your anxiety.

You may feel nervous approaching your classmates to have a conversation, but you are armed with the knowledge that you are as entitled as anyone else to be part of the class and that you are interesting and perfectly able to communicate, if you just give yourself the opportunity. Nobody else has a magic formula, they are using the same techniques as given by the above poster. It will take a few goes before the fear eventually leaves you, but when it does you will look back and wonder what you were so afraid of. Good luck OP.