a situation

janblues

Hi

ok i'll keep it short...

Starting see this girl around the end of september. getting on great really like her actually I love her.

but of us have pasts. anyway we will about an hour and half away from each other. She called down thursday as she was off work on friday. I had to go to work.

She then text me about 12 she was leaving.. Got to the bottom of it she started to use my laptop and came across a dating site. Now I know its not mine but she doesnt believe me. I know 2 friends of mine are on it and one of them was using my laptop at the time she said I was suppose to be on it. I know 100% its not my account. I have tried to explain all this but she wont listen.

Im devastated to say the least.. I really dont know what to do..

Esoteric_

Does she know that other people use your laptop?

Honestly, I'd be a bit shocked if I was in a relationship with someone and found a dating site on their laptop.

That said, how did she find it? Did she look through your history? If she did, she seems to already not trust you, and the site she found would be (in her mind) validation that she was right to not trust you.

All you can do is tell her the truth, OP. You've already done that, so I'd leave it now and let her be the one to contact you.

You say that you both 'have pasts.' Is there anything in her past that causes her to feel a lack of trust?

Ultimately, I'm not sure what else you can do. You told her the truth, she's chosen not to trust you. Without trust, the relationship is doomed regardless of what she found.

janblues

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Does she know that other people use your laptop?

Honestly, I'd be a bit shocked if I was in a relationship with someone and found a dating site on their laptop.

That said, how did she find it? Did she look through your history? If she did, she seems to already not trust you, and the site she found would be (in her mind) validation that she was right to not trust you.

All you can do is tell her the truth, OP. You've already done that, so I'd leave it now and let her be the one to contact you.

You say that you both 'have pasts.' Is there anything in her past that causes her to feel a lack of trust?

Ultimately, I'm not sure what else you can do. You told her the truth, she's chosen not to trust you. Without trust, the relationship is doomed regardless of what she found.

Thanks Esoteric..
Yes she knows other people use it... I left my laptop open cause I have nothing to hide... She can go threw it all day long if she wants... I dont see a way past it either as you say

ya she has had trust issues in the past..... I havent given her any reason not to trust me...

Esoteric_

janblues wrote: »

Thanks Esoteric..
Yes she knows other people use it... I left my laptop open cause I have nothing to hide... She can go threw it all day long if she wants... I dont see a way past it either as you say

ya she has had trust issues in the past..... I havent given her any reason not to trust me...

Then I really don't know what to suggest. I understand having trust issues, plenty of us (myself included) have been hurt to an extent where trust was an issue in other relationships, but I'd never have gone through someone's laptop. :eek:

You seem really accommodating about it, with the way you say you don't care if she goes through your laptop.

At the end of the day, if she has trust issues, and won't believe you, there's very little else you can do. :-/ I'm sorry.

janblues

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Then I really don't know what to suggest. I understand having trust issues, plenty of us (myself included) have been hurt to an extent where trust was an issue in other relationships, but I'd never have gone through someone's laptop. :eek:

You seem really accommodating about it, with the way you say you don't care if she goes through your laptop.

At the end of the day, if she has trust issues, and won't believe you, there's very little else you can do. :-/ I'm sorry.

Ya Ive nothing to hide on it thats why she can have it.. all I can do is leave her be and see if that works... thanks again

janblues

well I gave her my facebook password to show I wasnt hiding anything and she hacked into my email....

I think I dodge a bullet in hindsight...

RossFixxxed

Woooah, you sure did! Hacked your email? That's just nuts. I've nothing to hide but I value my privacy deeply. Someone hacking into my personal email/ opening my post etc is an absolute NO NO. Asking to browse through it is fine, but that is not on. I really think you probably were lucky she saw the dating site and you can move on TBH.

janblues

ya i saw 2 emails that she read... One was Spam which I think she probably thought was something else and the other was personal...

I fuming but relived in another sense...

tinkerbell

OP, sounds like you dodged a bullet tbh. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Oh and change all your passwords.

janblues

yip.. changed all passwords.... just relieved now.....

Esoteric_

I saw that coming if you gave her your password, tbh. :-/

As much as it angers you, see it as a very, VERY clear sign that she doesn't trust you and that you deserve to be with someone who does trust you and believes what you say. Sorry to hear what happened, OP.

CaraMay

Op I'd have no issue giving my oh my password if needed but not so he would trust me. If you need to go to those lengths in a relationship then something is seriously wrong. Hopefully a bullet dodged but a lesson learned as well?