Girlfriend Issues

LegacyUser

This might be a little long apologies.

Me and the girlfriend have been going out for just over 3 years now. We're both in college, have jobs etc.
She usually stays with me most nights after work and college and then we head off again in the morning together. But, lately it's as if she doesn't want to spend time with me.

I'm aware we may have fallen into a rut as I suffer from extreme fatigue and after being in college all day then working 5 or 6 hours I just need my sleep. But she has taken it the whole wrong way.

I eventually confronted the problem, she went out every night this week with her college friends, ended up staying in some of their houses (which I wasn't too pleased with- all males)
She says I'm not attracted to her anymore and that I don't appreciate her which is completely untrue. She's a very beautiful girl and I love her very dearly.
She doesn't want me to meet some of her new friends because she knows I won't say anything to them apparently.
I'm a very shy person so I find it hard with new people at first .
She says if I truely love her I should be able to overcome my shyness.
I dont think its that easy. She's now contemplating breaking up with me as she doesn't believe I even like her.

I really can't live without her . When things are good they're really good and I'm the happiest person in the world. We have ideas for the future talked about it all and now this.

I've asked her to come for dinner or just come over in general or to meet me somewhere during the week and she agrees. But then at the last minute she'll back out of it saying she's meeting with friends. She's just drinking/getting stoned every day now because she's sad about this .

I'm trying to be strong but I woke up today and just burst in to tears and I can't make myself get up for college.

What should I do? I've asked other friends and some say I should end it which I can't bring myself to do.
I don't know if shes crazy or I'm crazy. I just wished she believed me.
She wants to be more exciting and I get that but sometimes we just don't have the time but its not as if we never go out either so I don't see her problem. It's usually me who has to suggest going to a restaurant or pub anyway.

I'm really loosing my mind. Please help.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear this, OP. This sounds like a carbon copy of my first relationship, right down to the smallest detail..
Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel - that's all you can do at this stage, the rest is up to her. To be honest it sounds to me like she just doesn't want to be in the relationship any more and is making excuses.
What she said about your shyness was quite disrespectful, that if you truly loved her you'd overcome it? Jeez.. Again I would say she's making excuses because she wants out. There should be no reason to not introduce you to her friends, that alone would ring alarm bells for me.
I know you said you "can't live without her", but be aware that there is a good chance this will come to an end, and that you definitely can live without her! You'll meet somebody who treats you with the respect you deserve, regardless of how shy you are. I felt the same way about the girl in my relationship I mentioned earlier, and I ended up much happier in the end. Good luck!

Lorna123

Gosh this is a terrible mess OP. I get the impression that this girl wants to live it up and have a good time and she is trying to blame you for how she feels, which is not on. You sound like a good b/f but she wants to branch out and have fun at her age. You are doing nothing wrong so don't let her convince you that it is you. It is not you, it is "her".

If I were you I would let her go and have her fun and see how far she gets without you. You cannot keep her against her wishes, she has to want to be with you and it is not looking like she appreciates what she has in you at this time. So let her go, she is not much use to you the way she is anyway, but if she gets this out of her system she could come back to you given time. Trying to hold onto her now will just push her away further. Do not beg her to stay, just let her go with dignity as this is the best way to handle this. Then you will see how she really feels about you.

Sounds like she doesn't want to be with you but won't have the cop on to actually end it, so she's trying to blame you and make you miserable (consciously or otherwise) until you end it. It's not you, it's her.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the great replies.

I'm trying to talk to her but she won't reply or when she does its one word answers.

I'm starting to think you're all right, I'm going to give her the space and not be so...clingy I suppose the word is.
It's just going to be hard, especially after so long, all the decisions I've made about my future have involved her.
I'd have emigrated by now if it wasn't for her.

I get that she's young and wants to go have fun and I'm more of a settled person but maybe I have to just leave her to it.

Don't know how I'm going to get through it, but I feel a little better now.

Flimbos

OP, sounds like your girlfriend may want out of the relationship, but doesn't have the courage to end it, and now she's acting up, avoiding you, and generally trying to make you feel bad about things. You shouldn't feel bad, it looks like you've been patient and have tried to fix things.

johnnyboiii wrote: »

She says if I truely love her I should be able to overcome my shyness.

She comes across very immature and inconsiderate here. If anything, the opposite applies - if she really loves you, she should accept you as you are.

johnnyboiii wrote: »

I really can't live without her

Don't think like this, if the relationship does end, it'll be hard, but you'll be fine in the long run.

I'd say give her space, don't ask her to come around for a while. In the meantime have a good long think about what you want. If she doesn't contact you first, get in touch and talk things through. If things don't work out, make a clean break, maybe avoid the friend zone... and don't let it affect your college work.

Best of luck.