Assaulted while asleep??

Iliveinashoe

So I was out on Friday night and a gang of us went back to my friends house (where I was staying) after the pub had closed. We had a few drinks in the house and it was really a great laugh!

However....The next thing I knew I woke up and two of the guys were standing there chatting . I then realized that my bra was open and that something didn't feel right "down there". I was drunk-ish, worked a 14 hour shift that day and a, a heavy sleeper at the best of times so I assume that is why I didn't wake up. I asked them to leave which they did with bad grace "our taxi isn't here yet" etc etc.

The next morning my friend told me that she threw a blanket over me when she was off to bed and left the guys to wait for their taxi.

I am so upset that this could have happened and I am blaming myself for letting myself get into this situation. And whats worse is that I know these people from work and will see them around. Luckily we work in a large hospital so I don't have too much interaction with them, but still.

daisybelle2008

OP, are you saying you think these guys sexually assaulted you? That is a very big deduction. Were you in a bedroom or sitting room? If your friend was aware they were waiting for a taxi and when you woke up they were standing dressed and chatting and still waiting for their taxi, not much time had elapsed for all this to have happened.
I wouldn't go jumping to such negative assumptions. It would appear they were standing chatting and waiting for their taxi when your friend went to bed and when you woke up. I wouldn't be assuming they turned into sexual predators in the intervening time. You weren't sleeping that heavy if their chatter woke you, surely an assault a few minutes earlier would have roused you. You say they took it with 'bad grace' being asked to leave. Well why wouldn't they if they had done nothing wrong, why would they expect to be put out into the cold for no good reason except you got mad, it wasn't your house.

Iliveinashoe

I find your reply fairly offensive.

I am not "jumping" to any conclusions. My bra had been opened (obviously I do not go out with it open) and I was sore down below. So I do not think It is unreasonable to assume that someone had done something to me.

I was asleep on the living room couch at the time (where I was supposed to be sleeping). I am unaware how much time had elapsed between my friend going to bed and me waking up. It could have been 5 minutes, It could have been an hour. I don't really see the relevance.

I am not planning on doing anything about this or telling anyone. I just wanted to post here so I could get it out somewhere.

Lisha

Hi iliveinashoe

I feel sorry for you and I agree the last 2replies were harsh

If you want talk to your friend and see if she knows any more. I don't know if speaking to the 2men involved is appropriate

Really I think you need to speak to one of how rape/sexual assault organisations and seek their advice

If some one did do something to you then of course it was rape/assault.
You are entitled to press charges if you wish

Best if luck op and really do seek advice from someone qualified
I wish you peace

Iliveinashoe

Exceptionally heavy. I had also worked a 14 hour shift that day.

I did not open my own bra, nor did I touch myself in such a way that I would be in pain.

I am really surprised by the reaction you all are having to this event.

I didn't post on here to defend myself or try and convince you that this actually happened, I just wanted to say it somewhere as I wont be telling anyone about this.

username123

Hi OP,
This is a very serious allegation to make about 2 individuals, however if you feel something wasnt right, or something had happened then I implore you to speak to whoever else was in the house (who you trust) to find out as much detail as you can regarding how long you were left alone, who may have had access to the room you were in, whether or not anyone heard anything unusual etc....

The bra being open - Id very rarely sleep in a bra so one coming open during sleep wouldnt seem too unusual to me.

What can you remember about going to sleep? Do you know these men, are they normally of good character? Would you have any reason to suspect that they could be capable of such a thing.

clairefontaine

You have no way of knowing what happened with any certainty because you did not have a medical exam and you were asleep and drunk.

But it is possible.

You could call the rape crisis centre for more feedback. They might have a better means of helping you make sense of this.

judgefudge

Hey OP

That sounds pretty scary. Sorry that happened to you. I can't even imagine waking up in those kind of circumstances. Horrible.

The problem I would see is that you don't have any real proof or knowledge of who (if anyone) did what to you. Therefore I would refrain from pointing fingers just yet.

We're your clothes still on? Sorry I know you said your bra was open but was it just the clasp at the back. Did your clothes feel like they had been removed and replaced or anything?

I would second talking to someone from a rape crisis centre about it. Even just to get your thoughts out.

clairefontaine

sunflower27 wrote: »

I had no intention of being harsh. I am simply questioning the likelihood that a woman, not plastered drunk, was assaulted vigorously enough to be sore below and did not wake up.

Also that the lads that 'did it' were slow to leave the scene of the alleged crime.

Shock and freeze state can do a lot to memory and conciousness. OP could have woken up and now has forgotten. Not saying this is what happenned, just saying it's a possibility.

That's why OP, please talk to professionals.

Iliveinashoe

I am absolutely horrified by the attitudes displayed by some people here.

I KNOW that I was for,want of a better word, "interfered" with. I do not need any reassurance on that point. I also do not feel I should have to justify myself.

I would never in a million years dream of saying anything to anyone about this. Obviously I have invented this story and have spent the whole weekend crying just for the hell of it.

The SAVI research found that only 1 % of men and 8 % of women report rape or sexual assault to the Gardai . I think the reactions/opinions some of you have go a long way to explaining that. I am not saying that I was raped or anything near that, but the automatic assumption that none of what I said is true really saddens and frightens me.

keelanj69

Well if you are so sure about it why not report it? You are perfectly within your rights to do so and at the very least stop it from happening again to someone else.

daisybelle2008

Iliveinashoe wrote: »

I find your reply fairly offensive.

I am not "jumping" to any conclusions. My bra had been opened (obviously I do not go out with it open) and I was sore down below. So I do not think It is unreasonable to assume that someone had done something to me.

I was asleep on the living room couch at the time (where I was supposed to be sleeping). I am unaware how much time had elapsed between my friend going to bed and me waking up. It could have been 5 minutes, It could have been an hour. I don't really see the relevance.

I am not planning on doing anything about this or telling anyone. I just wanted to post here so I could get it out somewhere.

I have no idea why you are taking offense. There is no need. Trying to help you piece together the events in an objective way is surely an improvement on what you are assuming may have happened

Objective and disspasionate replies are going to be helpful to you if you are willing to evaluate fairly what may have happened, and if as you say you are 'not jumping to conclusions' Personally I have no intention of jumping to a conclusion that these two guys sexually assaulted you, when you don't even know that for sure. If that offends you, unfortunately there is not a lot I can do about that.

You need more evidence before you can assume the worst, so talk to your friend and rape crises as others have recommended.

YumCha

Jesus - the victim blaming going on from some posters here is ridiculous...

OP - please please listen to the people who are telling you to contact the Rape Crisis Centre - they are trained to give you the kind of impartial, non-judgmental advice and support that you need right now as a victim - unfortunately a bunch of posters on an internet message board are not.

Please talk to someone - and look after yourself first.

ted1

Op are you on the pill? If not get to a pharmacy for the morning after pill ASAP

You should contact the raps crisis centre for a chat. They'll be able to help you and understand what happened

daisybelle2008

YumCha wrote: »

Jesus - the victim blaming going on from some posters here is ridiculous...

OP - please please listen to the people who are telling you to contact the Rape Crisis Centre - they are trained to give you the kind of impartial, non-judgmental advice and support that you need right now as a victim - unfortunately a bunch of posters on an internet message board are not.

Please talk to someone - and look after yourself first.

Excuse me, I have not seen one ounce of 'victim blaming'. Victim blaming is assuming an assault took place and that it was the OP's fault it actually happened. So please do no imply anyone is 'victim blaming'. That is a nasty accusation to me and Sunflower. I can only speak for myself but I would be a very aware of sexual assault first hand so don't imply I am victim blaming.
The OP's opening post is' Sexual assault while asleep??' Note the question marks. My understanding was she was not sure if an assault took place. If she is certain it did and the guys are to blame, then I missed the point of this post. I won't post anymore because innocent till proven guilty is obviously out the window and objective advice is not welcome.

Iliveinashoe

There is no "piecing" of events. I was asleep, I was felt up , end of. I KNOW this happened. There is no doubt in my mind.

I am offended by responses as it was automatically assumed that I made this up. These responses are dangerous and irresponsible.

I didnt come here for advice on reporting etc. As I am not telling anyone (@ keelanj69- why would I seeing the reactions on here??!) I just wanted to get it out of my system. A massive mistake it would appear.

But at least now I know that I made this up/am a fantasist/should be berating myself for thinking such things about some lovely lad. I will just try and forgive myself for being such a head case and go get a coffee.

Lisha

Iliveinashoe please don't bottle this up
Please go and talk to a qualified counsellor
Also as others mentioned emergency contraception may also be needed
Maybe your gp might help you

Please don't blame yourself

allym

OP, I second the advice to contact the rape crisis centre. Even if it's just to help get your thoughts straight on what happened and decide what, if anything, you're going to do about it.

And I know it's a little beside the point but on the bra being open thing, I always sleep with mine on and have never had one open on me and I tend to move around a lot in my sleep. So personally that strikes me as odd that it would just come open, but that's just my experience.

Isolt

OP, ignore the nasty attitudes. What is important here is helping you make sense of what may or may not have happened. While I second calling the RCC, I also think you will benefit greatly from attending a Well Woman Clinic or Women's health clinic. Sometimes speaking face to face with somebody helps it to come back more clearly. A friend of mine was attacked recently at gun point and they completely blanked for a night or so after it. It was only when he started speaking to me in person the next day that he said it started to come back clearer.

Ring the RCC right now. They will help you. 1800 77 88 88

Best of luck. I am really hoping for you that nothing sinister happened to you but at the same time I think it's very, very important that you don't push it to the back of your mind based on the above responses without at least speaking to a professional first.

clairefontaine

Iliveinashoe wrote: »

There is no "piecing" of events. I was asleep, I was felt up , end of. I KNOW this happened. There is no doubt in my mind.

I am offended by responses as it was automatically assumed that I made this up. These responses are dangerous and irresponsible.

I didnt come here for advice on reporting etc. As I am not telling anyone (@ keelanj69- why would I seeing the reactions on here??!) I just wanted to get it out of my system. A massive mistake it would appear.

But at least now I know that I made this up/am a fantasist/should be berating myself for thinking such things about some lovely lad. I will just try and forgive myself for being such a head case and go get a coffee.

I understand your frustration at being met with denial and being told you are fantasist, which is why it would be more beneficial to you to contact a rape counsellor. It's not an unusual response when you tell people something like this, which can be surprising because there is so much awareness on the subject. Nonetheless, things are not cut and dry and right now you need people who will not tell you you are making things up. Be careful whom you do talk to because being met with more denial will encourage you to bottle it up even more, all the more reason to find a support group or a rape counsellor.

ennis81

You poor thing, sounds to me like something happened alright, I've never woken with my bra after undoing itself anyway, I don't think you need to be made feel any worse than you already do, the fact is that if you were assaulted it would be extremely hard to prove and would cause you alot of grief, like others have said you should contact rape crisis centre immediately please, you need support.
I would also like to say I have personally heard of two other stories just like this, both occured at house parties and the girls assaulted were assaulted by men they knew, so it is not unusual for perpertors of such assaults to hang around casually as they know the victim if she wakes is unlikely to jump up and scream rape, being groggy from drink and sleep.
All the best, take care

wurzlitzer

Iliveinashoe wrote: »

I am absolutely horrified by the attitudes displayed by some people here.

I KNOW that I was for,want of a better word, "interfered" with. I do not need any reassurance on that point. I also do not feel I should have to justify myself.

I would never in a million years dream of saying anything to anyone about this. Obviously I have invented this story and have spent the whole weekend crying just for the hell of it.

The SAVI research found that only 1 % of men and 8 % of women report rape or sexual assault to the Gardai . I think the reactions/opinions some of you have go a long way to explaining that. I am not saying that I was raped or anything near that, but the automatic assumption that none of what I said is true really saddens and frightens me.

Hi OP
try & not pay any heed to any of the posters who think you may be jumping to conclusions. You know how you feel.

Call the RCC & get counselling immediately.

Ten years ago something similar happened to me, I was staying in a rented accommodation with ten other people, I was in a foreign country. we all had our own rooms with ensuite bathroom but shared common areas.

I was working long hours, one Friday after a long week of work I went out with friends, had four or five drinks. came home & made some noodles, when I was in the common kitchen. There was a guy who had been asking me on dates lurking around the kitchen not eating, chatting to me, I took my noodles & ate them in my bedroom. I got dressed for bed & I went to sleep. In the middle of the night I woke up to find him on top of me trying to insert his you know what inside me! I freaked he even had put a condom on. I went insane, & just stayed in my room trying to figure out what happened, i was in shock. Next day he was gone. I told the landlord what had happened he had displeased completely he had been living there for 4 years. I had to move out immediately to a friends, until I got new accommodation. the horror of waking up with someone trying something on without my consent, he had come into my room while I slept, stripped me from the waist down, even wore a condom. It horrified me, I woke up luckily in middle of what happened, just when he was beginning to sexually assault me. I am a deep sleeper when I am exhausted. So it can happen.

So OP even if you have doubts seek counselling this was my biggest regret. I tried to push it to the back of mind, & i feel it has given me trust issues with men. You may not have been raped but sexual assault is also a traumatic experience, & seek counselling immediately.

This week I got in contact with a counselling service, ten years on.
If I were you I would get in touch with one immediately.

Irrespective of the details or the how's & the why's, so if you feel like you have been sexual assaulted you need to talk to someone for your own mental health.

I know what you are going through
take care

Esoteric_

I'm not going to ponder about what may or may not have happened, but the facts are that your bra was opened by SOMEONE (either you or the guys), you are sore down below and you believe you were violated. As I wasn't there, I have no idea what happened, but if you feel you were violated, I accept and believe that you were.

It's more than likely too late for a medical examination to show up any evidence, but have you considered getting an examination done just to clarify for certain in your mind that an assault did indeed happen?

I'd also seriously recommend getting STI testing done and, if it's not too late, getting the morning-after pill (can be taken up to 72 hours after).

Lastly, please speak to somebody who is trained in these kind of situations, like the Rape Crisis Center, if only to clear your head, understand what happened to you and come to terms with it. Also remember, no matter how drunk you were, it was NOT your fault. You should be able to run around naked and drunk and fully expect not to be assaulted. Of course, that doesn't happen in real life, but the people who hurt you are to blame, not you.

Good luck, OP.

Ickle Magoo

Luca Brasi permabanned for ignoring all previous warnings regarding appropriate posting in this forum.

Folks,

This forum is strictly moderated - as per the forum charter; mature, civil and constructive advice only. If you have an issue with a post or poster, please report it rather than comment on thread or drag the thread off-topic with accusations of victim-blaming for posters responding to the question marks in the OP's own thread title.

OP,

You've had lots of good advice, if you feel you were assaulted then your first port of call is getting specialised and compassionate advice such as from your local Rape Crises Centre.

I would also recommend you contact your GP and discuss options in terms of morning-after pills and STD's.

All the very best.