do i tell or do i keep quiet?

LegacyUser

Basically my wifes friend started sleeping with our neighbour months ago, he is married with a young child,

my wife disapproved of this and now is being bullied and victimised by these former friends,

the most recent example is tonight after blocking them off facebook and ignoring their calls and texts (she wanted nothing to do with them for her own conscience), he text their mutual friend asking "was *my wifes name* out with them", asking if "she was drinking" and if 'her boobies were out' and then text him again warning him not to show her the texts, what he didn't know was my wife had her friends phone taking photos at the time.

she sent him a text off her own phone asking him to leave her alone, stop texting her and her friends as it was none of his business what she is doing, or wearing or if she is drinking, he responded with he blocked her, and saying the friend was his friend too and he's entitled to text him what he wants.

its gotten to the stage where shes afraid to go out with her friends in case he is there or is following her every move, he knows where we live due to dating our neighbour (and my wifes former friend) so she is afraid to be home alone,

(her friend let slip he beat his wife but quickly denied and retracted it saying she was making an example, but it still scared my wife as it may or may not be true)

i feel like my only option to make this tirade end is to alert his wife, as ignoring him seems to draw him on my wife more.

is it a bad idea? i always wanted to tell her, but my wife asked me not to due to her friend/neighbour possibly getting hurt, now she has lost her friend and he is manipulating the situation to target my wife she has nothing left to lose,

i always felt the wife had a right to know, especially now their relationship has developed into boyfriend/girlfriend, he's introduced the girlfriend to all his friends in a different country, and he is taking her to his home town for her birthday, i think personally its very arrogant and cheeky but this on top of what he is doing to my wife makes me angry.

what do i do?

The Corinthian

Why do you need to get involved? His allegedly physically abusive relationship with his wife is a bit of an afterthought in your narrative; most of your objection seems to be based upon the moral outrage that you and your wife feel about this.

If you're not comfortable with such people, then break contact and move on. I really don't understand what satisfaction you'll achieve from doing a Maude Flanders on this.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yikes

It all sounds very juvenile, doesn't it?

He is entitled to be a creep and text his friend what he likes.

He is obviously trying to bully your wife as he knows she has the upper hand here.

If he is showing his new girlfriend off, then word will get back to his wife soon enough. For that reason I would stay out of it. He sounds like an egotistical idiot and that will be his undoing.;)

Tell your wife she has to be strong here and forget he even exists. He would enjoy knowing she is feeling threatened and hiding out at home.

If it was me,I'dforget about the idiot and continue my life as normal. Take precautions if she is scared, but so far it doesn't sound like she needs to be.

It is very juvenile it is why she decided weeks ago to have nothing to do with this but he is not allowing that to happen,

Also it was not an after thought I was just trying to get my feelings on the matter across while explaining why my wife feels so scared of him,I agree it's all so ridiculous but my wife is genuinely afraid and I want to help her and to be honest I don't know what to do here since we tried the ignore option which resulted in the above.

skyfall2012

If he is harassing your wife, which it sounds like to me. I would go to the Gardaí and tell them about the situation and ask them how to proceed. They will have dealt with this sort of thing plenty of times and would be able to give you some good advise.

One of the things they will tell you to do is document any contact he makes with you and your wife, times, dates, content of text or conversation. Even write down what he wrote to her friend about her.

You could also threaten him with going to the Guards if he doesn't stop, this might be all you need to do. In the meantime document everything.

skyfall2012

the most recent example is tonight after blocking them off facebook and ignoring their calls and texts (she wanted nothing to do with them for her own conscience), he text their mutual friend asking "was *my wifes name* out with them", asking if "she was drinking" and if 'her boobies were out' and then text him again warning him not to show her the texts, what he didn't know was my wife had her friends phone taking photos at the time.

Hi Sunflower, Your advise is good advise and the poster would do well to take it. When I post it is just another option/angle for the OP to consider. I assume the OPs takes everybody's advise into account and then make up their own mind as the appropriate action for their situation.

It is always difficult to tell from these short posts what is really going on in the OPs lives, so we all do our best to analyse what has been posted and put forward some advise based on our own experiences.

ennis81

Honestly don't say anything, leave them all to it, tell your wife to continue ignoring them and get on with your own lives, people like this will always hang themselves in the end, take care