Not attending work partys

David1999

Hi there, i'm looking for peoples opinions on this, thanks in advance.

I'm a 38 year old single guy who works for a well run company. I've been there for 11 years and i would be considered as an important part of the set-up, i've worked my way up and have my own section.

For the first few years, there was a genuine feel-good factor in the place, good banter amongst colleagues etc. I attended some great dos over the years, with the Christmas parties being genuinely memorable, great nights etc.

Over recent years some of the old guard have either left due to personal reasons, some made redundant etc. They've been replaced by a dozen other people, and then the company started taking on some temp/ Polish staff for the warehouse area were i work.

Things started to go downhill, when the Polish staff started messing about, being unprofessional, to which the management turned a blind eye to.

The office staff who departed were replaced by some people who are basically selfish by nature, motivated by money, who should be dealing with the warehouse- which their predcessors did, but basically ignore it and leave it to other people to do it. Other staff are ordering people about and the atmosphere has gone downhill rapidly. The hi-jinks in the warehouse is on the brink of becoming un-manageable.

The original genuine staff are doing a good job, while others doss.

There would be a few partys throughout the year, and their is an incredible emphasis on the fact that you must attend.

A number of the genuine staff including me have decided not to go to anything, as the last event was a disaster. We refuse to go around pretending that everything is hunky-dory, talking bull****, and having to see management 'party' with others through gritted teeth.

There are a dozen of us who have decided not to attend anything.

As far as we're aware you're under no obligation to attend anything, and a company forcing you to go is just plain wrong. Thoughts??

tony81

Make an appearance, chat with the managers, then make your excuses and leave.

You might not like it but culture in companies changes over time. I worked somewhere that the "old guard" were actually the problem and caused a lot of inefficiencies but seemed to be oblivious. it's just company politics.

David1999

tony81 wrote: »

Make an appearance, chat with the managers, then make your excuses and leave.

You might not like it but culture in companies changes over time. I worked somewhere that the "old guard" were actually the problem and caused a lot of inefficiencies but seemed to be oblivious. it's just company politics.

With respect, i think you're missing the point slightly.

There's a difference between 'culture in companies' changing over time, and managers giving a damn and actually correcting the problems which have been allowed to fester in the first place.

Why should the original staff be obligated to turn up to anything, when the managers have no interest in what you're talking about, and project a false persona to you?

Just to give you an example, when i started there was a chance to move up in the company. A new guy started in the offices about three years ago and has got promoted twice because the main manager thinks the sun shines out of his backside. That's effectively gone now for others which is grossly unfair.

We can't pretend everything is hunky-dory when all mangers think about is their 131 cars and themselves.!

Be interested to hear what others think.

Milk & Honey

The best thing to do is go to the party and storm out in a huff when insulted. Have your supporters walk out with you. If you do not go, you are in the wrong. Going to the party and walking out when insulted make its obvious who is at fault.

ElleEm

Milk & Honey wrote: »

The best thing to do is go to the party and storm out in a huff when insulted. Have your supporters walk out with you. If you do not go, you are in the wrong. Going to the party and walking out when insulted make its obvious who is at fault.

Did you even read the OP? He didn't mention anything about anyone insulting anyone. And "storming out" in a "huff" is hardly professional. Terrible advice, IMO.

OP, you are under no obligation to go to parties. Unless they are paying you. Your job should not dictate how you spend your free time.

I wonder is there an emphasis on attending as it could be percieved to boost staff morale. I think it has gone way past that in your organisation. It seems like there is a divide between old and new staff, Irish and Polish. That should be addressed by management, and there should be an effort made to bridge this divide but parties are not the way forward.

Have you taken this to management? They need to be aware that the morale is low, people aren't pulling their weight and people are unhappy. They can't fix the problem if they are not aware how serious it has become. You are there long enough that you are "considered an important part of the set up", so use that power. Get other staff members with a similar view point to support you and bring this issue to management. Even if you think they don't/ won't care, you should still TRY to do something about it.

Luca Brasi

You are under no contractual obligation to attend or give a reason for not attending.
I'm sure that the party will be fine without you or your colleagues. Its clear that there are divisions in the workplace, as in many such places, and management want to perpetuate the everyone is happy in the garden myth for their own advantage

Powerhouse

This reminds me of a company in which worked. Time was when after-work socialising was organic and just happened if people hit it off. Then you saw people being subtly obligated to socialise with some tosser simply because they worked with him. It was something that became particularly notcieable when quite a few non-Irish management came into the company through mergers etc.

These were American and Dutch mainly, and had a tendency to throw parties in their apartments which was easy for them as they didn't have their families in Ireland or any social life outside their work milieu. But whether formally or infomally they ended up closer to those with the time and inclination to party with them.

Broadly speaking I am of the view that work is work and socialising is socialising and never the twain should meet (I wouldn't have any difficulty with something once-off like a Christmas Party or whatever). But one is paid to work with these people. Taking part in their after-work entertainment should not be a requirement at any point. Unfortunately they can take advantage of vulnerable or immature staff in this respect.

As for boosting staff morale - I always think that when a company has to do extra-curricular stuff to boost staff morale it's already f*cked anyway. Staff morale is informed by how people are treated and respected within the work environment. Plying them with drink after work does not ever make up any shortfall in this respect.

Honey-ec

Don't go, it's as simple as that. If it's brought up by management, simply tell them that your social priorities have changed and you no longer have the time to attend work functions. Obviously, if there are certain events that it would be particularly politically advisable to attend, then show your face at these for the requisite amount of time, then bugger off.

And it's obliged, not obligated.

miamee

With respect, the managers are still your superiors work-wise and could make your work life very difficult if they wanted to. The way they will see it is that someone has gone to the trouble of organising and (presumably) paying for a night out for the staff. The aim of these things is usually to generate good will among employees and build on team spirit.

Admittedly from experience, I realise that sometimes they just turn into management getting drunk with their 'star employees' and they think that throwing free drink and food your way will make it all ok in the office. I'm not saying you should go to all of them and be last man standing but you should make an appearance at some of them if even only for a couple of hours.

A group of you not going in protest at how hard some others do or don't work just smacks of immaturity and at the end of it, you'll be the one losing out while those self-same workers are becoming bezzie mates with the managers over a few drinks.

Having been in a similar situation recently enough, I understand how hard it is to turn up to these things when it's the last place on earth you want to be. But written in your contract or not, getting along with work colleagues and being part of the team is part of your job and it will reflect badly on you and any others if you refuse outright. It also won't help the atmosphere that already sounds bad.

Short version: if you are not in a position to look for a new job elsewhere, start getting on with these people. Any other choice that includes making stands against fellow workers or holding grudges is just going to make you miserable in the long term IMO.

SeanSouth

Sounds to me that the OP is just too long in the same employment. The old days were better, the management is crap, yadda,yadda,yadda. Time to leave Mate.
Its getting to you. Try something else.

tinkerbell

Just do not go if you don't want to go, OP. You are paid to work during your working hours, you are not being paid to socialise after work hours with people who you do not wish to socialise with. Fair enough if you are actually friendly with your colleagues and ye go out for a few drinks, but I think giving up your free time to socialise with people who you don't want to spend any more time with after working with them all day is crazy. Your free time is precious, don't waste it and don't let people pressure you into going to it either. So long as you are friendly in work with people, grand. Just because you work with someone, doesn't mean you actually want to spend time with them outside of work too.

strandroad

Well if you don't feel like going then don't go, there is no obligation to attend social events and no formal consequences.

But it's more than just not wanting to waste a night. You seem to be boycotting most of your company; you are a part of the "old guard" and you feel that the quality has been lost (which may or may not be true, depending on who tells the story) but objectively if the rest of the company, both managers and other employees, adopted a different approach, you are not going to change it back to what you want it to be. They have moved on, for better or worse, it's a lost battle. You will be doing yourself and your group no favours by boycotting their policies, this attitude is probably quite visible in other aspects of your work life too. I agree that changing jobs would be a better strategy for you and if you can't do it now, let go of the resentment and distance yourself emotionally until you can.

dollypet

K- Dont go- dont waster time and effort on a night out that you KNOW you wont enjoy.
Do state in advance you wont be there and come up with a good reason why you cant. Example: you OH's mothers bday- make it a biggun that you couldnt miss- 60, 70, 80 whatever is right age bracket.

They can argue. Mother in law trumps work do. If they ask you for details then say you havent a clue- its being organised by someone else "I'm just doing what I'm told for the night"

Do this enough times you'll just be one of the people who never comes to parties.