Dating site timewasters

LegacyUser

How does one avoid these? I have no luck on these sites when it comes to going on actual dates. No problems at all chatting to girls and get plenty replies but when I try to arrange to meet up something goes wrong. They either disappear soon after or else they agree to meet up and subsequently come up with every excuse not to meet up but are happy to continue chatting to me.

I had a couple of very bad time wasters who cancelled on me when I was already on my way over to her, one that stood me up and kept saying how sorry she was so I gave her another chance but went quiet a few weeks later when I wanted to meet up again as I happened to be in the area, wouldn't waste good petrol driving to see her a second time. Wtf is it with these people? Do they just want to chat or use the sites to reassure themselves that so many guys are still interested in them? Am I doing something wrong to attract this type of person? Maybe I should pack in this dating site nonsense altogether.

mood

Try a paid site. Not many people will pay to use a site if they don't intend to actually meet people.

If I feel that things are going well, I will ask early on if they want to meet. If they say no, I would generally just move on. Not on a dating site to meet penpals. I have asked and been asked to meet after the first day.

LegacyUser

I've had similar experiences and agree it's very frustrating. I've often tried to understand why these people are even on the site but never worked it out!

One possible explanation for people on these sites getting cold feet is that we've been conditioned to not trust people we meet online. Remember that it wasn't long ago that we were being bombarded with messages about how meeting people you know from the internet is DANGEROUS. It's only in the past few years that online dating has become almost trendy. Some of that negativity sticks and these people may worry that meeting someone from a dating site for a drink is more than just that. If they're only signed up because they feel they should or their non-single friends suggested it to them, they may be falling back to this mindset.

I wouldn't give up on the online dating. After all you're doing it for a reason (you want to go on dates) and shouldn't let people who don't know what they want get in the way of that.

WumBuster

Not really one for dating sites but was on one before..imo, a lot of people are just on there because of curiosity and nosiness, see would see anyone they know on there and all that jazz. And many are not really committed to actually meeting anyone.

In future i suggest you try and arrange to speak with the person on the phone or skype before suggesting meeting up with them to try and get a feel for the person and where they are at. And vice versa. It isnt always as straight forward as ''do you want to meetup?- OK- rite grand Ill meet up in x place this Friday, talk to you soon''. You may need to make that emotional connection and reassurance first before they will actually be ready to meet up with you. And of course some are just messing around so you just move on quickly.

mood

WumBuster wrote: »

Not really one for dating sites but was on one before..imo, a lot of people are just on there because of curiosity and nosiness, see would see anyone they know on there and all that jazz. And many are not really committed to actually meeting anyone.

In future i suggest you try and arrange to speak with the person on the phone or skype before suggesting meeting up with them to try and get a feel for the person and where they are at. And vice versa. It isnt always as straight forward as ''do you want to meetup?- OK- rite grand Ill meet up in x place this Friday, talk to you soon''. You may need to make that emotional connection and reassurance first before they will actually be ready to meet up with you. And of course some are just messing around so you just move on quickly.

I disagree with this. I've been on a number of internet dates and never phoned or skyped the person before hand. I would find that very awkward.

cat_dog

mood wrote: »

I disagree with this. I've been on a number of internet dates and never phoned or skyped the person before hand. I would find that very awkward.

Whats wrong with that?! It just confirms the person you're talking to is who he/she says they are. And it confirms the meeting time/place etc.

mood

cat_dog wrote: »

Whats wrong with that?! It just confirms the person you're talking to is who he/she says they are. And it confirms the meeting time/place etc.

Like I said I would find that awkward. Not of the people I meet pretended to be someone else etc. Maybe some people might want to skype/phone before hand but not everyone.

bp1989

If it's awkward over Skype, surely it'll be even more awkward in person? If you can't make friendly conversation over the phone without feeling awkward, I can't imagine it'll go too smoothly when you meet them in the flesh.

mood

bp1989 wrote: »

If it's awkward over Skype, surely it'll be even more awkward in person? If you can't make friendly conversation over the phone without feeling awkward, I can't imagine it'll go too smoothly when you meet them in the flesh.

No. They all went smoothly apart form one.

Try to narrow it down a bit, try to meet people that live or work reasonable near as people are more likely to make an effort if they do not have to travel too far...meet at lunch time as often its a lot of hassle to go out after work especially if the person is only vaguely interested in meting up, make it light hearted, a quick meet great and a coffee that all...

I found the best time to meet was lunch time Saturday or Sunday.

A paid site is the best.

LegacyUser

I tried online dating. It didn't work for me but I did learn one thing. It's better to meet the person you're messaging before too long. Some people just go onto those sites just to text and that never leads on to dates. The other risk is that if you message someone for too long you build up an imaginary picture of them in your head. If I was to go back and try it again that's the one thing I'd do differently.