why do I feel uncomfortable around men

aliassmith

I am a divorced lady aged 52. The divorce was messy and angry and I was caused a lot of hurt over my ex husbands actions.
I have never really been comfortable with men,but this seems to have escalated in the past few years.
I noticed the other day when visiting a friend,that when her husband came home, I thought Id never get out of there,before that , I was quite happy before I knew he was there. I am the same with my brothers-in-law,but not so much around my brother.
My adult son still lives at home and this has even manifested itself around him. I feel much more at ease when its just myself and my daughter at home.
Even around my father I am the same. He is a soft gentle soul,but yet, I prefer when he goes out and just leaves me there with my mother.
Obviously,feeling like this I wouldnt be able to start a relationship because, I dont like men in general. I love my sons of course and only feel like this about the son who still lives at home. Id hate him to know I feel this way.
Is there something wrong with me??

Neyite

I think its worth exploring through counselling why you feel uncomfortable around men, as I imagine it will be very restrictive for you to avoid an entire gender most of the time.

It could be something from childhood that maybe only resurfaced due to your divorce and clashes with your ex. It could be a simple confidence issue - I had a milder version where I was more comfortable around men than women for a long time because through school I was bullied and it was by females. I struggled to form trusting friendships and through counselling realised this was why. I have lots of female friends now

Of course you are normal. But this is something that is causing you to feel slightly off balance around males and life would be so much easier without it, wouldn't it? So, yep, I'm a big fan of counselling, even if its just to straighten out your thoughts during big life changes (such as divorce) I consider it akin to giving your headspace a big spring-clean.

Mr Bump

In my opinion I think you are just having a lash back at males in general due to the hurt your husband caused you, I would suggest this feeling will leave you in time, I do feel you should make an effort and get up and go out and enjoy yourself, mixing with people help you forget and move on with life, to fast track this a little support from a little therapy would help you fast tack this problem, I am a firm believer if you need help with something, you have to start with yourself,
I hope your life returns to you soon, remember we only have one and its a very short one, so move on and enjoy it, sorry i can help any more then the above,

aliassmith wrote: »

I am a divorced lady aged 52. The divorce was messy and angry and I was caused a lot of hurt over my ex husbands actions.
I have never really been comfortable with men,but this seems to have escalated in the past few years.
I noticed the other day when visiting a friend,that when her husband came home, I thought Id never get out of there,before that , I was quite happy before I knew he was there. I am the same with my brothers-in-law,but not so much around my brother.
My adult son still lives at home and this has even manifested itself around him. I feel much more at ease when its just myself and my daughter at home.
Even around my father I am the same. He is a soft gentle soul,but yet, I prefer when he goes out and just leaves me there with my mother.
Obviously,feeling like this I wouldnt be able to start a relationship because, I dont like men in general. I love my sons of course and only feel like this about the son who still lives at home. Id hate him to know I feel this way.
Is there something wrong with me??

The Corinthian

aliassmith wrote: »

Is there something wrong with me??

Yes. I'm not suggesting you're loony tunes, or anything so extreme, but if you dislike to be around half of the population - including people you love, like your father or son - then let's call a spade a spade, there's a problem.

Your feelings may be born out of your breakup with your husband - anger at him that now is directed at all men, by association. Or not; after all I'm not a psychologist, and neither is anyone else here, I suspect. As such, I would strongly recommend you see a professional, to talk through this anger, and hopefully you'll be able to sever the connection you have between this anger and men.

Beruthiel

aliassmith wrote: »

Is there something wrong with me??

Something is certainly amiss.
Whatever about feeling this way around strangers, the fact that it is the same around your son and father suggests that you should certainly talk to a professional.
You need to sort it out before it becomes a real problem in your relationship with them.