Nervous when I talk to people

LegacyUser

I get so nervous when I talk to people and its really getting me down as I stop conversating with people in general, its even like this when I sometimes speak with family members and its making me feel like an idiot and I start to think that they be laughing at me behind my back cause when I say something the nerves takes over and I start to stutter and I just completely just give up talking and its very embarrassing and demeaning for me.

It has hit my confidence really hard as well and social outings, so whenever I do get asked to go out I plainly refuse cause of my problem.

Have anyone ever experience what I am describing? And how did you control/handle....

Thank you for anyone reading this

Kevster

Heya,

I'm almost 30 and for all intents and purposes I am the same way as you are ...

I remember struggling with myself (just like you are now) for so many years and it coincided with the most depressing years of my life. I couldn't accept that I was the quiet person whilst everyone else could seemingly talk and be comfortable.

The breakthrough came when I just accepted myself for who I was. I said to myself: 'Do I really need to talk?' Obviously, this didn't just happen overnight, but I'm simplfying for the purpises of this post. After accepting myself and my true nature, I could actually go out and feel comfortable by just adding 'gentle' commentary whilst the others chatted away. You know, sometimes it's better to be a listener and to remain quiet - some people like others who just listen.

I also realised that I was more comfiortable in one-on-one occasions, such as meeting just a single female friend for a coffee somewhere. Having lots of stimuli around can be a drain on the senses...

Take it easy,
Kevin

LegacyUser

Thank you kevin for taking the time to read and reply to my post.

I am already in my 30's and I am not irish and I feel maybe thats the reason as most irish people I have come across are the total opposite of me, so its nice to hear from someone that has gone through the same similarities as me and understands.

I remember not always being this way, I was very out there in my 20's and have fallen hard on life as I entered my 30's

I just feel a little depressed also and just wanted to vent my frustration!

Neyite

Would you consider Toastmasters OP? they focus on public speaking or speaking to a group and I've heard it can be brilliant for your confidence.

Kevster

Hi again - are you from a non-English-speaking country? I know that when you try to speak a language that's not your first language, a lot of meaning can be lost in your words. This can really disrupt conversations with native speakers. I lived in Argentina for a short while, and although I can speak good Spanish, it was still difficult to converse with native Argentinians.

I did also have a time in my 20s when I went out partying a lot, but that was part of my learning about myself - ie I learned that I wasn't a 'going out' person at all and preferred quietness, meeting up with people in one-on-ones (for coffees, lunches, et cetera).

What Neyite said about public speaking could help... standing in front of people and speaking is something that is difficult at first, but can become very empowering and liberating..

LegacyUser

The language is not an issue for me, like I stated above I even have this problem with some family members in my native language so language is not the barrier at all for me when it comes to this.

I believe I will get over this and quite frankly I wish I knew how to resolve it now, but I guess it will take time I just need to work on confidence first and then everything else will fall into place.

Thank you to you once more for the kind response and thank you to nayite as well, I will look into that!

Kevster

Good luck my friend.

the_god_swan

Hi OP, about 2 years ago I started to experience similar feelings when talking to people or being in a crowd. This too was also the complete opposite to my persona through out my whole life. Anyhow, at the time i worked in a small company in a small office and i used to feel really uncomfortable for no reason. I was constantly aware of what i was doing as not to draw attention to myself and thinking about what my colleagues were thinking of me. This spilled into my social life. This is not a nice place to be!

Long story story, I researched online and realised I had developed Social Anxiety. I read some self help books at the time that picked me up temporary but it was not a long term solution. I finally told a doctor my story, the first person I had ever spoken to about this, and it felt amazing to be actually even speaking about my feelings. She put me in contact with a councilor, whom I did 10 1-hour sessions with of CBT. This was last summer and I still feel good, if the anxiety comes back I can deal with it now because I know what it is. And it can never come back as bad as it did when I did understand it.

I'm not diagnosing you, I'm just suggesting you could do some research from this angle. That was the beginning of me fixing myself : )