Hate my mother, how to deal with this?

LegacyUser

I have always had a bad relationship with my mother, we just never got on and even this morning there was a pretty huge arguement over a esb bill.

I have discovered that she cheated on my father with one of my friends, He wasnt a close friend but still I spent a lot of time with him and he knews my group of friends very well, I just can't face any of my friends and this guy is still hanging around my local area.

My mother and father have worked through this mess and my father has forgiven her, why? I have no clue, I wish he would just throw her out and be done with it. Me and my brother know about the affair but my parents don't have a clue that we know about it.

Two issues here: I really feel hate towards my mother and really just can't stand her. Things were always bad between us but now I just planly hate her guts.

How the hell do I face my friends? I know the lads know wat has happened and i'm sure a few have been laughing about it. please lads nee advice

ibarelycare

How old are you OP?

Hate, like love, is a very strong emotion to carry around. The difference is that love is usually a positive thing, but hate can be very destructive. It can eat you up.

I think you probably might not hate your mother, but be furious with her. Thats really understandable because of the position you're left in, but it will fade. You'l probably always harbour some anger over this situation but its unlikely that you'll keep feeling this intensity of emotion. Honestly, it'll lessen and you'll feel better.

Your parents have worked it out, and I don't think you're probably aware of all the issues in their relationship so try not to see it in terms of your dad not doing what he ''should''. Try to respect their right to run their marriage how they see fit and not second guess their decisions.

Remember too, that if you're hearing about this from someone other than your parents themselves, its very possible you're not getting an accurate picture.

Just let time pass and cope as best you can. You might find that what you feel as hate at the moment is understandable rage. Rage always fades and you aren't going to feel like this forever. When you're in a more calm state of mind is the time to evaluate your relationship with your mother.

Best of luck.

Starokan

Mothers are human too, they make mistakes like I do and you do, Im not excusing her behaviour and I'm certain it was horrific for you to hear of an affair. But if your dad can forgive her so can you.

I would say nothing to your friends, if they are ill mannered and ignorant enough to bring it up to your face then you will have to deal with it and my way would be to tell them its private family business and none of theirs. If someone trys to rip the piss out of you for it, bite your tongue and walk on, they are not worth it

Honestly I know its raw at the moment but hate is a really pointless emotion , it does you as much harm as it does the person your hating. If you turn on your mother now you are also turning on your family as your dad obviously wants to make a go of things. The best way you can help your family as a whole is to try and make an effort with your mother , I know this is probably not what you want to hear but you may find if you do so it will be worth it

skyfall2012

Hi OP, You mother has made a huge mistake, that could have cost her, her family and maybe it has by the way you are feeling. She is very lucky to have the husband that she has, I really hope she learns from her mistake. When she had that affair she didn't consider how it might affect you and your brother and the fall-out you would have to deal with in the local area. She acted very selfishly, there is no doubt.

I think OP you are young maybe 20 or less and I would like to say that life is a lot more complicated than you may realize. Everybody puts their parents on a pedestal and when they fall, they fall far in the eyes of their children, specially when it comes to one parent damaging the normal running of family life. Parents go through different stages in life, like when their children become teenagers and no longer need their parents, it sometimes makes parents re evaluate their lives and where they are in their own lives and it can affect them differently and they may do things you would never imagine them doing.

Your mother and father are in a relationship, and the dynamics of that relationship only they can understand, so there is no point in you hoping your Dad kicks her out. He obviously loves her and wants to works through things. You will only understand when you are in a relationship yourself.

If your friends are real friends they will show you some respect and not bring up the subject, otherwise they are not friends and those people should be avoided for a while.

I think you should talk to your Dad about it and tell him how you are feeling and he may be able to help you get a better understanding of the situation and how to deal with it. At the moment he doesn't know that you know and I think you could do with some parental guidance in this situation and your Dad sounds like a good guy and you have a good relationship with him, so he might be a good place to start.

Good luck, OP.