My housemate dislikes me

LegacyUser

Been living with her for about 5 months now, we got on well at first but over the past couple of months I just get the impression she really doesn't like me. Recently the only thing we say is hi, sometimes that seems like an effort for her. She acts friendly when she wants something, e.g. money for bills, a favour, then it's immediately back to the way it was. She walks around the kitchen sighing like it pains her for me to be there (although she could be sighing about something else I suppose). I think I'm ok to live with, sometimes I do things wrong, I can be a bit forgetful, but if it's said to me once I will correct whatever I'm doing. Other than that I would consider myself easy going and considerate.

My question is, should I say something to her, try and find out what the problem is?

JaneeMack

maybe she doesn't dislike you but has other issues that she's not happy about. Do you guys talk at all at home? Do you make an effort to be friendly with her, like asking her how her day was and stuff? Do you guys do anything together, like eating together or watching tv together or working out?

Also, how long has this been going on?

I would gently bring it up, first by asking her how she is and stuff and expands from there. If, for no concrete reasons, she doesn't like you and if it bothers you, I would start looking for a new place, not cuz she doesnt like you but cuz you have to feel at home in the place where you cohabit.

LegacyUser

JaneeMack wrote: »

maybe she doesn't dislike you but has other issues that she's not happy about. Do you guys talk at all at home? Do you make an effort to be friendly with her, like asking her how her day was and stuff? Do you guys do anything together, like eating together or watching tv together or working out?

Also, how long has this been going on?

I would gently bring it up, first by asking her how she is and stuff and expands from there. If, for no concrete reasons, she doesn't like you and if it bothers you, I would start looking for a new place, not cuz she doesnt like you but cuz you have to feel at home in the place where you cohabit.

Thanks for your reply. One thing I could do is be more talkative, I'm a bit shy, especially if I feel something negative toward me off the other person. But I will try and be more friendly and converse with her more. We used to talk sometimes at night but not any more. It's been going on for 2/3 months now.

I know she has been through a tough time over the past year and has worries etc. But her change towards me was quite sudden and seems to be getting worse. I will try and ask her in the way you suggested though, thanks for you advice.

SebBerkovich

Maybe the two of you should go out for a drink or do something else social outside the house.

Queen-Mise

rcc4 wrote: »

I think I'm ok to live with, sometimes I do things wrong, I can be a bit forgetful, but if it's said to me once I will correct whatever I'm doing. Other than that I would consider myself easy going and considerate.

My question is, should I say something to her, try and find out what the problem is?

Ask her to do you a favour - to leave a note for you when you do something 'wrong' or forget something and own up to those two things. Tell her you are as paranoid as fcuk (or some other words) about it and would love if she just left you a note - for bins, or bills etc etc.

Come at it sideways - if this is what is annoying her, you may well have solved a problem for her. And if it is not then you have put the hand out and it might open the door to more talking.

Kevster

I'm almost 30 and am still somewhat like the shy boy and teenager that I always was from years ago... I frequently feel that others are 'against' me or that they don't like me, like you seem to be feeling with your housemate, but the reality is that we are more than likely misjudging the other person's behaviours.

I think that the best response was by JaneeMack and that you should follow what was said ('gently' bring up the issue). I don't believe that you have to go out to the pub or anything with this person - you should be happy and comfortable in your own skin - and she should accept you for who you are. In life, we cannot expect to get on fab with everyone that we meet, right...?

Stavro Mueller

I'd not rule out moving. Life's too short to share houses with people who make you feel less than comfortable. I don't know what her issues are but it could be something as simple as she has gotten fed up of sharing with someone else.

JaneeMack

I live with a roommate who I found a bit too reserved for my taste but she kinda started opening up after about a month but it only happened after we both made the efforts. I think, whoever you live with, it is difficult to live with a stranger, not to even mention your family member! It's all about making the effort and trying to coexist in the limited space you have.

You said you are shy but maybe you are also kinda concerned about how she feels about you and what she might feel about what you're saying and stuff. Stop worrying and ask her questions like, how was your day, how was work, oh have you seen this, have you heard about this blah blah blah it's not that difficult

Dark Phoenix

Sounds like you have fallen into a silence thats hard to break out of. Its hard to know if she doesn't like you - maybe she is quiet with everyone, maybe there are other things going on and upsetting her.

Why not try and initiate conversation and just see how it goes? Maybe say hi and just ask how her day was and see if she will start chatting to you. If you suspect bills might be the issue why not chat to her about that and find out in advance what bills are due and when so you can ensure she is not left waiting for anything.

All you can do is try and if she doesn't reciprocate and you are not enjoying living there - maybe its time to look for somewhere new.

The Reamer

Did you two know eachother before moving in or do you just happen to live in the same house through roomshare or whatever?

Some people have this idea that living under the same roof as someone else means that you should be all pally and become friends. That's not the way it works imo. All well and good if you do become friendly but maybe she is just not interested in being friends. Maybe she has enough going on otherwise.

A personal anecdote.
When I was in college, for 2 years I lived in 2 different houses with a few other students who i didn't know. We didn't all watch TV together, drink together or become pals. We had enough to be doing with college etc and generally speaking, kept out of eachothers way. Sure we'd exchange pleasantries if we happened to be in the same room but generally we all kept to ourselves.

In my case anyway, I wasn't friends with them, didn't want anything to d with them, and wasn't bothered by it at all. The way I see it we were three individuals who rented rooms and shared a hallway, kitchen and bathroom.

This thing is very common.