Missing kissing

LegacyUser

Any advice please?

My boyfriend thinks kissing me means putting his lips together, pouting, planting his lips on mine, making a big 'kiss' noise and pulling away - what my mother used to call a 'peck'. If we're having sex and I really push it, he'll stick his tongue out and wriggle it about in my mouth a few times and that's it.

This man is not a youngster and has had several relationships. It's like he missed out on the whole kissing thing as a teenager and has no concept of the whole process. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously his mouth is too private to let others in - if that makes any sense?

Several times, I've planned how and when to initiate a 'slow kissing' session but it hasn't happened yet. I have gotten as far as asking him not to make the kissing noise but then he just pushes out his lips and holds them there and we both dissolve in giggles as it feels ridiculous.

Not a major issue in the scheme of things maybe, but tender kissing is my biggest turn on and it's not happening. We've been together for several months now and as time goes on with no solution I'm beginning to wonder if it'll ever change.

So, any suggestions???

Roisy7

That would drive me bananas too OP, kissing is great! Have a chat with him and maybe put into practice the slow kissing session. Perhaps make a game out of it, and don't be afraid to gently direct him!

Auster23

I had the exact same issue with my, I hate to tell you, ex boyfriend. Like you I'm really into kissing and my ex just never was. It meant that it was really difficult for me to ever get interested in the physical side of things. I spent 8 years of my life with this guy because so much was right in the relationship. Eventually we broke up, a lack of proper intimacy being one of the main reasons.

Since then I've met guys who appreciate how much fun kissing can be and it makes a real difference.

Like the other poster suggests, bring it up with him and ask him to try to change. If he doesn't though, I wouldn't underestimate the long term effects on your sex life.

Cerulean Chicken

Oh Jesus if someone stuck their tongue out and wriggled it in my mouth that'd be the last of any sexual action I'm afraid. I stopped seeing a guy because he did something similar to this, so off putting, ugh.

I actually don't know how you can put up with that, fair play OP! If that was me I'd have to sort that out and make him learn not to kiss like a granny.

Big Bag of Chips

I might be way off the mark here but it sounds like he's just not bothered with the foreplay side of sex or general affection and just wants straight in for 'the main attraction'.

Kissing isn't hard! Most of us figured it out between the ages of 12 and 14! I think you are making excuses saying he missed out on it in his younger days... Surely he would have figured it out fairly quick once he started!

I think making a joke out of it is just deflecting from the problem. He's not interested in kissing you, that's why he doesn't.

Cupcake_Crisis

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I think making a joke out of it is just deflecting from the problem. He's not interested in kissing you, that's why he doesn't.

That is an incredibly insensitive thing to say!

Op, it could just be a hang up he has, he might feel like he's not a good kisser. Try reassuring him that you enjoy kissing him and just want to do it more. Take some time to learn what each other likes. Kissing is so important in relationships, it's so intimate and sexy.

Big Bag of Chips

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

That is an incredibly insensitive thing to say!

OP, I didn't mean it to come across as insensitive, and I meant it in the context of he is obviously ok with having sex, but has no interest in kissing.

I think it is incredibly selfish, and childish of him to make a joke out of something that is clearly important to you.

You are not asking for anything 'weird' here, and the fact that he is making no attempt, and it's upsetting you (you wouldn't have posted otherwise) would tell me that he has no interest in kissing.

Only you can decide if you're happy to put up with that, because if he hasn't changed by now, it's unlikely he will.

Unless... You are sort of dropping hints without being direct about it. Have you directly told him? Have you told him it's very important to you? If not, then maybe I've been a bit harsh on him.

RossFixxxed

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Unless... You are sort of dropping hints without being direct about it. Have you directly told him? Have you told him it's very important to you? If not, then maybe I've been a bit harsh on him.

This is quite possible. I'm usually ok at reading things, sussing a situation out but once this sort of thing starts I'm completely and utterly lost. I mean I'm like a cat with an iPad lost. It's bewildering and don't do this. I'm not saying you actually are but you need to be upfront, direct, and emphasise how important it is to you. Sit him down for a proper chat and see how that goes.

We all get a bit brain dead and miss the point in relationships sometimes. My intentions are good but my word makings in the brain comparment aren't the doing well and my thoughts have feelings too! Things come out wrong, or can be weirdly embarrassing even though, logically, they shouldn't be.

CaraMay

Op you need to tell him. Did ye ever kiss even when your romance was starting?

LegacyUser

Ah, he's not making a joke out of it. I told him he was the noisiest kisser I'd ever met and to give me a kiss without the noise - thinking if we tackled the noise bit first it might lead into something more productive - but the lips were still held together and now they were thin and it was just so ridiculous we both burst out laughing.

He's been the same since we met. The first time we 'kissed' I thought he wasn't interested, thought he was pulling away when I tried to kiss him. But he convinced me he was very interested, I was too embarrassed to tell him he was a sh...te kisser and here we are.

As was said above, maybe he was convinced he's a bad kisser and this is a habit he got into as a defence. It's a real pain. And maybe I am beating about the bush too much. I'm just afraid he'll take fright and seize up altogether. I've read lots of threads here where men take offence at weird things and get defensive and offensive about them.

I've been separated for quite a while and have gone out with a few men with great sex but hopeless relationships. This time the relationship is good and I'm getting used to having someone around who I can make part of my life, who is good to be with and who gets on well with my friends. So if the sex was reasonable maybe it would work long term. But yeah, it's hard to get interested without kissing....

Overheal

Did he always turn away from the television when people kissed on screen or something?? I suggest visual aids. I'd suggest other things, but I'm trying to be helpful, not amusing

Cupcake_Crisis

Try siting him down for a few minutes and having a little kissing lesson. Put it in the least offensive way possible by saying that you want to learn what he likes, as well as showing him what you like.

beks101

Hey OP,

I actually found myself laughing a little at your post there - not laughing at your misfortune or anything (I'm not that bad..yet..!), but more the way you describe it - there is a funny side to this and I'd play on that with him to remove the possibility of causing offence.

You may very well be right that it's just not something he has confidence about, or it might be something he just never developed and never got called on it either.

Either way, I'd sit him down when you both have some time to kill and tell him, no questions asked, you are going to have a makeout session for the next half an hour. And take the lead - show him what you like, kiss him the way you want to be kissed, explore his mouth and probe his tongue into yours and take it slowly until you get into a rhythm with it.

Don't feel guilty or nervous or anxious about offending him - kissing is supposed to be fun! Just tell him that it's been a while since you've shared a kiss that really turned you on and you want to play around with him, try new things

Keep it lighthearted, if something isn't working take a break, laugh together, when he gets it wrong gently guide him back to what you like, and don't let it descend into sex and abandon the ship altogether. Kissing is a really important part of intimacy with your partner and it's worth the time and slight discomfort of addressing it solely and taking the lead in order to make it a more enjoyable experience for you.

Best of luck. Pucker up!

danslevent

Show him that clip from the movie "cruel intentions" where one girl teaches the other how to kiss!

kat.mac

beks101 wrote: »

Just tell him that it's been a while since you've shared a kiss that really turned you on and you want to play around with him, try new things

Excellent suggestion. I also think if you tell him in no uncertain words how important kissing is for you, he'll be very interested in making the effort to amend his technique!