Is there any hope for us?

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyfriend (both late twenties) went through a very difficult patch last year. I was going through a very difficult time with depression. My behaviour was extremely erratic during our relationship. He knew about my history and was very supportive of me and did so much to help me. He was also struggling with depression himself so things were a bit all over the place for us. In the end, I decided I needed to give him space as it was too much to put him through and I didn't have the energy to be there for him either.
We're in college together and called it a day just before breaking for the summer (summer just gone).

When we both went back this year (our final year) I realised my feelings for him had only grown. I love this man, which he knew before the split and I know he feels/felt the same way. I talked to him about how I felt upon spending time together again and he said he felt the same, that his feelings hadn't changed at all, but because we were in such a f***ed up situation before the split, he wanted to take things slow.
I really hurt him and I know he's very afraid of having to go through that emotional turmoil again, especially during of final year of college.

His version of slow was much slower than I had anticipated though. I discussed it with him and he reassured me that his feelings hadn't changed, but needed time.
In the same day, he told me he no longer wanted the relationship to get back on track but wanted to remain friends only. This was before the Christmas and I'm utterly heart broken. I love this man so much. I want to respect his wishes. At the same time, I feel if there is any hope, I can't give up.

What do I do? I've been through it with friends and family. Some say I should sit down and talk to him, others say move on.
If he needs time, I'll give him all the time he needs, but what do I do about approaching him again?
I should say that we're in regular contact on a friend level at the moment.
I really need some advice.

CaraMay

Meet him and ask him but if the answer is still no then cut all contact. You can't get over someone by being their friend.

Sometimes relationships just don't survive a break up well enough to make it work a second time but that's the risk you take when you break.


So have one go talking to him and then move on totally if that doesn't work. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm very sorry for your troubles, especially the issues with depression, hope you are improving. However, what struck me about your post is that this young man in third year in college was dealing with a very intense situation with a girlfriend suffering from depression. Relationships are supposed to be fun and he found himself supporting someone through what was obviously a horrible situation, but unfortunately it's not something someone would voluntarily go back to if they had escaped it, Your illness may possibly be the driving force behind the barriers between you at present and it's unlikely you'll get him back because of this. Focus on the friendship you have and maybe show him that's behind you and who knows what could develop.

LegacyUser

Thank you both for your replies. Cutting contact is difficult as we're on the same course and have the same circle of friends so we see each other every day.
It feels terrible that we may not get what we had back. We had some amazing times together. I do understand that it would've been very emotionally draining for him (putting it mildly) and it makes sense that he wouldn't want to put himself in that position again.
I wish I could turn back time.

Cupcake_Crisis

Op, you don't necessarily have to cut contact all together, but if he wants space then give him space, he will appreciate you respecting his wishes. I know it's extremely cliche, but if it's meant to be it will all work itself out. You obviously have a strong bond with this man because of everything you've been through together, and when he's in a better headspace he'll be able to see things more clearly.