I can't deal with this

LegacyUser

So basically long story short:

Got with a girl (call her R) in my course last year. Big commotion in class as a a class lesbian (we'll call her L said they had sex one drunken night. R and L were at loggerheads as R said that it was a lie and that what L was spreading around the class was disgusting. They both despised one another with my ex always saying nasty things about her, basically this lesbian was the butt of our jokes. Towards the end of the year she reported said lesbian to her tutor for harassment. Nothing was done about it as it was nearing the end of the year.

Fast forward to the summer where we break up because ''she's too selfish to be in a relationship'' ''it's not you it's me''.... Which i found out later to be bull**** and the real reason was that ''i was impossible to be with'' ( I suffer from depression).... Anyway this year in college i was texting and asking her for answers about if she still loved me. Was continuously lead on saying she felt the same but we couldn't be together...Tried being friends but i always wanted more so i asked her again. ''Do you still love me?''.. Her reply was ''i don't know''... i said don't you think i deserve to know? She retorted ''Don't you think i deserve some space''... Anyway her grandad died one day in college and i text to see what happened. She didn't reply. She did however tell this lesbian who she hated or so it seemed about what happened. I didn't take offence however and took it upon myself to send a mass card to her house to give my condolences as i knew how much he meant to her. Did i receive a thank you? No. I didn't even receive a message saying ''I'm doing ok'' which was all i asked for.... In the end i asked in college one day if she still loved me and after 2 months of her leading me on she finally told me no.

A week later i got an email from the junior dean saying that two students had complained on the grounds of harassing, aggressive, and intimidating behaviour. The two students who complained? Yes you guessed it. Ex and the lesbian. Weird eh? So now it's at the stage where my ex and this lesbian are the best of friends again, laughing and joking (at my expense no doubt) and i've to see it everyday.

I'm just perplexed by the fact that someone who ''loved you'' could do this considering how much they hated said person after they spread such ''malicious rumours''.

Anyone know how the fcuk to deal with this situation because when i go into my course everyday i see them all day and to be honest i dread going in every morning. It's gotten to the stage where i've contemplated leaving.

Please if you have any wise words don't hesistate to chip in. I'm at my wits end.

LegacyUser

Anyone?

Roisy7

Both girls seem like a headwreck, although I'm a little aggrieved by your persistent use of the word 'lesbian' to describe L, I'm sure there's more to her than her orientation.

To be honest, if they have reported you to the junior dean, stay away from them. It's two voices against one here and I imagine they have their stories pretty straight by now.

I know you must be feeling **** right now but things will improve. Just leave it now. Don't do anything dramatic or quit college, keep the head down and focus on college, clubs, socs, other friends.

It doesn't matter if R had sex with L or L is a mistress manipulator or R didn't have the manners to reply to your mass card or your texts. She sounds like a fairly unpleasant person and you've wasted more than enough time and energy on her. Move on now, don't make this worse. The truth generally comes out in the end. Use this as a very valuable life lesson. Never waste your time on someone who is less then 100 % on you. R was never this, and you deserve better.

Re-reading here it seems again that R is a lightning bitch. "L" was the butt of your jokes? She seems to be the type of person who needs someone to victimise and that type of person is never happy without a target, and they're never without a target for long.

You mentioned that you suffer from depression. I strongly urge you to seek out your college counsellor and discuss this with them. Perhaps you could approach your dean also and explain the situation from your point of view.

Good luck

Neyite

The two of them sound like they deserve each other to be honest.

It sucks, but sometimes people treat those that they profess to love abominably. Its happened to me in the past and its not easy to regain trust in the opposite sex again. But one girl is not indicative of an entire gender. There are lovely girls out there.:)

What to do about this? Nothing. Absolutely diddly squat - they have engineered it so that even if you try to communicate further that you will end up looking like the stalker. Avoid them. Your ex is a looper - first reporting the other girl, now they are besties but have reported you? State your case to the Dean and add that you will give them a wide berth.

If there was a complaint to the Dean, surely they would have had to provide proof to him that you were what they allege. Did they? How much longer is your course? Can the Dean facilitate you moving to another campus or course? Is that something you could consider?

LegacyUser

I'm sorry for using the word ''lesbian'' so much. I didn't mean to offend anyone i just find the story is easier to explain if i refer to her as that as it emphasises how ****ed up the situation is..


I really am in a bad place having to see them everyday laughing like the best of friends. I honestly don't understand it and it's wrecking my head. The junior dean took their side before even asking me. I've until may and i'm in my final year. It's really hard to concentrate in college and i'm doing a research project so concentration should be high.


Again sorry about the usage of the word ''lesbian''. I appreciate the words of wisdom and advice immensely i just don't see a way out of this at the moment.

Big Bag of Chips

It seems you and R enjoyed laughing at L - now R and L are enjoying laughing at you. it's not nice, but it's not going to kill you either.

Ignore them both. The common denominator here is R. She needs to make fun of someone to make herself feel better. And in a very short space of time she has reported 2 of her classmates for harrassment and what not.

Sounds like a very immature girl, who needs constant drama and attention.

Best thing to do is ignore them. I can promise you their friendship won't last too long, and R will move on to pastures new.. probably making fun of and re-reporting L as she goes.

If you can ignore them and realise they are stil stuck in secondary school mentality, then you will soon look back on this and wonder why you spent so much of your energy worrying about them.

LegacyUser

In fairness i had just reason to poke jibes at her. She was spreading ''rumours'' about someone i loved. Bit of a difference.

Overall it's just hard to come to terms with the level of betrayal. I'll find it very hard to love someone again and to even open up to a girl will be a challenge. It's sad really and i know girls out there are decent people but i've to take from my experiences.

Richy06

Ah man stop being so melodramatic. They're clearly a bunch of idiots who are not worthy of your time and notice. Your girlfriend and her new girlfriend seem to need constant attention, which is maybe why she left you in the first place? She said you were too much for her? People with large egos can't be putting up with those they need to share the spotlight with. They aren't worth putting any further energy into. Rise above it, don't get drawn into the childishness and just get on with your life.

You'll regret not putting your all into your college work when you have to repeat some exams or projects down the line due to some girl trouble. Learn to get comfortable in yourself, don't take the piss out of people or snipe at people - it's not nice when it comes back on you.

judgefudge

itsimpossible wrote: »

In fairness i had just reason to poke jibes at her. She was spreading ''rumours'' about someone i loved. Bit of a difference.

In fairness for all you know your ex has told this lesbian girl that you've done all sorts. So I'm sure she feels like poking fun at you is justified too. The common denominator is your ex, you need to accept that she's a nasty person and you are better off without her. Keep your head down and chat to other people on the course. Don't drop out over some nasty person like her.

Hopefully you'll learn from this not to poke fun or judge other people.

LegacyUser

I appreciate all the replies. I'm just looking forward to the year ending at this stage. It's a nightmare to be around these two people coupled with the fact i can't do anything about it. I acknowledge the relationship is done but i'm finding it hard to move on from this chapter in my life when i'm surrounded by it from 9am to 5pm everyday.

Call me melodramatic all you want. The fact still remains that i'm in a bad situation, in a place I no longer want to be because of it, and have to be around two people who disgust me.

Big Bag of Chips

itsimpossible wrote: »

The fact still remains that i'm in a bad situation, in a place I no longer want to be because of it, and have to be around two people who disgust me.

Ok - so what do you want to do about it? What advice are you looking for?

The only thing you can realistically do is ignore them, and get on with your course work. There is no other advice to offer you.

Of course you are entitled to feel bad about it, and feel like you are in a bad situation. But your options are:

- quit your course in the last few months of your final year

OR

- ignore them as best you can and get on with finishing your last few months.

I can guarantee you that R is so wrapped up in herself, and it sounds like L fancies her and will do anything to stay close to her (who's to say they didn't have/aren't having a relationship? If someone spread, what I professed to be malicious rumours about me, to the point where I felt the need to report them, I certainly would not be bussom buddies with them a few short months later) that you are barely on their radar.

They might enjoy having a giggle at your expense for a week or two, but then they'll get bored and move onto their next target.

kat.mac

OP, there's a lot of immaturity going on here, some from yourself, although primarily from R and L.

You need to realise that these are two very sad individuals who seem to take great enjoyment out of messing with other people. The sooner you really realise this, the easier it will be to take Big Bag of Chips' advice and just ignore them. Seriously, it can be quite simple to ignore someone when you see them for what they really are.

As for your questions about how someone who 'loved' you could be so horrible to you... I have a very strong feeling that you'll find out some day what love actually is and you'll realise that what you had with R wasn't it. You live and you learn, my friend!