I think I'm totally overreacting but....

Aug23

Ok so I feel really silly posting this as I know in the scheme of things it's not that important but....

I'm 24 and have been with my boyfriend 3 years. Since Christmas I feel like things are gone a bit weird between us. We live very closeby and he calls over a lot of nights. (I live with my parents) He now comes over, brings his iPad and just sits there for the night on the iPad. I'm v busy these days and am out most nights so the nights that I don't have anything on, I want to stay at home (rather than go out somewhere with him). We spend most of the night in the sitting room with my parents. Later in the night I say I'm going to bed, he comes in. I have a tv in my room... My plan is for us to watch it together for an hour or two.... But he just falls asleep after 15 mins.

Then there's this girl who is a mutual friend who lately I've seen him texting and facebooking far more than before.. I read a message that he sent after a night out lately where he said "Really Loved the chat, looking forward to continuing it soon". When we meet her, he's all about her... I know this is prob normal in most relationships but its not in ours.

I don't know.... I suppose the whole thing is gone a bit stale.. I think he fancies this mutual friend (It might not come across from what I've said but there are lots of other small things I have seen) and I'm worried for us. I love him and would hate for him not to be part of my life but I'm really not feeling our relationship is going well at the moment.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

bakergirl91

Hi op. There are a number of issues i can see in your post. Firstly it is clear you want more attention. Are you sure that you are not just jealous that he is chatting to her and not you, and maybe not flirting at all? To be honest it is difficult to judge by your post whether he truly is flirting with her or not. Secondly, i believe that relationships are a two way system. I often go out with my partner when i dont want to..... what i am trying to suggest is try and spice things up in how ye hang out ? Hanging out in the same manner is exhausting for any relationship, and quiet frankly boring ( no offense to your parents), so in a way it comes as no surprise to me that he is messing around on his ipad. Then again, it would be a totally different story if he is talking to that girl constantly on it, then i would be telling you to be far more weary of whats going on.
You are very young, you should be out enjoying yourselves, and that doesn't mean going to a nightclub or a bar, but even just to go out for a nice walk in the evenings, or a drive, the movies? or make plans for a day trip on a day ye both have off. Ye clearly need more alone time, than constantly being in the presence of your parents, as ye still are when your in your room together. Maybe sit down and talk to him about it all, like what he would like to do for example. It sounds to me that he is just looking for attention in a way and is growing fed up of the repetitive nature of your relationship. However, i am not saying that he is definitely not cheating, i am only going by what you have said. If you believe that he really does fancy her, then maybe a more serious talk is necessary.

Merkin

You have to listen to your gut. If you feel it's not going well then it most probably isn't. To be honest with you, every evening watching TV with the parentals can't be fun for anyone so it may be that the relationship is stale and needs a good kick up the arse. I get that you might want to stay in but it can't be much fun for him watching Corrie day in day out with your parents. No wonder he's on his ipad.

What about your sex life? You don't mention how that is. I ask because if it's not happening in that department then it's normally symptomatic of all not being well. It may well be that he fancies this other girl, who's to say. If you want to save the relationship you're going to need to start communicating which at the moment doesn't seem to be happening at all.

Aug23

OP here again, thanks for yer replies. I agree completely about the going out together... Thing is I'm holding down two jobs and am simply wrecked all the time... My other job is hit and miss. Sometimes I'm free all weekend, other weekends I'm gone for the whole weekend.. And don't know if I'm working till during the week... It's v hard for us to plan anything. But I do understand what you are saying.

Our sex life is ok.. We don't do it very often.. I suppose the fact that we both live with our parents puts a halt to it

Big Bag of Chips

If you feel it's gone a bit stale, then he probably feels that too.

You need to talk to him. You've said you don't want to do much in the evenings because you're too tired, but you need to make some effort. Sitting at home watching telly with your parents isn't good for you.

If you can sit at home watching telly, can you sit in the cinema? Or the pub for an hour? Etc.

It sounds like you're blaming him a little, but he's the one coming over to you.... to sit on your couch watching telly or sit on your bed watching telly?


It is gone stale... So now you need to freshen it up a bit. If you don't, then he can't!

dannyc31

yes OP you are gonna have to start mixing it up or this relationship could be doomed. could you not go over to his house instead a few of the nights? why you have to sit in the same room as the parents anyway is beyond me. i wouldnt be very happy if i had to sit there with my girlfriend and her parents. sure how can you have girlfriend/boyfriend banter with each other with your parents in the room?

this relationship is gone stale and him being on the ipad or talking to some other girl is his first attempts at escapism. the ipad is just the symptom not the problem, the stale relationship is the problem. i feel for you having to work 2 jobs, i dont know honestly how you could maintain any relationship with those sort of commitments. what are the reasons for you having to work 2 jobs especially since you are living at home? could you not give one up and have more time to do fun things with your boyfriend?

anyway either way you should face reality and be the first to bring it up with him. he's probably been thinking the same thing all along but very rarely is a man gonna do the "we need to talk" first.

hope things work out, but if not you are still very young. if you're gonna be in a relationship at your age, they should be fun things and not routine boring things day in day out.