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Sounds sad but I have no friends

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  • 15-01-2013 9:22pm
    #1
    CheekyChappy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36 ✭


    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate

    To be brutally honest - if you outright refuse to join any clubs or groups then I'm not quite sure what else to advise but I'll try.

    Is there a hobby you could do? anything at all?

    Are you in college?
    do you work?
    Could you do some voluntary work?
    What about meetup.com -
    http://www.meetup.com/New-and-not-so-new-in-Cork/
    http://www.meetup.com/The-cork-social-club/
    What about gaycork.com - they have regular meetings
    What about UP Cork - http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?maincontentid=8525

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #3
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate

    TBH that's a bit of a hypocritical statement. How do you think you'll meet people? Out of thin air? If you have time to spend with friends when you make them, you have time for a hobby group. A lot of groups or clubs meet once a week for maybe 2 hours. Friends probably actually take up more time than that.

    OP I get that you're upset and lonely, but you have to put yourself out there if youw ant to make friends. The friends I have I have met through school, work, and the groups and hobbies I have.


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    #4
    CheekyChappy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36 ✭CheekyChappy


    The thing is I don't really have any hobbies. I don't like sport the only thing I really do like is music, listening to it that is


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    #5
    CheekyChappy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36 ✭CheekyChappy


    To baby and crumble. That UP belong to group is full of ***** and I'm not joking its the worst group anyone could join the people that attend are all jumped up ***** that think they're better than you, I've been to it before and didn't bother going back


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    #6
    KDII
    Registered Users Posts: 202 ✭✭KDII


    You don't mention whether you're in college or working or whatever. After school, making friends is one of those things that requires conscious effort and energy. I don't mean to sound condescending, and I'm not even that much older than you (I'm 22), but I think you're going to have to make it a priority to get out and meet new people if, as you say, it's bothering you.

    You posted here, so I'm assuming you want to meet gay people? You should definitely look into the links posted above.

    Failing that, I hear things like tag rugby are a great way of meeting people. Not super sporty but still sociable and you're getting out. I've never been able to commit to stuff like this because I work messy shift work.


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    #7
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    To baby and crumble. That UP belong to group is full of ***** and I'm not joking its the worst group anyone could join the people that attend are all jumped up ***** that think they're better than you, I've been to it before and didn't bother going back

    Perhaps it isn't for you but if you give up on a group after 1 visit then you are making things harder for yourself.
    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    The thing is I don't really have any hobbies. I don't like sport the only thing I really do like is music, listening to it that is
    Maybe have a think about what hobby you might like to do.
    Is there night classes you could goto? are you in college? do you work?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #8
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    To baby and crumble. That UP belong to group is full of ***** and I'm not joking its the worst group anyone could join the people that attend are all jumped up ***** that think they're better than you, I've been to it before and didn't bother going back

    Whoa whoa whoa. Why is that aimed at me? Why the aggression?

    Look, I run the risk of being rude and unhelpful here but with that attitude no wonder you're finding it difficult. You have to try a few things if you want to meet people. You can't expect them to fall into your lap.


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    #9
    CheekyChappy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36 ✭CheekyChappy


    Oh no baby and crumble i was only replying to your post about the list of groups you gave. I was just saying what I thought about that group wasn't being aggressive towards you at all. Sorry if it came across that way, I'm a genuinely nice guy


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    #10
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Oh no baby and crumble i was only replying to your post about the list of groups you gave. I was just saying what I thought about that group wasn't being aggressive towards you at all. Sorry if it came across that way, I'm a genuinely nice guy

    I put the list up. I can see why B and C thought you came across slightly agressive.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #11
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Oh no baby and crumble i was only replying to your post about the list of groups you gave. I was just saying what I thought about that group wasn't being aggressive towards you at all. Sorry if it came across that way, I'm a genuinely nice guy

    That's cool, but it wasn't me, as Mango has pointed out. Thanks for apologising though. I still think you need to open yourself up to trying new things and joining a group or something. Once you leave school you have to make a conscious effort to make friends. The advantage of joining a group is that you know the others in the group are open to making new friends. So it's far less intimidating.


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    #12
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Think you might need a bit of tough love OP.

    Have you given any particular thought to why you don't have any friends and whether this is anything you are doing, or failing to do, that has prevented you from making or sustaining friendships?

    Because ultimately that's what you will have to work on to remedy to address the problem.

    I don't mean to be rude, but from your posts to date, I could make a guess that your attitude or willingness to make a bit of effort is what's holding you back.

    It can be hard, and a bit scary, to put yourself out there and force yourself to meet new people. But many of us have had to do it, especially when trying to get to other LGBT people, and we can tell you that ultimately it's very rewarding and gets very easy with practice.

    But unless you are willing to make some adjustments, not much is likely to change.


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    #13
    niamh_eile
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭niamh_eile


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate

    Have the same problem as you. I also have no friends. A few contacts and acquaintances but that's about it. I lost all my school friends in my mid teens because I changed schools and because I felt so uncomfortable because of my trans issues (I'm MTF and changing schools and dealing with the self-realization that I was female without any support from family or friends was so hard) I never made any new ones, not in school or in college.

    It can be very tough and lonely. Personally, for me, it doesn't help that my gender is female but I present as male (because I haven't transitioned yet, totally broke and in a relationship, mid-way through a college course, trying to have kids etc.) so women are only interested in me as a mate (why else do guys hang out with women if they're not gay) and guys don't like me because I make them feel comfortable (I'm too feminine).

    Okay, sorry for talking about me but just thought I'd say that so you wouldn't feel like you're the only one. I'm also from Cork but I don't live there anymore.


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    #14
    Cosmic Maybe
    Registered Users Posts: 203 ✭✭Cosmic Maybe


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate

    I completely get where you're coming from! I think I'm probably in a similar position in that I'm not out to any of my friends or family (although I would really like to I just haven't worked up the courage yet). I think some of the groups that other posters have mentioned are really hard to break into. I tried BelongTo once but didn't like it. Everyone there was so comfortable with themselves that it kind of made me feel a bit awkward, I suppose it would be like going to football for beginners and finding out that everyone else was on the Man Utd team, if you know what I mean. Even ignoring that we had nothing in common except that everybody there was gay, bi etc.


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    #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    The thing is I don't really have any hobbies. I don't like sport the only thing I really do like is music, listening to it that is

    Not having any hobbies could be part of the issue. It is not a hard and fast rule but if you have no interests you likely are not interesting. Friends are not like appliances that you get in when you need them - one has to have something to give in return.

    What it sounds like you need to do is stop worrying about the friends thing entirely and engage in a more "self discovery" journey. Find out what you can get out of life more than sitting around listening to music.

    There is a social version of just about any hobby or enjoyment however. From listening to music to any other activity - if you can do it alone you can do it with others too. If you like playing music then jamming sessions exist. If you like learning a foreign language then discussion groups exist.

    I for example met my girlfriends because I too like listening to music. I made a point of going to the forums of the websites of the musicians and bands that I enjoy and being the one to organize the “pre gig meetups” in a bar near the venue before a show. Over time I became a member of, or even the center of, the social circles that were related to the music I liked and from there I met the girls and have been in a relationship with them ever since.


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    #16
    Soldering_Iorn
    Registered Users Posts: 169 ✭✭Soldering_Iorn


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    Well here goes, I have no friends. I'm 20 and from Cork and I'm gay. I hate being alone and having no one to go out with to a club or whatever. Wish I had just one or two friends that I could go out with and things. Would also be nice to have people to talk to. And I don't mean to be rude but like I don't really fancy joining any groups or clubs cos tbh I don't have the time.

    I have time for friends and stuff though, if I had some.

    Help! I'm desperate

    What occupies your time? Do you work, study?

    Surely it's not listening to music? If it's work, college etc. there are obviously people there to socialise and make friends with.

    Maybe an option would be to move from where you are living at the moment to somewhere busier like Cork, Dublin City. Living out of your comfort zone you will have no option but to get out there and meet others. Although this does require having the drive and motivation just to go for it, which I'm not sure you have.

    You say you're desperate, if you are desperate enough you will MAKE the effort!


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    #17
    DipStick McSwindler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭DipStick McSwindler


    This post has been deleted.


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    #18
    qwertypop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88 ✭✭qwertypop


    Hi op

    Been there done that wore the tee shirt.

    I often get like that. Being a lad and trying to make friends can be way harder than a girl. Lads can be very funny who they hang with. But one of the posters said something very true. .;.…… making friends just doesn't happen you have to make it happen. I like being able to hang with friends but also like to be able to switch off and spend quality time just by myself. But I always make sure to make time for friends etc.
    I'm not too far from cork if you want to chat sometimes


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    #19
    wonderfulname
    Registered Users Posts: 3,943 ✭✭✭wonderfulname


    CheekyChappy wrote: »
    The thing is I don't really have any hobbies. I don't like sport the only thing I really do like is music, listening to it that is

    I missed this statement, you should go to gigs! By which I mean pub and diy gigs, it doesn't have to be an expensive hobby. Check out the music forums on boards and keep an eye out in your local area for posters and that, loads of people go to gigs alone and unless you actively try not to you should meet lots of people.


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    #20
    barney4001
    Registered Users Posts: 1,447 ✭✭✭barney4001


    get up get out and enjoy yourself


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    #21
    poppie1
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭poppie1


    I completely understand. I am in the same boat. It's hard. Don't know how to make new friends. I have joined different things over past few years but no joy. Your not the only one who feels like that


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    #22
    playedalive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭playedalive


    Dude. All I can say is put yourself out there. I know how you're feeling though. My childhood friends were very homophobic and immature. So I needed to break away from them.

    Now, I have good friends in different places. Get involved in college. Even move into a shared apartment. Do a summer internship. Make it happen.


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