Terrified of brushes with authority. Why?

LegacyUser

Why, why, why do I act so irrationally any time I have a brush with authority?

I'm a grown man with a massive education (PhD and beyond). I've done everything "right" in life and lived by the rules, but I respect those who make a stand in life much more than I respect those who toe the line.

Yet any time a garda stops me, I shake with nerves (I have no criminal record at all and have never been in court). I was doing an exam a while ago and, even though I did nothing wrong, I was really nervous when questioned by a mere invigilator about something connected with the exam. In fact, I couldn't think straight. Usually, I actually perspire. Wtf.

I'm awful when anybody with authority approaches me, yet - and this is the odd bit - I am certain that on a matter of principle I'd be willing to lay down my life. I'd handle the politics entirely wrongly, but once I have a conviction (as in belief) I will follow it.

But why, why, why do I get nervous on mere questioning by an authority figure? I am mortified at the thought of public humiliation. Is it a sign of perfectionism to keep a clean record? Is it that I'm so determined to do well I fear anybody with power who could undermine all my work? Really, it's just odd to me.

Would anybody have any tips on how I could get a bigger perspective on this and calm down when talking with such people?

Roisy7

I think perhaps you have to delve deeper in your past to find out why. Were your parents authoritarian? Did you have a bad experience with a teacher, or indeed, a guard when you were a kid?

Did your parents threaten you with the guards if you misbehaved? Years ago, I heard of a couple who told their child repeatedly that the guards would take her away if she misbehaved. It was highly irresponsible as the child was terrified of gardai. If she was lost or in a similar situation, she wouldn't have been able to approach a garda.

We all get the guilty feeling meeting a garda, especially the more law-abiding you are! However, I think you need to actually realise that they are doing a job, that they are just human beings like anyone else. I'm friendly with a guard and she's just another person going through life like we all are.

Stench Blossoms

This used to happen me a lot but the more dealings I had with them (not that I'm a criminal or anything, just I tend to get stopped a lot in my car) the more I calmed down.

I still think I've got cocaine hidden up my bum every time I go through the airport, though

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

looksee

If it is a real problem for you you might have to get some professional help, but if its just an inconvenience then use your imagination.

You must be an authority figure to someone, in some way? Think about how you feel about them and apply it to yourself.

Imagine the garda in his casual clothes, with his feet up, having a beer. He's just an ordinary person, he happens to have a job that requires him to deal with the public in an authority position.

Consciously relax, and smile when dealing with people, not so it looks as though you are mocking or being smart, but you are being pleasant and co-operative.

At what stage does service become authority in your mind? You would be ok with a shop assistant, say? A barman? A door security person, a train ticket collector? Most people in 'authority' are there to facilitate you in having a secure and civilised lifestyle, they are doing you a service.

skyfall2012

I found this site that talks about this exact problem. Here is an extract from it:

"A fear of authority is when somebody feels very anxious when dealing with a boss at work, or with someone else they see as an authority figure. It is common to feel some degree of apprehension in the face of authority, but for some people this feeling becomes overwhelming and they may show all the signs of anxiety, such as palpitations, sweating and an upset stomach. If a person recognizes that this fear has become a problem which is blighting his life, perhaps even preventing his progress at work, he should take steps to address it."

Read more: How to Overcome Fear of Authority | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_7289242_overcome-fear-authority.html#ixzz2IE3LDj9K

ifElseThen

When it comes to the Gardai, remember that it is you paying their wages. Remember the Gardai are there to serve you, not to exert authority over you.

araic88

ifElseThen wrote: »

When it comes to the Gardai, remember that it is you paying their wages. Remember the Gardai are there to serve you, not to exert authority over you.

I don't envy gardai sometimes!!

ifElseThen

araic88 wrote: »

I don't envy gardai sometimes!!

I don't say that as a person who has a dislike of the Gardai. They do a good job for no thanks. But I do remember that as a tax payer, I contribute towards their having a job and that they are there to serve the public, not to exert authority or power.

In the context of having an irrational fear of authority, it might help the OP to project this thought and realise that having nothing to hide, he has nothing to fear when he encounters a garda. That if he has nothing to hide, then a garda is there to serve him and that as a taxpayer her is paying towards that service.

She Who Dares Wins

I agree with the others who suggest that there's something in the psyche that has you reacting this way. The fact that you've taken your education to PhD level might be indicative too that you have an all or nothing perfectionist mentality and if that was challenged then it would be a threat to your view of what and how you should be. It very likely did come from early messages or dealings with adults or your need to please.

As for the Gardai, like every other aspect of life there are some who are gobs***es on a power trip but most are doing a job to earn a living like the rest of us. I have several friends who are gardai and all perfectly normal and reasonable people who could identify for you their colleagues who are not.