Bizarre internet dating thing - help me understand

LegacyUser

Ok, some background, met a guy December 12 months ago, great fun, great guy - but his family had a bit of trauma and he very honestly bowed out to focus on that as it was far to time and energy consuming to juggle with a relationship - we stayed friends and had a kind of agreement to give things a shot in the future if circumstances improved. We had never really met eachother's friends and families, it just never got off the ground. So, he came back about a month ago and as his family situation has improved he's really been making an effort to see me as much as he can, I've wanted to take it slow and we've only had one kiss - we're much more about having fun and chats than "kissing and stuff" anyway but like, we have slept together in the past and I thought we were heading toward that again slowly but surely.

So....my friend signed up for internet dating and last night texted me a picture of a nice guy she was chatting too........and it was my guy. Like seriously, this guy is so busy training and working he hardly has time to see me - I was so shocked. So, I said nothing, felt a little sick and uninterested in communicating with him anymore - but, my friend replied to his message on the dating site telling him what had happened.

I got a very long email/explanation during the night - massive apologies - his friends set the profile up, he only logged on to delete it then sent one message to a girl I just happened to know.....I know the all the info on the profile was bull, different age, birthday, job, hair colour etc. So, I'm not sure what he was at.

He said it was boredom, curiousity etc. Speaking as someone who *knows* him I really feel like he has to be telling the truth because he is a very caring and genuine guy in lots of ways - but it seems a little far fetched too. Do people just sign up to these sites for harmless messing? his last message to my friend on the dating site was "I'll tell you about my job on our date!" so, it sort of feels like he wanted to act on it.

I found it hard to reply to his email as I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. One the one hand it was lovely to read such a nice email finally telling me how he feels about me, but on the other hand...he was asking someone else out last night? Any ideas?

CaraMay

Run like the wind. Actions speak much louder than words and my guess us this guy is a player. Are you sure he isn't married or with a girlfriend? His friend didn't set up the profile - come on... He is filling you full of rubbish. Cut contact and move on.

judgefudge

This sounds so dodgy OP. I would run away fast. You slept together and then he had "family stuff", which could have been anything, a wife, girlfriend etc?

Then you discover he's on a dating site sending his photo out to girls willy nilly and talking bout dating your friend. You would be absolutely crazy to believe a word this guy says.

bakergirl91

Hey op. Leg it. Seriously, if he was just being nice responding to your friend on the dating website before deleting the account he would have never said something like that...... that is, unless ye are not exclusive ? Although, judging by the information you gave, it sounded like ye were serious about each other..... he sounds like an excellent liar, poses the question of what else he could be hiding..... your better off without him

Stavro Mueller

It's not bizarre at all - you and your friend have had a lucky escape here. You can't see it of course because you fancy this guy but most of us would find it hard not to reach the same conclusion. That this guy is an accomplished liar and he has been caught rotten this time. Do you really know anything about him at all?

In your post you wrote "Like seriously, this guy is so busy training and working he hardly has time to see me - I was so shocked". Can you really say for definite, hand on heart that this is true? We're going into guessing territory here but for all you know, he has a wife/girlfriend/other women on the go. I'm sure he was busy alright but not in the way you think

Merkin

drivenbananas wrote: »

I found it hard to reply to his email as I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. One the one hand it was lovely to read such a nice email finally telling me how he feels about me, but on the other hand...he was asking someone else out last night? Any ideas?

I'm not being harsh here but the naivety in your post is shocking. This guy is a liar and a time-waster and has been caught with his hands in the cookie jar and yet you're still wondering what's going on? Seriously? :eek: It should be as plain as the nose on your face that he's a knob on an ego trip who wants to lead you a merry dance (and any other girl who'll agree to go on a date with him). Tell him to fcuk off and not to contact you again.

castle

Looks like he just keeping his options open ,can't really see the issue tbh you are not going steady just getting to know one another, can you honestly say if you where out with friends and a guy you thought was really cute started chatting you up,What would you do remember I mean at this moment not down the line when you serious etc but right now,
Give him a break there are worst things

DeltaWhite

You need to step back here, and imagine one of your close friends was in this exact situation.. what would you tell him/her to do?

My advice is... he's a liar. He will promise the sun, moon and stars and you will fall for it and believe it!

So here's your options:

1. Run. And do not look back.
2. Continue to communicate with him and be fed more lies and have your heart broken time and time again.

kiffer

He's going for damage control.
Maybe his friends did set up the account, it does happen, make an account stick your mates photo on it and then have a laugh about it.
There was a run of lads posting terrible pictures to that beautiful people website and then slagging them when they didn't get in.
Anyway, even if they did make the profile *he* did contact other women with it...
The question then is how much of a problem is this?

Mansized Wreath

OP, run away,seriously. You deserve better than that idiot. Go do something fun for yourself,drinks with friends and let your hair down or whatever, just forget about this jackass and if he contacts you again tell him to leg it.

Neyite

OP, lets assume for a moment that his (quite frankly ludicrous) explanation is the truth, and his friend did set it up for a laugh, and he just sent messages and photos to online women for a laugh.

Does that sound like a nice guy? Signing up to a dating site to take the piss out of genuine users? To maybe have someone get interested in return only for it to be a big bloody laugh for him. Is it not a bit insulting that he messaged your friend for kicks, that he was wasting her time and laughing at her behind her back then?

So, he is either a liar or a troll. Either way, why would you want to be with someone like that? I'd cut contact if I were you.