Falling in love too easy

LegacyUser

As the title says i have a serious problem with falling for any attractive girl that shows me the slightest bit of interest. All it ever leads to is heartbreak when things don't work out, which is stupid because in most cases its with someone who i'm only getting to know so it shouldn't effect me the way it does. How can i toughen up so that i don't get hurt so easily?

folamh

Being ultra-receptive to signs of interest is a sign of low self-esteem. This can be a very deep-rooted pathology which goes back to your childhood. Perhaps you were put down a lot or didn't get the affection you desired as a child, so now you get attached to women who show the slightest sign of affection. You idealize them to make sense of this.

Recognising the irrationality of these feelings is the first step. Every time you find yourself falling for a woman, stop and consider how you might be idealizing her. How much do you actually know about her, and is it likely that your infatuation will dissipate with time? Meditate on the reasons why you are so receptive to her affection in the first place. This should at least put your feelings in a new perspective for you.

Would I be right to say that, due to your low self-esteem, you find it hard to "be yourself" around these women? This probably has to do with why it never works out: meaningful connections cannot be built on superficiality. You need to build up your self-esteem such you don't crave validation from other people. Try to de-prioritize their role in your life and learn to be okay with yourself. When you are more comfortable with who you are, your true self will shine through (to use a lame metaphor). That is what's needed to build genuine, meaningful relationships.

LegacyUser

folamh wrote: »

Being ultra-receptive to signs of interest is a sign of low self-esteem. This can be a very deep-rooted pathology which goes back to your childhood. Perhaps you were put down a lot or didn't get the affection you desired as a child, so now you get attached to women who show the slightest sign of affection. You idealize them to make sense of this.

Recognising the irrationality of these feelings is the first step. Every time you find yourself falling for a woman, stop and consider how you might be idealizing her. How much do you actually know about her, and is it likely that your infatuation will dissipate with time? Meditate on the reasons why you are so receptive to her affection in the first place. This should at least put your feelings in a new perspective for you.

Would I be right to say that, due to your low self-esteem, you find it hard to "be yourself" around these women? This probably has to do with why it never works out: meaningful connections cannot be built on superficiality. You need to build up your self-esteem such you don't crave validation from other people. Try to de-prioritize their role in your life and learn to be okay with yourself. When you are more comfortable with who you are, your true self will shine through (to use a lame metaphor). That is what's needed to build genuine, meaningful relationships.

Thanks for taking the time to write such a great reply, you are correct on the self esteem issue, i have really low self esteem, in fact the only time in my life that i have had confidence and felt what i imagine normal to be is when i was in a relationship. I suppose thats the problem.

As for been myself, thats a tough one to answer, been myself on a date would mean been a depressed, negative person with no confidence so i always fake it and try and be confident. It works most of the time.

Its annoying when you realise your thoughts and actions are ridiculous but you still feel bad because of them. I think i'm just going to bite the bullet and see a councillor to sort out my self esteem issues although know me i'll probably fall in love with her too

LegacyUser

folamh wrote: »

Being ultra-receptive to signs of interest is a sign of low self-esteem. This can be a very deep-rooted pathology which goes back to your childhood. Perhaps you were put down a lot or didn't get the affection you desired as a child, so now you get attached to women who show the slightest sign of affection. You idealize them to make sense of this.

Recognising the irrationality of these feelings is the first step. Every time you find yourself falling for a woman, stop and consider how you might be idealizing her. How much do you actually know about her, and is it likely that your infatuation will dissipate with time? Meditate on the reasons why you are so receptive to her affection in the first place. This should at least put your feelings in a new perspective for you.

Would I be right to say that, due to your low self-esteem, you find it hard to "be yourself" around these women? This probably has to do with why it never works out: meaningful connections cannot be built on superficiality. You need to build up your self-esteem such you don't crave validation from other people. Try to de-prioritize their role in your life and learn to be okay with yourself. When you are more comfortable with who you are, your true self will shine through (to use a lame metaphor). That is what's needed to build genuine, meaningful relationships.

Thanks for taking the time to write such a great reply, you are correct on the self esteem issue, i have really low self esteem, in fact the only time in my life that i have had confidence and felt what i imagine normal to be is when i was in a relationship. I suppose thats the problem.

As for been myself, thats a tough one to answer, been myself on a date would mean been a depressed, negative person with no confidence so i always fake it and try and be confident. It works most of the time.

Its annoying when you realise your thoughts and actions are ridiculous but you still feel bad because of them. I think i'm just going to bite the bullet and see a councillor to sort out my self esteem issues although knowing me i'll probably fall in love with her too