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5 years on.

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  • 14-01-2013 4:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Without going into all the she said this and I said that stuff, let me just summarise that I've been to the high court multiple times to become legally separated and to obtain court orders regarding access and maintenance. Legal costs are huge and the case still creeps along without any formal end in sight. I've become so disappointed at the length of time this is taking and the delays that are coming from the other side. I can see this never being resolved and it's getting me down. I'm hopeful that another member will demonstrate their timelines to divorce. I'm into my fifth year, and really hate living like this.


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    #2
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    Nearly every person in our situation thinks to themselves "will this ever end ?" . In my own e case often at 3 am lying awake worrying . With 5 years of legal wrangle on the clock you are well entitled to ask yourself this !
    Please bear in mind your ex probably feels the same way ! Only on third reading of your post could I tell what sex you are and that kinda proves my point . While often it's the woman who still wants ties to maintain financial support I can't imagine she wants one court appearance after another especially five years on ! She may be holding out for your means to change (an inheritance perhaps ?) but what unites you both (other than your children hopefully) is wanting some certainty so you can both get on with your lives .
    I'm not divorced yet (legally separated though - yay !) but even if I was my timeline probably wouldn't help you . Every case is different . Once you have a separation date though the clock is ticking and she cant hold out forever . Keep remembering though that she isn't enjoying it either and wants to settle the same as you . You'll probably reply that she is enjoying it - she isn't - she's just a better actor than you .
    Finally you give no details of the disagreements that are holding things up (that's fair enough btw ) but its a fair bet that money or property is the stumbling block . Your choice may be as simple as settling or fighting on . Maybe pick one and stick to it ?


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    #3
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    I never even thought of that angle sffc. Maybe its not uncommon for spouses to delay things in order to get a slice of inheritance from the other side, I think it's a horrible thing to do. If you're no longer going to be married to that person, what gives anyone the right to more of their money? It's beyond me.


    OP, I know you're incredibly frustrated, and I am too. I think anybody going through a judicial separation will tell you the exact same thing. Is there a particular element of the separation that is holding it all up? Is mediation out of the question? The road would be so much smoother if you could both agree on things.

    I just want to get on with my life and finally break ties, I have better days and I have the bad days about it. We don't have any choice other than either try come to an agreement with the other side or just ride it out.


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    #4
    howamidifferent
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭howamidifferent


    Just to let you know that I initially applied and got a judicial seperation and later a divorce. The seperation took 4 years to complete and the divorce a further 2 years. The reason was that my ex-wife NEVER appeared at any court sitting and every time the case was called it was put back by each judge to allow her to appear and present her case. She simply did not engage AT ALL and so it dragged out and out. So, "I said, she said" isnt necessarily the only way to delay the process. Non engagement cost me six years of delay and misery. :(

    However that was over 11 years ago now and life hugely improved once past that stage. :)


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    #5
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    howamidifferent wrote: »
    Just to let you know that I initially applied and got a judicial seperation and later a divorce. The seperation took 4 years to complete and the divorce a further 2 years. The reason was that my ex-wife NEVER appeared at any court sitting and every time the case was called it was put back by each judge to allow her to appear and present her case. She simply did not engage AT ALL and so it dragged out and out. So, "I said, she said" isnt necessarily the only way to delay the process. Non engagement cost me six years of delay and misery. :(

    However that was over 11 years ago now and life hugely improved once past that stage. :)

    This mirrors advice I got which basically said that the other side can delay divorce by various means (orders of discovery, no shows - disagreements on dates of initial separation etc ) however two years is a informal maximum that this carry on is allowed to continue .


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