Is it possible for complete U Turn?

LegacyUser

Broke up with my boyfriend 5 months ago. When we met first of course had discussed kids, He wanted them, I did too, I always have. Forward 18 months after and he turns to me and says he's been thinking about the whole children thing and doesn't feel like he wants the responsibility of children and doesn't see having a family in his future. I of course was heartbroken but stayed with him in the hope that somewhere he may change his mind. Living in hope I guess. Anyway 6 months after that, Last August, i decided I couldn't stay in a relationship if there was no future, he hadn't changed his mind and was very insistent on the matter, So i moved out and cried and cried and eventually I stopped crying and felt I could move forward and be happy with out him.
Last week got a text saying he wanted to meet. I met him after few day. (curious) and it turns out he wants it all now. With me, Wants what I want and it's the only thing that will make him happy. Im quite dubious about it all but he does seem like he is fairly certain about thinks in his head. Says he has done a lot of thinking and soul searching in last few months.
My question is, Is it possible for one to change their mind willy nilly about something so important? i have known my whole life i want children. How could he not know for sure for sure. Has anything like this ever happened anyone and has it worked out?
i should add everything else in relationship was perfect. It was this one thing, A big huge thing, deal breaker thing. We're both in our 30's too if that helps.
Any advice appreciated, Thanks

daisybelle2008

OP, I do believe that it is possible to have complete U-turns on something like this. Not everyone is clear cut on whether they want kids or not. It sounds like he has genuinely done a lot of soul searching on the issue. You say the relationship was good other than that. I think you may still be reeling a little from his turnabouts, but they may be a little harder to understand for you as the issue has always been clear cut for you. I think this may be an opportunity for your relationship to be stronger than ever if you can try to move forward.
He has done soul searching and split up while he came to terms with how he feels and realised what he wants. I am sure it was not easy for him but it does sound like he is more clear now. What is your gut feeling (putting aside the breakup and looking forward?)

judgefudge

Hey OP. not sure if I have any decent advice just wanted to say that many people don't know what they want. You may have known all your life that you want kids but it's not the same for everyone. I change my mind every six months I'd say. I genuinely don't know.

Saying that I can see why it would worry you that he could flip on this subject again.

catallus

Only you and him can know if he genuinely has done all the soul-searching and thinking he needs to do; if has really decided that he wants to have a family with you then you should be able to sense it. I'm saying that to qualify my answer to your question; My question is, Is it possible for one to change their mind willy nilly about something so important? i have known my whole life i want children. How could he not know for sure for sure.

A lot of men don't have the family and babies thing on their radar at all. It might sound silly but at the start of your relationship if you were to crack open up his head and look inside you'd find a whole bunch of stuff, but thoughts about babies wouldn't be there in any recognisable form, certainly nothing so concrete as you say you have. He may have had ephemeral pipe-dreams, maybe a hazy image of the distant future involving a non-descript little-person, but nothing more. This is just normal guy brain stuff, and it applies to all men who live and breathe... every single last one of them! So yes it is possible for him change his mind about something that important because it wasn't an important part of his future plans. That might sound weird to you but it sounds to me like you ending it with him made it come to the fore in his thoughts and hence the soul-searching.

I know that's only a small part of the puzzle but if everything else in the relationship was perfect and he genuinely feels different now then I don't think you need to second guess his motives.

What I think you do need to do is trust your gut feeling, (as said above). If you think he's just horny and is saying whatever it takes then you need to do some soul-searching of your own.

CaraMay

Yeah it can happen. Happened to a friend of mine and her now hubby is a doting dad to their daughter.

I would give it a go but not with plans on the long finger. You would need timescales you both agree on.

sherbett32

Hi there, I think that it is possible for a person to change his mind. However I think you're right to be a little bit cautious too.

Have you discussed when this is going to happen? I'd be a little wary if he says it is something he want "sometime in the future" without any definite timeframe.