What to do??

25

Ok so i just found out my girlfriend is ten weeks pregnant with her ex boyfriends baby last week.
She broke up with her ex boyfriend to be with me about 6 weeks ago.

She said she's going to go back to him because it would be best for the child...

A few days ago she went to hospital because she was in a lot of pain and she found out the baby died inside her...

She met up with me the next day and said she was kinda happy about it because she was able to stay with me and didn't have to go back to him...
The next day she went to the hospital for a follow up check up and they said she had twins and only one baby died,

They didn't see it from the the first two ultra sounds, (Apparently this is common)

So now she back to square one about going back to him...
She has told me that she doesn't know if she wants to get an abortion or keep the baby and keeps asking me what she should do...

If she keeps it she'll go back to him if she gets an abortion she'll stay with me.
Obviously i don't want to tell her to have an abortion just to stay with me but im not sure what i should say to her?

Should i leave her go back to him?
She says theres no way she'd stay with me if she keeps it no matter what i say.
She said she would feel too guilty being with me when she's carrying someone else's child.

We both work together and she is 22 and i am 25


Please if anyone could give us any advice it would be greatly appreciated
Also feel free to ask for more information as i typed this pretty quickly and i am sure i left a few things out.

Holsten

Wow... serious situation there.

If it was me I'd leave no matter what she decided to do, you're only 25 like!

Why would you want to A. Raise another mans child, or B. Stay with a woman who is willing to drop you that quick?

I don't think you should really have an input if she has the child or not, that should be between her and the father only.

IrishEyes19

sorry but I think she's being incredibly selfish. yes its a difficult time for her. losing a baby and the worry it brings in having a baby. but she doesnt seem incredibly cut up about it. do you really want to be with someone who is choosing a partner solely on what suits her and would be easier for her. Im not trying to be blunt but many people have had other relationships in difficult circumstances. no its not easy but she doesnt sound like someone who loves or cares about you.

do you really want to be trapped at 25 with someone who cares very little. I also think its absolutely none of your concern to help decide on whether she aborts or not. what a terrible thing to make you decide on. it doesnt matter whether someone is pro life or not. its her choice, but can you guarantee that you wouldnt break up in the future and she would throw it back in your face that you were party to it. Just be careful. I find her situation very odd. Is life really that simple that you could be given an ultimatim, that if she stays with you, its abortion and if not, she's keeping it.

event

you're only going out 6 weeks.
Drop her and walk away

25

So you really think i should forget about her?
I've told her i don't know if she could afford to have a baby on a waitresses salary...

CaraMay

Op how long will you be living there for? I remember another post from you about moving away for a year. If you are only there got a while its not right to plan long term with this girl. She needs to make her own choices.

Merkin

Be thankful the baby (if it exists at all) is not yours and get away from this relationship as it will inevitably end in tears.. The situation must be upsetting but the fact she dropped her boyfriend like a hot snot for you and is now willing to do the same to you while trying to hold you culpable on whether she should abort the baby is fcuked up beyond belief.You're 25 and you're dating her a wet weekend, save yourself a load of grief and tell her you want no involvement with her or the decision making process, she sounds extremely selfish and fickle and not like someone you'd want to be with in the first place.

finipops

Get out of there! What you wrote in your message sickens me, and i ain't even going out with the girl! Drop her and move on.

crazygeryy

your only 25.your life changes beyond belief when kids come into it. if she keeps telling you she's leaving you for him with what seems like no consideration for you then. GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE

Boombastic

25 wrote: »

So you really think i should forget about her?
I've told her i don't know if she could afford to have a baby on a waitresses salary...

OP to be blunt about it, it's not your place to tell her to keep/abort the child. That is between her and the childs father. I can see you being blamed for whatever choice she makes, so if I was you I would stay out of it.

I agree with other posters, run fast.

movingsucks

She was happy when she thought her baby died so she could be with you...
25, why are you even questioning this? Dump her, dump her now.
She needs to figure herself out.

Stavro Mueller

This is baggage central and a situation you would be insane to tie yourself up with. You're only going out with her a wet week and you're still only getting to know her. And you can read into things whatever way you want about her having sex with her ex until quite late in that relationship.

It is not your decision to make regarding the abortion. Nor should you go there because you're potentially leaving yourself open to being blamed either way if things go pear-shaped. If you feel you need to tell her something, point her in the direction of Positive Options (a crisis pregnancy service) and leave it at that. It has nothing to do with you at all and don't even try to offer any opinions.

Edit: If you're not living in Ireland, my point stays the same. Point her in the direction of a crisis pregnancy agency. They're the people best equipped to help women with crisis pregnancies.

LegacyUser

Be thankful it isn't yours, just move on now and put this one down to experience. You'll be better off in the long run.

Lots of fellas get taken for a ride in situations like this, you're lucky your'e not trapped into raising/paying money for another man's kid. She could have just as easily told you it was yours.

Hopefully this'll teach you to think twice before becoming involved with a girl who has issues and baggage.

Stavro Mueller

I forgot to add that it's very unfair of her to be landing you in this quandary. She is prepared to drop you to go back to her ex - hmm.

If not, you're faced with two unpleasant choices

1. Having to raise another bloke's child and having him in your lives (assuming you and her stay together). If she decides to keep the baby, you're not going to have much time to enjoy yourselves as a couple before the pregnancy really gets a hold. Then when junior comes along, you can say goodbye to life as you knew it. Most couples are happy to do this because they want the kids and are prepared to make the many many sacrifices involved in parenthood.

2. Being responsible, directly or indirectly, for an abortion. Which she says she wants to have so she can stay with you. That is a desperately unfair and selfish thing for her to foist onto you. Not to mention her abdicating responsibility.

Both of these are a no-win situation from your point of view. And all for someone you're barely going out with an in a relationship which might not even last any length of time. It's heavy sh"t as they say and if you have any sense you should get out of there now.