Simple question, simple advice required please!

pm123

I'm in college and there's this girl in one of my lecture groups and she seems lovely and she's gorgeous, and she has noticed me a few times I'm sure - I'm in one of her tutorials so we've seen each other around, but have never spoken. She has other friends, etc... Is it possible to just go up and ask her to hang out with me or is that weird? I can't really get that close with her because I know none of her friends and there's no 'link' to her if you know what I mean... Don't know what to do. Really want to make something out of this... Advice/help?

afterglow

pm123 wrote: »

I'm in college and there's this girl in one of my lecture groups and she seems lovely and she's gorgeous, and she has noticed me a few times I'm sure - I'm in one of her tutorials so we've seen each other around, but have never spoken. She has other friends, etc... Is it possible to just go up and ask her to hang out with me or is that weird? I can't really get that close with her because I know none of her friends and there's no 'link' to her if you know what I mean... Don't know what to do. Really want to make something out of this... Advice/help?[/Quote)
Hi PM123
I'd say yep, just go up and ask her if she wants to go grab a coffee, or some kind of drink to start with. If you don't want to do that, ask her like you said, if she just wants to hang out, sure the worst thing she can say is she's busy or maybe no, but at least you'll know then.
Very much hope it goes well for you

pm123

Thank you! I'm sure I'll never get the courage lol... I'm so nervous

Do people even do this type of thing though - someone they barely know and ask them out for a coffee? I mean you see it on TV in America all the time lol..but I'm so nervous of her saying WTF... :-/

judgefudge

Could you link it in somehow with the subject you study. I assume since you have tutorials and lectures with her you could? It might be a little Transition into hanging out? Like "wanna talk about ____ sometime over coffee"? Or even just to get chatting to her a bit until something naturally comes up that you could as her to hang out at?

Not that I think it's weird for you to just walk up and ask her out. I'm just thinking this way might make it easier for you

pm123

I could try that.. Thanks.. I'm hopeless

bakergirl91

Hey Op.

Firstly fair play ! I think definitely go for it, but maybe not just approach her out of the blue, but once you build up your familiarity with each other definitely ask her something to do something casual like a coffee or hanging out. If ye both go out etc and you see her, say hi ! then when you see her in class and the tutorial you could start building up the connection saying hi again etc and asking her how was her night and all that (its how the guys in my college do it and it works).

Best of Luck !

amacca

pm123 wrote: »

I could try that.. Thanks.. I'm hopeless

Take it from the guy who didn't ask because he was too shy and ended up regretting it.....you should go up and ask and find out

I found it exceptionally hard to do this kind of thing but with the benefit of hindsight I would have had a happier life and got on with things sooner if I had bit the bullet (i did have other problems like low self esteem, very introverted etc)

At the end of the day even flat out rejection with sneering etc (probably the worst possible scenario) is better than not doing it....if this does happen then while you may be momentarily put out but it will be over quick and strangely enough you wont be so put off that you wont try it again + you wont be wondering and kicking yourself + if she does behave this way (highly unlikely) then you will know she is not as nice as you thought

also the worst possible scenario as described above usually does not happen - it may be a no I have a boyfriend or an I'm not interested in so many words etc but you will feel better about yourself in the long run and be able to move on in the short term + improve how you talk to/introduce yourself to the next one......you don't do it...it affects you in the long run...and years from now you will wish you had and wonder what held you back

and theres also the possibility it will work out

best of luck in any event.............just be as calm as you can, make some eye contact, don't put her on a pedestal and chat normally...you wont regret it win, lose or draw

also what baker girl above said is a valid way to go and may even work better....just don't sit on your hands and not do anything about it and regret it later

pm123

Thanks a million, really appreciate your advice & time... I'm an extreme introvert, I never go out, I like my own company, but I'm really ready for this now I think and want to go for it but am nervous as I said... Will take the advice on board though.

amacca

pm123 wrote: »

Thanks a million, really appreciate your advice & time... I'm an extreme introvert, I never go out, I like my own company, but I'm really ready for this now I think and want to go for it but am nervous as I said... Will take the advice on board though.

good, now go for it and keep going for it.

Big Bag of Chips

If you've never spoken to her, and just walk up to her out of the blue and ask her out it might seem strange to her. She might say no, or she might say yes out of politeness so as not to offend you, but then spend her time trying to avoid bumping into you!

Not saying there's anything wrong with you, just people generally don't agree to go on dates with someone they've never spoken to.

Your better off trying to chat to her first. Maybe if you see her in the canteen, go over and ask can you sit with her/them. Maybe in class try sit near her and start up a conversation then.

Your best bet is probably the canteen first. Once you've broken the ice that way you can start to talk to her a bit more.

I just think it would be easier to ask can you join her for lunch than to ask her out!

Forever Hopeful

Op,
The worst thing she can say is no so go for it.
Don't worry a thing about it.
I got a taxi home one night and got chatting to the driver - youngish guy about my age. Dropped me to my door. Thought nothing of it. I woke the next morning to find he'd popped a note through my letterbox saying he enjoyed the chat and would I got out for dinner.
I wasn't interested in him but boy did I feel great that someone was that brave (I'm not!)
He left his number so I called him to say thanks but I am in a relationship and he said he's a lucky fella. Head nearly exploded after that.
You know what stood out? He was confident, gracious and nice that I thought maybe he could be someone I'd like.
Best of luck!

pm123

What an inspiring story thanks

AnonoBoy

Chat to the girl first before asking her out, even for a coffee.

Next time you're in a tutorial, try and strike up a conversation afterwards - make it about course work if that makes it easier for you. Ask her for the loan of a book/notes, just something to break the ice. Tell her your name, let her tell you hers.

Then the next time it'll be easier to chat. Soon you won't be nervous talking to her and it'll be much easier and less awkward to hang about or go for a coffee or a pint or something.

skyfall2012

Yeah, chat to her first, she might look good from a distance, but it might be a different story when you talk to her, she might have a terrible country accent or something:) (Just kidding, country folk, I am from the country myself).

I think you need to put some thought into what you might say to her, try sit next to her in your next tutorial and try make her laugh, joke about the subject you are studying or the lecturer or the college or life (think of joke in advance that is what Peter Kay does). Trust me if you can make her laugh your in. Good luck:)

blueyes12

Go for it, ask her for coffee and take it from there, women love a confident man

stop animal cruelty

Forever Hopeful wrote: »

Op,
The worst thing she can say is no so go for it.
Don't worry a thing about it.
I got a taxi home one night and got chatting to the driver - youngish guy about my age. Dropped me to my door. Thought nothing of it. I woke the next morning to find he'd popped a note through my letterbox saying he enjoyed the chat and would I got out for dinner.
I wasn't interested in him but boy did I feel great that someone was that brave (I'm not!)
He left his number so I called him to say thanks but I am in a relationship and he said he's a lucky fella. Head nearly exploded after that.
You know what stood out? He was confident, gracious and nice that I thought maybe he could be someone I'd like.
Best of luck!

aw that was sweet..what a brave guy! wish the taxi driver l fancy the pants off would do that for me :P

stop animal cruelty

go for it OP!

How bad if she says no, penlty more fish in the sea bla bla bla :P

Good luck

MaroonAndGreen

Dont wana burst the bubble in this thread but.......

I wouldnt just ask out of the blue OP or during your first time talking to her..

You will definetly have to talk to her a bit first I think before asking to go for a coffee etc..

Realistically, its rare enough that a girl would accept an offer like that out of the blue!

LegacyUser

Agree with the last poster, as much as the "carpe diem" approach seems exciting, asking her on a date out of the blue might be a bit uncomfortable, even if she does fancy you.

I would try to strike a conversation in class first, it can be something really silly as "do you have any notes from the previous class that I could take a look at?/did the teacher say when the exams will take place?" etc. Start with something trivial and move to open end questions, "what other modules are you taking this year? / Are you finding this module hard? Ahh, finally it's friday, any plans for the weekend" etc

After that, you could find an "excuse" to be in contact with her - borrow/return a book, offer to get her some computer program/app/film/hands-outs whatever, just so you could arrange to see her off class. This could be the best way to get her to get a coffee with you - "ah, I brought the book I mentioned, do you have classes at 11 tomorrow? Wanna grab a coffee and I give you the book?" I'd say try to keep it casual, as she will still be judging whether you are hitting on her or not, and whether she fancies you or not.

Also, if you could find out about her interests, and/or get her on facebook, you could come up with something more targeted to her interests and invite her for it - "there's this gig/film/exposition in town I'll be going, wanna join me? I have a spare ticket"

Just some ideas! Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, but I could not help replying to this as it speaks so much to my own experience back when I was in First Year in College in the late 90s. There was one girl in one of my tutorials who I really fancied. She even initiated the first conversation between us. There were a few bits of chat before each tutorial and the odd lecture if our paths crossed. I really wanted to say "How about coffee sometime?", but never had the courage to go through with it, something which still haunts me to this day. I looked her up on Facebook last year and that brought all the regret back.

Admittedly it is a different "me" now, but I cannot believe I didn't at least say something. Try to engage her in conversation to try to open things up and then perhaps mention a coffee? You never know what she might say and also, you might avoid thinking of "what might have been.." 15 years later.