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How do I take the first step

  • 10-01-2013 10:38am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi
    I'm really confused about how to go about moving on from my partner with our two small kids aged 3 years and 10 months. Or whether or not I'm making a big mistake.
    A bit of background information first might help:
    I've been with my partner 12 years, we bought our own home 7 years ago.
    We don't go out together as a couple, he never goes out at all in fact, he has no interest but I like to get out with my friends every few weeks, if only to one of their houses for a few drinks. The reason for this is that my partner and I just don't talk. We have nothing to say to each other. He sits in front of the tv all evening when he gets in from work. I usually play with the kids and make them laugh. He is no fun.
    I'm really considering leaving him because he acts like he hates me, never has any interest in my life, grumbles when I want to go out. I'm 35 and don't want to grow old with this man. I want to meet someone who I can talk to, laugh with and who loves me and I him. I don't love my partner.
    I have tried talking to him but he just ignores me or grunts at me. It's hard to get him to open up.
    It's such a dilemma, he is a great father, adores his children, is a great provider. We never have money worries with him. I work myself but only part time, thanks to his good wage. So this is another dilemma, how I would support myself and our kids.
    How would I go about moving out of our home? We have it on the market years and it won't sell so would I have to move out and rent somewhere while still paying for my half of the mortgage? I know he wouldn't go. Not if it was my choice to break up.
    I have told him I want to split up but he just rolls his eyes because he knows I won't go.
    I'm sorry if this post is long and confusing, my head is all over the place.
    Am I selfish for wanting to leave when he is so good to the children? Will it be tough on them going from two different homes?
    Then the really selfish part is, I don't want to be alone. I would rather stay with him than be on my own with two small children.
    Thanks for reading


Comments

  • #2
    kat.mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭kat.mac


    I'm sorry for your dilemma OP, it's a tough situation.

    I don't think it's selfish to want to leave. I always think that a bad relationship is better off ended, for everyone involved, including the kids. I say that based on growing up in a home with parents who just shouldn't have stayed together. There is nothing to say that he can't continue to be a great father if the two of you split up - I've seen it work very successfully on a joint custody basis, where both parents have the kids for some part of almost every day. However, I think it's important to exhaust every other option before taking that step.

    You say you've tried talking to him, and got no response. Maybe you could try what you did here, and write it all down for him? Perhaps it would be harder for him to ignore if it was all written down, in black and white. Then maybe ye can have the conversation ye need to have.

    Unfortunately, I don;t have any advice on what to do house/mortgage-wise, I am sure other posters will have experience in this area.

    All the best OP.


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