Out of a relationship what to do ??

PTH2009

ok so i broke up with my girlfriend after 17 months of going out together. I call her Ms Y

we had a fight back in febuary last and decided to get back together if i went out and got help for my anger,depressing issues. I did seek out help but it wasant working out with the doctors plus i had college and other pressures on me. We had some fun days and some bad days, im very paranoid and it didnt help that she was the kind of the person who didnt like to be clingy in public but when she was drunk she would chat with everyone and do all sort of ****.

I have a terrible eating and drinking habit which she hates according (but the way i eat and drink seemed normal to me) and personally i could not change it because its me. I dont eat that many vegtebles,fruit or big huge meals like that and she hated that. Im very pale and always look sick because of this (I got a blood test and it seems theres **** all wrong with my bloods). I just could not eat the way she liked and i frustrated me to here the critism and i just could not change my style.

I have a huge anger issue according to her, i dont like people abusing me whether its joking or not and cant handle a simple joke. Im with a counsuler about this but anger is a hard thing to manage (the sad thing i was just about to finish it up before this all happend).

I broke up with a friend about 3 years ago which was well documented on here lol and i got back into contact with her a few months back and we get on well and i started to ponder a future with her in my mind (although it wont happen because shes in a happy relationship and probly wont get back with me and i mite cause trouble if i started coming on to strong). Anyway nothing ever happend between me and that friend and we are on slight talking terms now.

I siad i dont want to be with anyone else to Ms Y (later on today i siad i was thinking of a future with someone else, nothing thinking before saying words). Ms Y siad she doesent want Kids or to get married. Thats something i do want to do.

Im 23 now and feel like i want to settle down, i believe i drank enough and done all i wanted to do in life.

I feel like **** now because im back single, lost a load of friends (the ex girlfriends) and im going to miss visting Ms Y house, texting her, messaging her,kissing, cuddling etc. Ms Y was my first girlfriend, i loved every mineate with her and now i will not see or hear from her again.

I knw the mistakes i made and my self esteem has took a huge blow. I just dont knw how to pick myself up or where to start.

Ps i got to a demanding nite of work after a break up so parding if i made a balls of explaing any of this.

ibarelycare

Oh my god, I remember your MANY threads a few years ago about the old friend. I think you two being back in touch is a terrible idea. I'm sorry OP but you have an obsession with her. You're pondering a future together, even though you have barely spoken to her in a few years AND she has a boyfriend. You call her your "ex" and say that she "probably won't get back with you"...of course she won't get back with you...you were never in a relationship with her. You even contradict yourself later in your post saying that Miss Y was your first girlfriend. You even told Miss Y that you were thinking of a future with someone else...no wonder she broke up with you.

You're only 23 and you're stressing about settling down and having kids. You're too young to be worrying about things like that. You have your whole life ahead of you. You need to learn to be happy and comfortable on your own and not rely on other people for happiness. You say in your post that you sought help but it didn't work out, and then later you mention that you are seeing a counsellor. So which is it? If you aren't seeing anyone at the moment I think it's vital that you do go and see one. You also need to cut contact with your old friend as being in touch with her is going to cause you nothing but misery and will possibly lead to her cutting you out again and then you will be suffering from months and months of guilt and self-hatred like you did before. I also think you should not be in contact with your ex girlfriend. You need to spend a lot of time working on yourself or you are never going to be happy.

LegacyUser

Your 23 and you think you've done all you wanted to do in life? Ah OP I find that so sad. I'm 10+years older then you and I still wake up every day thinking of what new things I should try and do before it's too late. I'm not trying to put down people whose goal in life is to have a quite life and family but it doesn't sound like thats really what you want OP more like what you think you should be aiming for for lack of anything else to do. Everything seems to be centered around being in a relationship and relying on other people to make you happy - try being single for a bit and focus on making yourself happy.

PTH2009

im starting to feel it now. My routine is gone, i want to talk to Miss Y. have to hide my phone so i wont call or text her.

I knw we wont get back together but i just want to be on good terms. My doctor told me to get back into contact but if i say it too her she will say im lying.

I just wasant able to change my eating habits and drinking habits (i cant help playing around with my food, chewing lodly and holding drink in my mouth for a long peroid). I have tried to change it but it never happend.

I just want to be happy. I knw if i she her in town shes going to be with a new guy.

Forever Hopeful

Op,
Can I ask are you living with family? Are you close to your parents?
The reason I ask is that I have read your posts and you sound like you could benefit from some guidance.
You are a very young guy and its saddening to read your posts when it's obvious you need some support.
A doctor is not telling you to contact this girl, you have indirectly admitted that its a lie.
You sound like a very confused and lost young man. We have all been there in our teens/ twenties. Please reach out to family and talk to them like you talk on boards and help them guide you.

Stavro Mueller

I remember your posts as well. As far as I can see, you really really need to work on some of the issues that you've outlined here. It's not your diet and the way you eat that you need to be worrying about. It's the paranoia, the clinginess, the anger issues etc. At this stage, I'm not convinced you should be seeking out the friendship of either of your exes. You see to have hinged far too much of your happiness on being with them. At this stage both of them have moved on and neither will be your girlfriend. I'm not sure you can handle the baggage of that.

I very strongly suggest you keep going to the counsellor and get as much help as you can to sort your issues. It's the oldest cliche in the book but you can't love other people until you love yourself.