Srs anyone feel tormented by girls?

EdenHazard

Honestly, I'm thinking of giving up with girls. Seriously me and girls just don't go hand in hand. When I'm out I don't pull, couldn't be further away from finding a girlfriend, girls that like me I have no interest in(Just don't feel that click and they are usually my sisters friends)

What can ya do? Anyone had times like this? Always envy those people who just seem to find it so easy. When I'm in the club and one of my friends pull I get so jealous, my mood changes so much. I just wanna get out of there ASAP.

When I see a girl I like, its like I'm thinking what's the point, she won't feel the same. I dunno what to do.

I need advice from elder statesmen. Sound brahs.

<Mod Note: As this has moved to PI the PI Charter now applies - please ensure you have read this before posting, if you cannot post inline with our charter then please do not post. - Taltos>

RoverZT

Practice makes perfect.

Go with your sister's friends, it's good experience.

Rud

Keep on trying and don't give up.There is nothing to lose.The more you practice,the more confidence builds and fear disappears.

Girls are going to turn you down,it happens.Just move on and keep on trying

Arawn

Tbh I find the more you try the less you get.

KERSPLAT!

I'm sure your mates get turned down as well, they probably don't let it bother them so much

sheikhnguyen

You can't always "click" with someone straight away, I would suggest you take the time to get to know them. You may find that they are actually very interesting or that you really like them once you spend a bit of quality time with them.
If you are looking for a relationship so try meeting women outside of clubs/pubs. I doubt your friends are having long term relationships with girls they "pull" in clubs

Do you have any interests of hobbies? If so join a club where you can meet girls who share your interests.

ahnowbrowncow

Sounds like you have the thinking about it too much syndrome.

I know fellas who are their normal selves around girls they aren't interested in but once there's a girl they are interested in they start thinking about it too much and become too self conscious.
It's an old cliche but be yourself.

Also if you're not in you can't win so even if you're snubbed by 9 girls in one night the tenth might be different. So go chat to girls, not with the aim of finding a girlfriend but just having a laugh with them which may then lead somewhere

D'Agger

Moved to Personal Issues from TGC

Scanlas The 2nd

Eden you aren't getting girls because of your behaviours and actions when you are out. Women generally speaking have metaphorical radars picking up on all the signals you give out and what that implies about you. Women are generally attracted to men who attract women easily.

Do you speak too fast? This signals you don't believe she will stick around to listen so you must not attract women in general.

Do you try to impress her? This signals you don't attract women.

Do you lean in when speaking to her? This signals want her to like you too badly and therefore you don't attract women usually.

Are you nervous? If you get women regularly you wouldn't be so nervous.

Are you serious or playful when first chatting?

Do you say um, uhh, you know or other filler words instead to full silence. This signals you are nervous and don't normally attract women like her.

Do you tease her or make her laugh at herself? This signals you do normally attract women like her.

Do you make fidgety non necessary movements?

Etc etc

Standman

I think I know how you feel. In my younger days I used to go to a lot of clubs with the sole purpose of getting drunk and trying to get a woman. This resulted in the vast majority of my nights out being dissapointing and ending up with me feeling like a useless b*stard. The problem is that most women know when a guy is trying to "pull" them in this way, and it's a complete turn off. You end up wanting it so much and women can sense that, it can make you seem desperate and it's unattractive.

Clubs are terrible places to meet members of the opposite sex in my opinion. They are overly sexed environments and there are usually more men than women, they are too loud so you can't even strike up a conversation, and most of the time everyone is too drunk. It's just a really bad atmosphere for this kind of thing I think.

Yea maybe it works for some but for me, my success with women went up drastically when I did two things; stopped going to clubs, and stopped going out with the sole purpose of "pulling" women. If you are going out, go to a place with music or an atmosphere that you like, whether there would be women there or not. Enjoy yourself, relax, meet some friends, have a laugh, get the focus off trying to bag a member of the opposite sex and onto just having a good time. When you realise that a night can be great without pulling a girl you get more comfortable in yourself when you are out, and you may find that the women will start to come to you!

Maybe you will even find you don't like going out that much, in that case it's time to get some new hobbies that don't revolve around alcohol and where you will be mixing with other people.

Anyway don't let it bother you too much, I think a lot of guys go through this and it's all part of the learning curve.

baby and crumble

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Eden you aren't getting girls because of your behaviours and actions when you are out. Women generally speaking have metaphorical radars picking up on all the signals you give out and what that implies about you. Women are generally attracted to men who attract women easily.

Do you speak too fast? This signals you don't believe she will stick around to listen so you must not attract women in general.

Do you try to impress her? This signals you don't attract women.

Do you lean in when speaking to her? This signals want her to like you too badly and therefore you don't attract women usually.

Are you nervous? If you get women regularly you wouldn't be so nervous.

Are you serious or playful when first chatting?

Do you say um, uhh, you know or other filler words instead to full silence. This signals you are nervous and don't normally attract women like her.

Do you tease her or make her laugh at herself? This signals you do normally attract women like her.

Do you make fidgety non necessary movements?

Etc etc

Not trying to be pernickity, but most of that seems a bit silly to me, particularly the bits i've bolded.

I'm honestly not sure where you're getting that all from. Seems a bit too pop psychology for me.

OP, you need to relax and stop thinking you have to go and 'pull' women. No-one I know, none of my friends are with people they met in pub or clubs. Everyone that is in a long standing relationship either met through a shared activity or mutual friends.

You need to cut out the negative thinking and treat girls normally. Don't go out thinking "i have to find a girlfriend". Just go out to meet nice people, full stop. I know its a cliche but it often happens you meet someone awesome when you least expect it.

Scanlas The 2nd

baby and crumble wrote: »

Not trying to be pernickity, but most of that seems a bit silly to me, particularly the bits i've bolded.

I'm honestly not sure where you're getting that all from. Seems a bit too pop psychology for me.

OP, you need to relax and stop thinking you have to go and 'pull' women. No-one I know, none of my friends are with people they met in pub or clubs. Everyone that is in a long standing relationship either met through a shared activity or mutual friends.

You need to cut out the negative thinking and treat girls normally. Don't go out thinking "i have to find a girlfriend". Just go out to meet nice people, full stop. I know its a cliche but it often happens you meet someone awesome when you least expect it.

Speaking as a man who has seen the difference in women's demeanour when leaning back compared to not, it is one of the first pieces of advice I'd give.

I think pubs and clubs are a great place to learn to get better with women as there are women everywhere in a sociable mood to practice talking to.

RubyWoo83

Whats the definition of madness?

Eden you just need to do something differently. Start chatting to girls you wouldn't normally go for. If nothing else comes of it it's a great way of meeting new friends. Go to different places than you usually would, chat to girls in the supermarket or wherever.

And maybe you should give up on trying to pull for a while! As much of a cliché as it sounds, something always comes along when you least expect it!

EdenHazard

RubyWoo83 wrote: »

Whats the definition of madness?

Eden you just need to do something differently. Start chatting to girls you wouldn't normally go for. If nothing else comes of it it's a great way of meeting new friends. Go to different places than you usually would, chat to girls in the supermarket or wherever.

And maybe you should give up on trying to pull for a while! As much of a cliché as it sounds, something always comes along when you least expect it!

What am I? Michael Bublé or something? Hahah

tony81

Hi Op, I think part of it comes down to the culture in (certain clicks, maybe, in) Ireland where girls can appear so fiercely independent and picky in their 20s (all swooning over a few fine specimens, or cocky guys who treat them like dirt)... and then once they hit 30 decide to lower their standards and go on a manhunt for a provider (in which case, you better have a good job, house and car).

I've a friend who moved to England and can't believe how sound the girls. I don't mean to tar everyone with the one brush. I just think there's something about the culture in Ireland. "Scanlas The 2nd"'s list just proves this.

RubyWoo83

EdenHazard wrote: »

What am I? Michael Bublé or something? Hahah

I've had guys chat me up in the supermarket, It's not that unheard of Honestly, a flirty remark around the melons can be a real ice breaker :pac:

tony81

RubyWoo83 wrote: »

I've had guys chat me up in the supermarket, It's not that unheard of Honestly, a flirty remark around the melons can be a real ice breaker :pac:

Who would have thought a remark like "that's a nice pair of melons" would pick you up a classy girl in the supermarket. We're talking tesco more so than M&S I assume?

Mr_Spaceman

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Eden you aren't getting girls because of your behaviours and actions when you are out. Women generally speaking have metaphorical radars picking up on all the signals you give out and what that implies about you. Women are generally attracted to men who attract women easily.

Do you speak too fast? This signals you don't believe she will stick around to listen so you must not attract women in general.

Do you try to impress her? This signals you don't attract women.

Do you lean in when speaking to her? This signals want her to like you too badly and therefore you don't attract women usually.

Are you nervous? If you get women regularly you wouldn't be so nervous.

Are you serious or playful when first chatting?

Do you say um, uhh, you know or other filler words instead to full silence. This signals you are nervous and don't normally attract women like her.

Do you tease her or make her laugh at herself? This signals you do normally attract women like her.

Do you make fidgety non necessary movements?

Etc etc

Jesus H Christ.

No wonder some guys (myself included) struggle with the ladies.

I'm not questioning you, incidentally, you're not wrong at all with your blunt assessment.

However, this, for instance is a classic case of being trapped in a vicious circle.

Are you nervous? If you get women regularly you wouldn't be so nervous.


It's a universal hard-wired truth that women are attracted to guys who are successful with women. It's as if they want to know 'what has this guy got that makes this girl mad for him?' kind of thing.

Every single guy I know says that when they are out with their gf, they get more attention from other girls, albeit very subtly. For the struggling single bloke this makes a situation more frustrating.

I used to feel like EdenHazard in terms of going to clubs with friends who were great with women.

So I removed myself from it. I simply don't do that sort of thing any more. Rather, do what works in an environment where you're comfortable.

At the end of the day, all you can do is just loosen up a bit, not give too much of a f-ck what others think about you.

Put yourself in the position of meeting more women.

Be more playful. Be less analytical.

Good luck.










... and one of these days I might even take my own advice

Mr_Spaceman

RubyWoo83 wrote: »

I've had guys chat me up in the supermarket, It's not that unheard of Honestly, a flirty remark around the melons can be a real ice breaker :pac:

I honestly thought this kind of thing only happened in movies and in America.

"Wow, you're buying the kiwi fruit because they're on special as well? Blueberries too? You love eating healthily? Me too. Let's date!"

I like the idea, but approaching an attractive woman (and there are lots of them where I live) fondling the fruit in my local Sainsbury's in the cold light of day scares me just a wee bit.

*sigh*

RubyWoo83

tony81 wrote: »

Who would have thought a remark like "that's a nice pair of melons" would pick you up a classy girl in the supermarket. We're talking tesco more so than M&S I assume?

No we're talking people with a sense of humour :rolleyes: Nothing to do with class at all.

RubyWoo83

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I honestly thought this kind of thing only happened in movies and in America.

"Wow, you're buying the kiwi fruit because they're on special as well? Blueberries too? You love eating healthily? Me too. Let's date!"

I like the idea, but approaching an attractive woman (and there are lots of them where I live) fondling the fruit in my local Sainsbury's in the cold light of day scares me just a wee bit.

*sigh*

You see that's a bit full on and wouldn't work, you'd just scare them off. It shouldn't be about getting a date straight off, and why would you want to date someone just based on seeing them? You should make conversation and get and idea of what a person is like then maybe ask them for their number. It's really about having good communication/conversational skills, start by saying they look familiar & asking have you met before and take it from there. Not really that hard.

I often chat to random people in the Supermarket, of both genders and wouldn't see it as any different to that.

LegacyUser

OP, I too felt the same feelings in my younger days. I decided that it would be best to stop worrying about it when I was 19 and just be myself. Should the right woman for me come along I will be able to attract her on my own accord instead of actively seeking her.

I have some abstract interests and find it hard to, for example, spend hours in front of the TV, go to the cinema, go to concerts etc as I find the whole thing a little boring. I have very different interests to the norm and I feel that a lot of potential partners would find me boring and quite simply hard-work after a while. However, since I started to be myself I have never went a month without finding someone very interested in me and in truth I have not been single for quite some time. The girls I get with share the same interests, personality and mentality and it means that we can really click straight away. I don't waste my time with anyone I feel will not be compatible and in truth I don't attract them anyway.

Once you can become comfortable in your own skin and relax a bit then you should start seeing results.

RubyWoo83 wrote: »

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<Mod Snip - this is not a discussion forum>

tony81 wrote: »

I've a friend who moved to England and can't believe how sound the girls. I don't mean to tar everyone with the one brush. I just think there's something about the culture in Ireland. "Scanlas The 2nd"'s list just proves this.

I lived in London for a while and met plenty of European girls. They were more open, less hostile, and in truth a lot easier to get with. This is not aimed as an indictment on Irish ladies, I think it just shows that not all men have the same tastes and don't attract the same partners. You may see this some day when you travel a bit.

Relax, be yourself, take your time and have fun!

Taltos

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Scanlas The 2nd

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Jesus H Christ.

No wonder some guys (myself included) struggle with the ladies.

I'm not questioning you, incidentally, you're not wrong at all with your blunt assessment.

However, this, for instance is a classic case of being trapped in a vicious circle.

Are you nervous? If you get women regularly you wouldn't be so nervous.


It's a universal hard-wired truth that women are attracted to guys who are successful with women. It's as if they want to know 'what has this guy got that makes this girl mad for him?' kind of thing.

Every single guy I know says that when they are out with their gf, they get more attention from other girls, albeit very subtly. For the struggling single bloke this makes a situation more frustrating.

I used to feel like EdenHazard in terms of going to clubs with friends who were great with women.

So I removed myself from it. I simply don't do that sort of thing any more. Rather, do what works in an environment where you're comfortable.

At the end of the day, all you can do is just loosen up a bit, not give too much of a f-ck what others think about you.

Put yourself in the position of meeting more women.

Be more playful. Be less analytical.

Good luck.










[SIZE="1"]... and one of these days I might even take my own advice
[/SIZE]

Personal growth in any area will never happen by staying in your comfort zone. There's no reason why you can't be good at getting women in pubs/clubs. Assuming you fall within reasonably normal bounds.

The more you approach women the less you fear approaching them over time.
No one would ever drive if they had the same attitude to driving as some do with women. At first it's scary and uncomfortable, but through practice that fear and anxiety disappears.

Monkey Allen

EdenHazard wrote: »

When I see a girl I like, its like I'm thinking what's the point, she won't feel the same. I dunno what to do.

This might be the answer. If you truly believe a girl is out of your league and you don't stand a chance, then you should have no problem talking to her. In fact, you should be able to do so without fear or nervousness. Treat women as fellow human beings first and then work on whether you are attracted to them or not later. Being attracted to someone because of how they look often (probably mostly) ends in disappointment. Think less of physical attraction until you get to know someone. Might sound difficult to do but it will relieve a lot of stress and vastly improve your social life.

wandatowell

EdenHazard wrote: »

When I see a girl I like, its like I'm thinking what's the point, she won't feel the same. I dunno what to do.
[/B]

I spent about 3 years being single, first year and a half was fine but then I started looking for someone and the longer it went on I was became very thoughtful of me not being with anyone and it played on my mind more and more. Like you this started to affect me when I went out with friends. Id notice it myself, I became quieter and slightly withdrawn. This alone was putting birds off.

All it took was me to just forget about looking for someone. When I went out it was just to have a laugh, be chatty and enjoy my time with friends. You'll find people with be drawn to you. Its to be as simple as that.

ironnike

Great thread. Thanks to you all for the advices