My friend just died

RobbieTheRobber

My friend died on Monday under very tragic circumstances.
As soon as I heard I did all I could be expected to do for his family, calling friends and offering what support I could.
I will be with them again today after work.

The dilemma for me is that I have a trip planned for me and my wife which we were due to fly away on tomorrow and the funeral wont be until Friday.

I cant delay the trip and I cant get a refund.
When i visited the family yesterday I didn't say anything to them about my trip (how could I).

The trip cost me quite a bit and I really think I would be foolish not to go.
Today I will pick up other friends of the deceased from the airport and they will be there to offer more support to the family.
So I guess I'm seeking some validation that I'm right and that its OK to go on this trip.
Im not religious nor was my friend, so the funeral will hold no special meaning to me and I think that with all that is going on the day I wont even be missed by the family(we never really knew each other during the guys life).

The thing is I'm worried that by not turning up I will in some way, make their grief worse which is that last thing I want to do.

I'm really torn on this issue, other friends who knew they guy are sayings its ok to go, but I just cant really make a decision on this one.
So other peoples opinions who are not associated would be welcome.

Starokan

That's a difficult one for you, firstly sorry to hear about your buddy.

I think you can go to be honest, you have been there for the family sympathised etc, the family will have so much going on that they will not notice especially if you dont know them well.

You can always call in again when your back and attend the months mind etc

Forever Hopeful

RobbieTheRobber wrote: »

My friend died on Monday under very tragic circumstances.
As soon as I heard I did all I could be expected to do for his family, calling friends and offering what support I could.
I will be with them again today after work.

The dilemma for me is that I have a trip planned for me and my wife which we were due to fly away on tomorrow and the funeral wont be until Friday.

I cant delay the trip and I cant get a refund.
When i visited the family yesterday I didn't say anything to them about my trip (how could I).

The trip cost me quite a bit and I really think I would be foolish not to go.
Today I will pick up other friends of the deceased from the airport and they will be there to offer more support to the family.
So I guess I'm seeking some validation that I'm right and that its OK to go on this trip.
Im not religious nor was my friend, so the funeral will hold no special meaning to me and I think that with all that is going on the day I wont even be missed by the family(we never really knew each other during the guys life).

The thing is I'm worried that by not turning up I will in some way, make their grief worse which is that last thing I want to do.

I'm really torn on this issue, other friends who knew they guy are sayings its ok to go, but I just cant really make a decision on this one.
So other peoples opinions who are not associated would be welcome.

Op,
So sorry to hear about your friend.
I would go on the trip, he would want you to.
Funerals are busy affairs and the family tends to be stronger with all the people around them.
It's the days, weeks, months after that matter as mourners move on but the family still coping with the loss
It's your support then that will matter.
If it was a family member then it would be a very different story obviously.

Merkin

Sorry about your friend. I think it's OK to go on your trip, any reasonable human being would understand and it sounds like you have been extremely supportive.

kat.mac

Hi OP,

First of all I'm sorry you've lost your friend.

I feel that you can head away on your trip, as long as you feel you wouldn't be missing out yourself by missing his funeral. As the previous poster said, it's after the funeral that people find the hardest and there will be plenty of support for the family on the day itself. I genuinely don't think you will make their grief any worse.

genie_us

Hi OP

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

I would also be of the opinion that you should go on the trip. I think with these sorts of dilemmas you know in your heart what is the right thing to do, and you'll know what your friend would have preferred you to do. I don't think it would be wrong to go.

Hope that helps with your decision...

RobbieTheRobber

Thanks a lot for the replies.

I just needed a few to agree that I wasn't doing something wrong.
Thanks.

Roisy7

OP these things happen and I believe your friend's family would understand your reasoning behind going on the trip. It's so close to time now and everything's booked. With funerals being so soon after death in Ireland it can be difficult to get time to go.

Perhaps you could send them a mass card (if they're religious) or write them a nice sympathy card. I think they would appreciate the thought.

Sorry to hear about your friend and best wishes to you.

Penn

Honestly, there'll probably be so many people at the funeral that they'll barely even see half the people there. I was at a funeral before Christmas and sympathised with the family afterwards. A few weeks later, I met one of the family who couldn't even remember if he'd seen me there, despite thanking me by name when I had been sympathising. The family will spend so long sympathising and shaking hands with everyone that for the most part, it'll seem like a blur to them.

I wouldn't worry about it. Like Roisy7 said, sending them a card or mass card or something would mean more to them in the long run.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Unregistered39

Go. And on the day of the funeral do something yourself to remember your friend. Maybe something he would have liked or light a candle/plant a tree wherever you're going. You could take photos or tell the family about it at some later stage (play that one by ear).

2rkehij30qtza5

OP I am sorry to hear about your friend.
I would go on the trip. I don't think any of his family would reasonably expect you to forfeit lots of money on a trip you had booked. As you say, a lot more family will be around later this week.
I would go on the trip and on the day of the funeral do something to remember your friend by.

Beruthiel

RobbieTheRobber wrote: »

Im not religious nor was my friend, so the funeral will hold no special meaning to me and I think that with all that is going on the day I wont even be missed by the family(we never really knew each other during the guys life).

And yet, you have helped them greatly over the last few days, you're friend would have been grateful for that.

You do not need to go to a funeral that has no meaning for you.
You have, and will, say goodbye to your friend in your own way, a way that he would understand.
Go on your trip and drink a glass of wine to his memory.

My sympathies and condolences on your loss Robbie.

Benny_Cake

Deepest sympathies on your loss.

I think in cases such as this your gut instinct is usually correct. Funerals, especially in tragic cases such as this are something of a blur to the family and they'll need your support far more after it in the weeks and months after it.

So I'd go, try to enjoy the trip and remember your buddy in your own way.