unapproachable boss!!!

cute6guru

Hi everyone. Need some advice. I started a new job in May 2012. I like the job etc. I found out last week Im pregnant! It wasnt planned!! My partner of 7 yrs is over the moon. Im not so happy as of yet as a million things are going through my head. How do I tell work. When do I tell them. And will this affect my future in thr company.... We live in Dublin and have our own house so are well settled. Any advice?

cute6guru

Also my boss is not the most approachable person to say the least. She can be quite moody and snappy with staff which makes it impossible to ever judge her mood.

TwoShedsJackson

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/leave_and_holidays/maternity_leave.html

Get all the info there. You can tell them whenever you like but must tell them at least a month in advance of when you are actually starting maternity leave. Most employees would tell far sooner though, both for courtesy to get a replacement, and because it will become obvious far sooner, most of the time.

Nody

TwoShedsJackson wrote: »

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/leave_and_holidays/maternity_leave.html

Get all the info there. You can tell them whenever you like but must tell them at least a month in advance of when you are actually starting maternity leave. Most employees would tell far sooner though, both for courtesy to get a replacement, and because it will become obvious far sooner, most of the time.

Had a collegue at work who commented to another member of the team "So when are you due as I see you've got a tummy" who was not pregnant so sort of maybe on that one :pac:.

As stated though approach your boss relatively soon and/or discuss it with HR (if you got such a function) first.

Neyite

Congratulations

As unapproachable as your boss may be, he would be an idiot if he kicked up about your pregnancy. You are well protected legally in this regard.

Its a personal preference. If you have a job that is physical or exposes you to potential harm (X-ray tech, chemicals etc) then you may wish to tell them as soon as you can. If you work in an office then there is probably no urgency.

Most people only announce their pregnancy outside of the family after 12 weeks. I was 16 weeks when I told work, as I was starting to show. I probably would have left it to 20 weeks otherwise.

You may find that its easier to let the rumour mill do it for you, by the time you confirm it, he might have already heard speculation through the grapevine. With my supervisor, this would have only aggravated her annoyance at the inconvenience of my pregnancy on the workplace so I told her first before anyone. But you know best.

You are entitled to go to ante-natal visits. As a courtesy to your employer (though you have no obligation) you could schedule them to have minimal impact. I used to queue for my 9am appointment from 7.40 as it meant I was one of the first to be seen and I'd be in work a lot sooner.

Also, before you announce it, check the staff handbook and ensure you have a copy of what the company maternity policy.

tatli_lokma

Due to the Maternity Protection Act and other protections against discrimination you cannot be sacked for being pregnant or for requesting maternity leave.

Having said that as you are there less than a year you can be let go with little or no reason. So an unscrupulous employer who got wind or had a good idea that you were pregnant (i.e mornign sickness can be a give away) and was unhappy about it, if they had not yet officially been informed, could engineer a method to get rid of you before officially being informed of your pregnancy. I don't want to scare you, and it is highly unlikely that it would happen, but if I were you I would be looking to advise them sooner rather than later, so that you have the protection of the Maternity act should any issues arise.

OP - how has your feedback been so far in the job? have you had any performance reviews etc, or do you have any lined up. If you have to date received positive feedback and this is documented, and say for example you have passed your probation, then this makes it very difficult for an employer to get rid of you once you advise them of your pregnancy - as doing so would clearly be seen as them only becoming dissatisfied with your once you informed them of the pregnancy. So if you have not yet had any reviews, I would strongly recommend you request one and get it documented. Equally if you have any emails which compliment your work, or if you have completed projects etc, have all this noted.

Honestly, from my experience, once someone cries 'pregnant' then most employers tend to be very careful and by the book in how they handle things so I doubt you have anything to worry about in terms of being sacked whilst pregnant. Realistically, any company who hires a woman of child bearing age has to allow for the possibility that they will need maternity leave - that cannot be avoided and I would think that the vast majority of employers are more than open to the prospect and won't have an issue with it. But I also think that forewarned is forearmed and if you give the impression that you know your rights, then people are less inclined to try and take advantage of a situation.

When you get back from maternity is another thing however. If a person is hired in as maternity cover while you are off, your job is more safe as it proves that the headcount is needed. If on the otherhand, they delegate your work to others and manage for 6 mths without you, then the question might be asked 'are you really needed?'. In my last job, over the space of 18 mths, 3 women who went on maternity leave (and who weren't replaced by maternity cover) all came back to face redundancy within 3 mths of their return (one got notification while she was actually still on maternity). So a lot will depend on the health of the company. My old company was already talking redundancies so it was no surprise to anyone that they chose the easy targets of the people who were off for 6mths and still the company managed.

I really don't mean to be a scare monger - I know being pregnant unexpectedly is scary enough without me freaking you out. My own cousin faced the same thing only last year - she was with the company only 9 mths when she got pregnant and the company she was with were already struggling so she was really worried about going on maternity for 6 mths. But in the end, her work ethic won out and when she returned they were delighted to have her back. So I suppose what I am saying is - be aware of what could happen in the worst case scenario and then do whatever you can to minimise the chances of this happening and then hope for the best.

At the end of the day, having a child on the way is a wonderful thing, and even if the job doesn't work out or even you decide you don't want to continue working once the baby is born, at the end of the day you will have a wonderful son or daughter and you will manage.

Also if there are already women in the company who have recently returned from maternity or if there is a large female workforce, again it is quite likely that they won't have an issue.

tatli_lokma

Also - as for telling your boss, I would also agree that it would probably be better coming from you than the rumour mill or by her figuring it out herself. I had a boss like her, one where you could never really tell if it was a good or a bad time to approach something. So usually if I had something to discuss with her I would nab her first thing Monday morning - before she even had a chance to open an email or get stressed out by anyone else. I also found that a cup of coffee and a biscuit in hand for her greatly helped when chatting to her.

cute6guru

Yes I passed my probation and my performance review a couple of months ago and have it in writing. Im just very stressed at the moment tbh. We had planned on having our wedding first before babies...I know that sounds very selfish and childish. Im pregnant in a stable relationship, have our own home and am lucky to be pregnant so many women have such terrible trouble but I cant help feeling blue about the whole situation.

Neyite

cute6guru wrote: »

Yes I passed my probation and my performance review a couple of months ago and have it in writing. Im just very stressed at the moment tbh. We had planned on having our wedding first before babies...I know that sounds very selfish and childish. Im pregnant in a stable relationship, have our own home and am lucky to be pregnant so many women have such terrible trouble but I cant help feeling blue about the whole situation.

Take into account your hormones will be all over the place at the moment. I used to call them Hormentals for this reason!

I would have preferred to be married too, but we decided due to my age to get cracking on our family and sort the legal stuff after. Now we have planned to get married after the last baby (and when I get skinneh again ) and I really like the idea that its not just a couple getting married, its a group marriage that will bind our little family together, and that the day will be about our children as well as us.

Take your time to adjust your thinking. Its such a life changing event. :)I was 2 years trying to get pregnant, and like I said needed fertility treatment and it still was a little shock to the system when I saw that pregnancy test - I did get a "Oh God, what have we done" moment.

tatli_lokma

cute6guru wrote: »

Yes I passed my probation and my performance review a couple of months ago and have it in writing. Im just very stressed at the moment tbh. We had planned on having our wedding first before babies...I know that sounds very selfish and childish. Im pregnant in a stable relationship, have our own home and am lucky to be pregnant so many women have such terrible trouble but I cant help feeling blue about the whole situation.

Nothing selfish about it, we all have plans for how life goes, and then, well life decides it knows better! as the old saying goes, Men plan and god laughs.

I fully understand your concerns. But now that you have said you passed probation and your performance review was good then I would stop worrying about it. Tell your boss as soon as you feel comfortable, but remembering that the sooner you tell her the sooner you are protected by the laws surrounding pregnancy and also from a H&S point of view it is a good idea to let people know sooner rather than later. Plus taking your boss 'into your confidence' might actually flatter them a little and if that fails, chocolate might help!

As Neyite says, showing that you are prepared to be flexible and cooperative with time off etc will work to your benefit. And no more can be expected of you than that.

Honestly, try not to stress too much as that will do neither you nor the baby any good and realistically it will probably affect your work too. Continue to do a good job until you leave for your maternity. Enjoy being pregnant and enjoy your new arrival when the time comes. Leave worry about your job and what might happen to the back of your mind as much as possible. You know the pit falls and risks - the best you can hope for is that if you continue to perform well then you have as much chance of a good future with the company as anyone.

Count your blessings - there are so many women who would give anything to be in your position, and work bedamned! You have a supportive partner and a baby on the way - all good things. so enjoy this time, it is a blessing. Do your best at work. Hope for the best and if the worst happens, you can deal with that when and if it happens. You can't predict these things. And you never know, you might not even want to return to work after the birth.

Best of luck, and I hope it all goes well for you.

cute6guru

I am all over the place at the mo. its just the two of us that know at the mo until I get my head around it. I had just always seen myself married, travelled etc beforehand. Im still only 27. If I was even a year into the job I wouldnt feel as shell shocked. Ill prob tell my employers around end of Feb/early March