Messed up my chance with girl of my dreams

CantThinkOfANam

Hi all,

First time posting about a relationship problem but I really need help & advice.

Met a beautiful girl through work last summer, she was mad about me and I was slow to pick up on it and out of shyness I always let her make the effort. She was head over heels for me and I didn't know it.

After about 2 months dating she left work and went home cos she missed her family (she's English but I work in England). We kept in contact and met up in London for a weekend in September. It was great. I told her I wanted to see her again.

In October I asked her where were we going with this and she said she doesn't want a long distance relationship, I said okay, whoever gets you will be a lucky man, bye. She said hey you sound like we'll never see each other again, I said I'll never have you in my arms again. she said never say never I might come back in January.

So we kept texting and sending kisses etc and she kept saying never say never.

A few days before Xmas she texted me saying how I should have asked her to stay and that she was so lucky to have met me in London and that she would see me in January.

Then on New Year's Day she changes her Facebook profile pic to her and a guy. I texted her asking if anything was going on an she said she was seeing him and that it was 3 months since we'd seen each other and that she said she didn't want a long term relationship and how I never put up a fight for her. I asked what did she mean by never say never and what was going to happen in January, she said she meant the future and she was coming to see me and her friends in January.

I was devastated and still am. Been the worst few days of my life. Sent her a long text pouring my heart out and told some really personal things. I've also sent her about 4/5 texts since then but she's not replying.

Can anybody take a guess as to what's going on in this girls head? What was the idea of texting me before Xmas saying those things? Where do I go from here? I guess I'll just have to let it go but I'm crazy about her and want to put up a fight and get her back.

Sorry for the long thread but I didn't want to leave anything out.

Thanks.

ash23

In my opinion - She liked you, she wanted to be with you but was unsure about having a long distance relationship. She said it to you, you basically said "goodbye and good luck". She was hoping you'd beg her to come back or you'd go to her. You didn't. She was planning on coming to visit in January and was probably anticipating something would happen between you two.
Then she met someone else who she liked and who wasn't long distance and who she could have a relationship with so she is now with him and is no longer interested in meeting up with you.

Sorry to say OP, but I think that ship has sailed. She has moved on.

CantThinkOfANam

Thanks for the reply. I agree with everything you have said except why was she texting me only days before Xmas saying those things if she has moved on?

To be honest it's the not replying to my texts which is making it so hard to move on. I even asked her if she wanted me to stop texting her.

Would it be too creepy to message her best friend who I met once?

ash23

CantThinkOfANam wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I agree with everything you have said except why was she texting me only days before Xmas saying those things if she has moved on?

She may have been trying to decide between you and him. But it seems she made her choice since and is reiterating it by not replying to you.

To be honest it's the not replying to my texts which is making it so hard to move on. I even asked her if she wanted me to stop texting her.

It's too little too late OP. You had every chance to tell her all those things but waited until someone else had shown an interest in her to do it. She knows how you feel and is choosing not to respond. Leave her be and deal with it without contacting her. You're only going to be embarrassed when you look back at constantly texting and begging her. You haven't seen her in 3 months so just let it go and move on from it.

Would it be too creepy to message her best friend who I met once?

Absolutely. Just leave it be now. You're only going to regret it if you keep at her. Contacting her friend that you barely know is way out of line.

cantdecide

OP, as far as I can see only one of two things has happened- she wanted you to fight for her while you were taking everything she was saying at face value. She took your lack of reaction at face value and simply moved on.

OR

She lead you on. The timing of everything and the nature of the interactions [as you perceive them] allowed you to believe the story wasn't over and it's possible that this has been an exercise in regaining control over your parting. This might sound paranoid but IME, this happens more regularly than it should.

The effect is the same either way- you must get over her and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but this one is a goner no matter what the reasons are. I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't let yourself down by trying to get answers from herself or her friends. Just dust yourself down as best you can, be good to yourself and give yourself time to move on.

CantThinkOfANam

Thanks for all the advice, it certainly makes it easier talking about it.

Just to update ye, she finally replied last night. She said she's annoyed that I'm only telling her now, when she's finally happy at home & happy with her new fella. She wants to come back for a night out with me & her friends but nothing is going to happen.

Well that's the end of that, time to move on.

Thanks again.

Lorna123

Why would this girl arrange to go back to her family which would mean leaving someone she was mad about. I don't understand that. She is now trying to blame you because she led you on and is now being found out. Just as you didn't try and stop her leaving 3 months ago, she didn't decide to stay either. So that is no argument for her to use against you now. She doesn't know what she wants but she would like to think that you are still mad about her and you are playing right into her hands. I would tell her to sling her hook that you won't be around in January when she comes back because if you meet up with her she will string you along even further.

HonorRoller

IME, when you really like someone you must go full throttle. There is no going back. When you think you want to do something give your 100%. I also lost a girl because I wasn't decisive enough because I was unsure. You could say I was also shy. I learned that girls like a firm and decisive man. They want to feel 'protection' from their man. It's okay, there are other fishes in the sea and hopefully maybe a bigger fish than the one that got away

Although, Lorna is right, this girl is stringing you along. I experienced the same thing with a another girl. I told her that I like her but turns out she has a bf. However, she strung me along and used me like a dog to carry stuff for her because she knows that I have feelings for her. I was so naive and infatuated....

aidan24326

OP, Lorna is right. You've been strung along here I'm afraid. Her saying you should have fought for her and all this stuff is bullsh1t. If she liked you that much and really wanted to be with you she wouldn't have left in the first place. She was the one who ran off yet she's putting the blame on you.

Don't meet up with her when she comes to visit, there is nothing to be gained from doing so and it will only wreck your head even more.

CantThinkOfANam

Yeah now that the hurt is changing to anger I do feel a bit led on.

I left one thing out though which could explain her actions, she's only 19!

I know she's a very kind girl so I don't think she done this on purpose, because of her age she probably wasn't sure what she was doing.

I don't think I will met her again as it will only be putting salt on the wound and I'd be afraid I'd make a pass at her due to the drinking.

Thanks again for the advice.

CantThinkOfANam

CantThinkOfANam wrote: »

Yeah now that the hurt is changing to anger I do feel a bit led on.

I left one thing out though which could explain her actions, she's only 19!

I know she's a very kind girl so I don't think she done this on purpose, because of her age she probably wasn't sure what she was doing.

I don't think I will met her again as it will only be putting salt on the wound and I'd be afraid I'd make a pass at her due to the drinking.

Thanks again for the advice.

Ahhh there you go. You never told us your own age OP but from her age i can tell you she isnt ready for anything serious. She needs time to grow up before getting involved in anything too full on.

Not so long ago i was dogged with depression about my ex thinking id never feel that way about anyone...but then another girl same age as myself started on my college course back in Sept and while im no where near even having the guts to ask her out i can tell you when i see her she has a bigger effect on me then my ex ever did. Now this could go one way or the other. If it doesnt succeed, then there is always special another girl not too far away. If it does then great.

My point is if you keep busy and get out and meet new people that there will always be a new girl waiting to be discovered.

Cut all ties with your ex and delete her facebook account. Dont meet up with her again. She is leading you on but she is immature. Find someone who is mature

CantThinkOfANam

Well one of my mates has shown me her twitter page and it seems she was going out with this guy 1 month after I met her in London. He's actually the same age as myself (26). I'm starting to cringe with embarrassment now, I shouldn't have acted the way I did, even the threads title is embarrassing lol. She's very young and probably just wanted a boyfriend bla bla.

tipp Gunner you've hit the nail on the head with ur last paragraph, she's just immature, but I don't blame her for that.

Going skiing next week so that should clear the system!!!

Ps This is a very good forum, I'll be checking in quiet frequently I reckon;)