Teacher crush innocent ???!!

cathy01

I just want to ask , my friends daughter has a huge crush on her teacher. Buying him a Xmas present.innocent enough , she's 16.now when I was in school and even when's eldest son was in school there where what I would call pervey teachers. I was talking to my friend and we where wondering how she should approach the subject .her daughter is in love , how can she be sure he's not a Pervy teacher .should she mention the crush at the next parent meeting ???

P. Breathnach

It is not rare that teenage girls have crushes on teachers. That includes girls of heterosexual orientation having crushes on female teachers.

It's a bit of a leap to think that the teacher might be perverted.

It would not do any harm to let the teacher know that the girl has a crush on him: it would give him fair warning not to let his professional boundaries slip.

LegacyUser

Hi there, i think it is quite normal for teenagers / schoolgirls to have crushes on teachers. They are teenagers and well they get a lot of crushes on a lot of people!

When i was at all girls school , the girls would swoon over certain male teachers, saying all sorts of things like he's so hot etc. its the same im sure at male schools, where the teenage boys fancy their school teacher.

I dont think there is any need to mention it at parent meeting honsestly, i think that would probably make the teacher worry unnecessarily. She gave him the present, its not like he gave her a present. i dont think she is in love , she has a teenage crush. Is there anything that the teacher did / said that makes your friend wary? If not I would suggest to leave it alone (imo)

King of Kings

P. Breathnach wrote: »

It would not do any harm to let the teacher know that the girl has a crush on him: it would give him fair warning not to let his professional boundaries slip.

I think a crush on a teacher is very common.

As a parent myself - I would NEVER EVER consider telling the teacher that.
Thats' a complete betrayal of the kid not to mention a ****ty thing to do.

Look the crush is prob innocent and there are not sex abusers hanging out at every corner waiting to pounch.

When i was a kid there were people with crushs - no parent was rushing to the school "warning" teachers to behave.

CaraMay

Just because he is a male teacher doesn't mean he is a pervert!!! Numbers of males entering the profession have dropped mainly due to attitudes like yours. How do you address it with him? You don't. Has he fine anything inappropriate? Assuming not then let him handle the many schoolgirl crushes he has to deal with on a daily basis. The more important question is how the mother is going to handle the child's sexuality if she has such an issue with a teacher crush?!?!?

Maybe the parenting forum will be if use to you.

P. Breathnach

P. Breathnach wrote: »

It is not rare that teenage girls have crushes on teachers. That includes girls of heterosexual orientation having crushes on female teachers.

It's a bit of a leap to think that the teacher might be perverted.

It would not do any harm to let the teacher know that the girl has a crush on him: it would give him fair warning not to let his professional boundaries slip.

How completely mortifying! You've obviously never been a teenage girl. I'd have dropped out of school or done something even more drastic if my mother had told one of my teachers I fancied them! It's also inappropriate and patronising to imply that he would be anything other than professional. Male teachers deal with this stuff all the time, it's part of the job.

P. Breathnach

P. Breathnach wrote: »

...
It would not do any harm to let the teacher know that the girl has a crush on him: it would give him fair warning not to let his professional boundaries slip.

Okay, I am persuaded that this is a bad idea, and withdraw the suggestion. Can we let that one rest?

Victor

The pupil oversteps boundaries makes you think the teacher is inappropriate?

Isn't that type of thinking distinctly warped?

Stavro Mueller

When I was in secondary school, one of the girls in my class developed a crush on one of our male teachers. He used to mock her which was quiet cruel I though. But then, he probably was sick to the back teeth of teenage girls and silly crushes :rolleyes:

I don't think any great fuss should be made of this. Teenage girls go through these phases where they think certain men are the bee's whiskers. I think just about every male teacher in my school was someone's object of desire for a short period of time before the girls in question decided they fancied someone else better. It's part and parcel of being a teenage girl for some.

I should think too that most male teachers have run into this problem at some stage. My teacher was at one end of the scale but my guess is that most of them are kinder to the girls in question and wait for their crush to fade.

cathy01

Thanks all I will go back to her and at least I have more knowledge to go by.i was just thinking back to when I was in school and well mr what ever his name is would give you a shoulder massage while he taught you what ever subject it was . Her mam is just concernd. To be honest I think the kid has her head screwed on right so i would have no concerns . Thanks all

skyfall2012

I had a male teacher that I had a crush on and the rest of the girls in the school, I'm sure. He was very sexy, not too much older than us, but he handled us well, like he would handle a bunch of boys. He always had a laugh, he made learning fun and he was always professional one of the best teachers in my all girl school.

Stavro Mueller

Shoulder massages are inappropriate (in my book anyway) but there's no evidence that this particular teacher has done anything out of the ordinary. I doubt very much that he'll want to put his job and reputation on the line by doing anything inappropriate.

Big Bag of Chips

And to my memory, any teachers that we did perceive as being 'pervy' were certainly never the object of crushes!!

It would be absolutely mortifying for the girl, if her mother brought this up at a parent teacher meeting. Chances are he has a fair idea, anyway.

She'd be better advised to talk to her daughter. Tell her it's ok for her to admire him, look up to him and enjoy his classes, but that he is her teacher and if he gives her praise or attention it is because it's his job!

She should only talk to her though if it becomes an issue, or if the daughter becomes inappropriate about the teacher. A Christmas present isn't over stepping the boundaries (assuming it wasn't underwear, or something?!)

For now I'd say nothing... And I certainly wouldn't lay blame at the feet of the teacher!

ted1

Wow, just wow.
If the sexes were reversed would you be asking this question?

cathy01

Of course why wouldn't I??

cathy01

Rethink don't let the limitation of your mind restrict mine

rainbowtrout

cathy01 wrote: »

I just want to ask , my friends daughter has a huge crush on her teacher. Buying him a Xmas present.innocent enough , she's 16.now when I was in school and even when's eldest son was in school there where what I would call pervey teachers. I was talking to my friend and we where wondering how she should approach the subject .her daughter is in love , how can she be sure he's not a Pervy teacher .should she mention the crush at the next parent meeting ???

No she shouldn't bring it up at a parent teacher meeting. School can be tough enough for teenagers without their parents making harder for them.

I'm really not happy with the inference that the teacher could be pervy because the daughter has a crush on him. I don't even see how you could make such an inference.

She's 16. She probably has crushes on lots of different men, some of them famous (and unattainable) and some of them closer to home like her teacher. If she's in an all girls school she may not know too many lads her own age and therefore is fixated on her teacher. It doesn't mean he's a pervert and it doesn't mean her mother should do anything about it in school.

She won't be the first student with a crush on her teacher and she won't be the last. The only thing her mother can do is explain to her daughter that the teacher will not respond, he is an adult, he is her teacher and he is there to teach her and nothing more.

I am a teacher (female) and if a parent came to me and told me their son had a crush on me, that would certainly make things more awkward. Not that I'd behave any differently than normal to them, but I would be aware that every word I said to that student may be picked up the wrong way. I'd prefer to be unaware and treat them the same as everyone else.

Neyite

I think that its the daughter that needs the chat here.

A harmless crush is one thing, but if the girl feels that she is truly in love, or begins to feel that there is more to innocent situations or gestures concerning this teacher then it could be very harmful for his career if rumours spread.

All it takes is a rumour that he is slightly reciprocal to her crush, to destroy a man's career he spent years and a fortune studying for.

She needs to know that under no circumstances is it appropriate for her to act on this crush, as she is likely too young to understand how far reaching something like an exaggerated brag to her mates could go.

I also think it is a sad refection of our society that a male in a professional role is automatically suspected as a pervert, when he has done absolutely nothing except his job, by the sounds of it. And I say that as someone who encountered a few lecherous auld fellas in my teens. Mud sticks.

username123

Neyite wrote: »

I also think it is a sad refection of our society that a male in a professional role is automatically suspected as a pervert, when he has done absolutely nothing except his job, by the sounds of it. And I say that as someone who encountered a few lecherous auld fellas in my teens. Mud sticks.

I agree. I am shocked that the automatic assumption when a teenage girl has a normal crush on a teacher, is that the teacher could be a "perve". I do not understand this kind of thinking. Surely if the man is a paedophile or a pederast, the fact of the crush is irrelevant? Surely if you suspect that a teacher in a school of children is a pervert then there are far more serious issues going on than a 16 year old having a crush on him? Why is this man being singled out as a potential pervert anyway? What has he done to deserve this massively serious accusation, one that could destroy his life completely? Please do not suggest this to the 16 year old, it would be horribly irresponsible and could ruin someones life. I am shocked at the casual accusation of such a serious offence.

cathy01

To be honest, I would have posted same question if Gender was reversed.Can I say the gender never came into it with me. I was thinking back to when I was a child and there was a pervy teacher.He was male, fact....

rainbowtrout

cathy01 wrote: »

To be honest, I would have posted same question if Gender was reversed.Can I say the gender never came into it with me. I was thinking back to when I was a child and there was a pervy teacher.He was male, fact....

But what has a pervy teacher got to do with this girl having a crush on a teacher? I don't see the connection. As another poster mentioned, if indeed a teacher was pervy in any way, that is the last teacher a student would have a crush on.

No more than if you were out in your local at the weekend and there was a guy in there who had a name for been hands on with a few pints in him, that is not the guy you fancy, that's the one you avoid like the plague.

I feel sorry for male teachers working these days having to put up with this sort of crap.

skyfall2012

rainbowtrout wrote: »

But what has a pervy teacher got to do with this girl having a crush on a teacher? I don't see the connection. As another poster mentioned, if indeed a teacher was pervy in any way, that is the last teacher a student would have a crush on.

No more than if you were out in your local at the weekend and there was a guy in there who had a name for been hands on with a few pints in him, that is not the guy you fancy, that's the one you avoid like the plague.

I feel sorry for male teachers working these days having to put up with this sort of crap.

I think the OP is probably thinking about the British teacher Mr Forrest who had run away to France with his 15 year old student this year. Follow the story here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9561168/Teenage-schoolgirl-15-runs-away-with-30-year-old-teacher.html

Anyhow it does happen, but very, very rarely and as previously stated I think the girl needs to be told that it is not a good idea to be giving her teacher gifts as it might make him feel awkward.

If the class was buying him a present for Christmas that is ok, if this girl was buying all her teachers Christmas presents maybe OK. But just him, might be putting him in a difficult situation. So somebody needs to explain to her that it may not be appropriate, for his sake.

cathy01

Can I just add my ow son is currently training to be a teacher.again it's not a gender thing.thanks all.i met her today for a cuppa and shared the advice I recieved.she won't talk to teacher and will talk to daughter.thanks all

Big Bag of Chips

There's nothing more to add then, OP, so we'll lock the thread.