Explaining about presents?

LegacyUser

Hello there,
Sorry I couldn't think of a better title for this but I'm wondering how do you explain to your kids why some children get more or less stuff than them?

I'll give an example, we have two children and so does my partner's brother. As a couple they've always been very competitive, I could write an essay but I won't.
Anyway I'll give one example to try and make my point, before Christmas my sister in law was telling me what she'd bought for Santa presents, lets say 4 toys each of various sizes. She asked me what I bought mine and I said three toys each of various sizes. They then bought the same toys for their kids.
Now what they spend on their kids is none of my business but it was blatantly obvious to my older child in particular when we visited that "Santa" had brought her cousins a lot more than her. Now thankfully there was so much going on I was able to brush it off.
However, my parents bought my children a biggish present between them , say a dollshouse, the cousins visited and they all had a great time playing with it.
Then the other day we called up for a visit and here were their children playing with the same dollhouse.
My child said something like "wow thats like mine" and my sister in law announced "oh yea they loved it so much we bought it in the sales".
Now, again, its their life, their kids, but how do I explain this to my kids? They're looking at me like I'm mean mammy. We're not stuck for cash but I'm trying to keep my kids from being spoiled, that's my choice.
I don't want to say anything bitchy about the cousins etc So any words of advice?
My daughter was looking at a toy this morning and she asked could she have it and I said no I felt like a huge bitch.
The kids are ranging in age from 2-5.
Thanks

Gurgle

Can't help, except to say get used to it.
It happens on everything from the tooth fairy (€1 per tooth, while their friends get €10) to dropping into Smyths to get a new toy every Saturday after Tesco because 'he was good'.

pwurple

It is going to happen for the rest of their lives... With people buying themselves new cars, bigger houses than them, new clothes. Some people are just more materialistic than others. So no harm getting used to it now. You are doing the right thing I think.

Kids have more cop on than we give them credit for. They will see those other children having no love for those toys shortly, and tossing things out, where yours will value theirs.

You can't buy their love or respect.

I wouldn't volunteer any explanation unless it is explicitly asked. Let them work it out themselves.

Janey_Mac

I seem to remember being told "different families spend their money on different things; we're saving money for you in the credit union instead of buying lots of toys." Might work depending on kids' ages. Or point out that you went on holiday or went out for a meal or spent the day at the zoo or whatever instead of buying more toys.

thesimpsons

Janey_Mac wrote: »

I seem to remember being told "different families spend their money on different things; we're saving money for you in the credit union instead of buying lots of toys." Might work depending on kids ages. Or point out that you went on holiday or went out for a meal or spent the day at the zoo or whatever instead of buying more toys.

same as this - we've done it for years with our kids and its always worked. Explain that you've got enough toys to play with and that if you get new stuff the whole time you don't appreciate getting stuff at birthdays and christmas. Its going to keep happening for years and years at home and school so might as well prepare them for it with a story that won't need to change over the years.

branners69

When my 6 year old started that comparison sh1t I showed her the sick kids in Temple Street on the TV and told her do you think they have everything they want. I told her to be grateful she is healthy and to be fair she must have felt a bit guilty as she asked to give some of her toys to the sick 'babas' which we dropped into the local St Vincent de Paul.

I would sooner my kids look at other kids who are less fortunate than them rather than looking at spoilt kids!

Daisy M

Janey-mac has given the right advice when your children ask you for something or compare what they have to their cousins. When it comes to santa claus you have learned your lesson do not tell your sister in law what you plan on buying in future and maybe visit before santa comes and keep away for a week or two afterwards.

James Jones

mean mammy wrote: »

before Christmas my sister in law was telling me what she'd bought for Santa presents, lets say 4 toys each of various sizes. She asked me what I bought mine and I said three toys each of various sizes. They then bought the same toys for their kids.

Next Christmas, tell her that you won €8,000 on the Lotto and that you're spending half on toys and then going to Disneyland for Christmas. This will result in

1. it not happening again and
2. the cousins having a fantastic Christmas.

ash23

I always say to my child that Santa takes the parents wishes into consideration when bringing presents. So, for example, when she wanted a phone from Santa and didn't get one but her classmate did, that was because Santa knew I didn't agree with her having a phone and so, he wouldn't bring one.

I also tell her that some parents don't mind their kids getting loads of gifts, but some think that getting too many isn't good in case they get spoiled and Santa knows this so won't go against the wishes of the parents.

Worked for me.

angeldaisy

We are having similar issues at the moment, my son is 7, I just tell him that sometimes if its something the child really wants and mummy and daddy are okay with it, they send santa some money to put towards the present.

How else can I explain that his cousin got an ipad, laptop and tv from her santa and he got skylanders?

Gurgle

angeldaisy wrote: »

they send santa some money to put towards the present.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that. We tell them we pay Santa for all the presents and he uses some of the money to go towards presents for poor children.

hoodwinked

to be honest my 3 year old was spoiled rotten with so many family members buying her toys weekly, with her being an only child i too adopted a "sure why not im only buying for 1 not two or three"

which a few months back hit me with the realisations when

a: A trip to Tesco resulted in €5 worth of shopping and a €20 toy.

and b: i noticed my daughter would play with a toy throw it away 5 minutes later and never touch it again and demand a new one next time we had to go to smyths or tescos.

so i stopped and we donated alot of her toys that weren't played with or used, we told family members to stop also, it was hard at first but she adapted, now we have a "wait until christmas/birthday" thing and the difference in her is remarkable.

Take comfort from the fact your children won't be like them, they will value their toys, at 3 and only a short few months later my daughter is more careful with her toys, and she values them and plays with what she has rather than asking for new stuff.

If your children do ask just tell them different families do things differently, point out differences not only with the cousins but other family's, tell them that buying toys doesn't determine how much you love them.

and remember children grow up, and yours will eventually understand the difference between them and their cousins, and will more than likely be thanking you for not spoiling them.