Mam thinks I'm a waster

Lunni

I just had a big fight with my mam and feeling so down.

She just expects so much of me and always has. Partly my fault for never being any trouble and being a responsible kid, I always felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Did very well at school, taught myself French and Spanish which I now speak well, got a good degree (paid for mostly myself, with loans and work), got a scholarship to do a Master's at a prestigious uni, got an internship at an EU institution. I've found it very hard to find a decent job, so got a TEFL qualification so I could at least work and earn money while I search for something else. I left Ireland several years ago because there were no jobs and have lived in several countries on my own, teaching English. I'm 27 and I really want to think about settling down, but I haven't had any luck yet getting a decent permanent position.

My mum was having a go at me for 'having no direction' and 'messing around'. I tried to explain that the economy is in a terrible state and it's so hard to get jobs these days but she just wouldn't listen. She told me she had bought a house and got married when she was my age...I asked how you're supposed to buy a house when you need 30+K for a deposit but she kept going on and on and not listening. Eventually I had had enough and told her that my friends' parents are really impressed that I've been employed and developing myself and my skills since the start of the recession, they always tell me my parents must be very proud. My mam said, 'yes, OK, I'm very proud' in a really condescending, sarcastic voice. I just got up and left in floods of tears.

How can I get through to my parents that things are much harder now? I really am doing my best. I really want to be successful and make good money. I don't want to be poor. It's just so, so hard starting from nothing. I graduated with student debt, still have loads to pay off, I don't have a car or anything, can't even drive, buy everything second hand. It's not as if I'm sitting at home waiting for jobs, I do try all the time even though I don't finish work most days until 10pm. Help!

Taltos

OP - why do you really care anymore?

Your mother is never going to change. From what you have written I am really impressed at what you have achieved. Your mother though? She grew up in a different time, ok if it was the 80's recession was a killer in the early years. But if after that, house prices were lower, I remember mid nineties houses in Tallaght going for 70k. There appeared to be a lot more jobs, though we did start to see a tapering off towards the end of the 90s in the manufacturing sector.

But look at your achievements, self-taught, a masters and having the confidence to travel and teach English. All of these are experiences that really add to your saleability to a potential employer. I know things are tough in Ireland right now - but even if they weren't are you sure you want to settle here with a house? If you do - then maybe talk to some career coaches, get some practical advice on how best to market your various skills or consider some different career.

However, I don't think your future career or where you live is the real issue here. I think it is how you allow your mother's comments to influence how you feel about yourself. You might need to have a chat with her and tell her that you are very happy with your life and that her comments aren't all that helpful or welcome or just ignore her when she starts. Don't get drawn into an argument, worst case just leave the room or change the topic, hopefully she will soon get bored.

Dark Phoenix

I'd agree with the good advice given above. From the sounds of it your mum is still living in an era where the most important goals in life were getting married, having a family and having a house. Those were her goals and values not yours. Its quite sad and unfair that those are still the things some people will measure value or success of other people by but you can't always change someones point of view.

You have been employed and travelling the world fair play to you sounds like you have had a great education and experiences. Why should you prefer to switch that to be skrimping and saving to afford a deposit on a house that the bank will own for the next 30 years and that you can fret and worry about how to afford a mortgage on while losing your freedom to travel? if its what you wanted, great go for it but from your post its not what you want at all and is what your mum wants (and I'd wonder who does she want it for? you or her)

What I love about the time we live in is that we are transitioning slowly (thank god!!) into a society where its okay not to follow the old pattern of grown up, find spouse, buy house, have kids. Finally we are starting to realise its okay to do what you want to do in life, to follow the career path you want, to decide you don't want to get married or don't want to have kids, to rent or own a house etc. if your mum starts on at you why not refuse to argue? With most people that annoys them because they rely on their ability to upset you so in doing so you stay calm and in control and if they want to get stroppy and make a show of themselves let them on.

Its up to you and not anyone else to decide what you value in life and what you want. Its not up to anyone else to decide what should make you happy. Its up to them to respect your decision.

skyfall2012

Hi OP, I think your mother might be jealous of you, it is not uncommon. But when the neighbours are praising your acheivements, it is only natural that a mother should be proud and agree.

You need to ask yourself this question, do you think you were such a high achiever because you were always looking for your mothers approval or love and never seem to be able to make her say 'well done I am proud of you'? If this is the case you need to realise that no matter what you do you will never make her say it.

I know this might be hard to hear and I hope I am wrong and that she just doesn't realise things are different now than they were when she was young. But if I am right then you need to step back emotionally from your mother's comments and realise that she has always done this and will always do this. You need to make yourself more emotional independent of her.

I would recommend getting a self help book that deals with emotional manipulation from a parent. Because when we tell people to cut a friend loose because they are toxic to the individual, that is a lot easier to do than to ask someone to detach from their mother and what you need is a book with the tools on how to deal with her effectively, so that she is not breaking you down emotionally and destroying your confidence anymore. Good luck OP.

Lorna123

My God, you really have done well for yourself considering how hard it is to get jobs these days. I think you are GREAT.

I would say that your Mom just thought that you needed a shove in the right direction because she knows you have talent. She was misguided though. What a pity. Could you write to her explaining what you just said here and I bet she will eat humble pie.

Sometimes the connection between parents and children is not the best but I can tell you outstraight that I would be proud to have you as my son/daughter.

Continue on doing what you are doing and I don't even have to tell you to look out for jobs because I know from how you have written this post that you are well capable of knowing what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Keep up the good work.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Sorry but your mam sounds like a <mod snip>. What a nasty way to go on. If I were you I'd avoid her for a while. Honestly you don't have to explaing the <mod snip> obvious to her, if she asks why you've no permanent job or a house, hand her the newspaper and walk out. Honestly OP, it sounds like you've been self-sufficient for years, why are you so worried about someone who (from the sounds of it) is not very supportive and is more interested in putting you down? Honestly OP, I really would be taking a step back from her if she makes you feel this bad, mother or not.

Oh and by the way, fair <mod snip> balls to you on teaching yourself 2 languages, getting a masters, getting an internship in an EU Institute and travelling and working in other countries BY YOURSELF. Look at all that written down and give yourself a pat on the back, you're doing brilliantly, a million billion miles away from being a waster.

Best of luck, hopefully something permanent will come up soon for you.

deisemum

If my teenagers end up with half as much get up and go, get your good education and have the drive to get off their arses and travel like you have I'll be very proud of them.

I'm probably around the same age as your mum and I had to emigrate in the early 80's but I can remember for most females I knew back then their main aim in life was to get married and have children and to get a job after school or college to finance their social life until the met a man they'd marry.

I can guarantee you there are a lot of people only a few years older than you who got caught up in the "must have house" etc who are now under immense financial pressure struggling to repay massive debts who'd envy your life.

Just read back over your achievements so far and be proud of yourself and don't take heed of her when she starts trying to criticise what you're doing.

Roisy7

Going by the thread title I was expecting a very different scenario.

But you have achieved so much! Her attitude seems very old fashioned, that you are a failure because you haven't a "job for life" or bought a house.

I'm sorry but has she had her head in the sand for the last five years?! If you had bought a house you'd be saddled with negative equity and even though houses are cheaper now they're still hardly affordable.

I would just ignore her and try to not to let her upset you. You are doing your best in very difficult circumstances and if she can't see that that's not your problem....

Oh and maybe point her to some newspapers articles about the "current climate", youth unemployment etc and give her a dose of reality :mad:

Lunni

Thanks for the replies.

It's not that owning a house is my goal, but my mam thinks it's something I should be able to do by the time I'm 30. I'm not too bothered about it now, but I would like to buy at some point. Probably not Ireland, I prefer the UK as there are more opportunities and my friends are mostly there. My mam just doesn't get how hard it is, just doesn't get it. She goes on about how she scrimped and saved for 2 years to get the deposit, but if you scrimped and saved for 2 years now, you'd have a fraction of a deposit! She doesn't get that both house prices and rent are so much higher than they were.

She thinks I should have a permanent, secure job with a pension and all that. It doesn't help that my younger sister has such a job, but she's a very different person to me. My sister has a head for figures and has gone into accountancy - I just couldn't do that and I'd be so miserable! But my mam thinks if she can do it, I can do it.

I don't know what her deal is. She has always been very odd. I wouldn't say she isn't proud of me underneath, but I don't think she's ever appreciated what a good kid I was. I remember her tutting and rolling her eyes when I started teaching myself Spanish at 14. She thought it was a waste of time and a distraction from my schoolwork...most of my friends were out drinking in fields every night and sleeping around! I think if I'd been hard work, she might appreciate now how responsible I've always been, but she takes it for granted and expects more and more and more.

She's also obsessed with money. Anything I spend money on, I've been ripped off. I have to have massages for a health problem I have and she's always going on as if I'm really extravagant. If I do buy new clothes or shoes (I get nearly everything in charity shops), she makes me feel like I shouldn't have. I took one week's holiday in May to do a Spanish course in Spain - dirt cheap - and she's still talking about that. I'm not saying I never get any money from my parents. They did help me during college and afterwards and they do pay for my flights home to see them at Christmas etc. My dad offered to pay for a hotel for me to stay at because I need to go to the UK for a small operation. I appreciate that very much. My mum thinks I should pay for all this myself and never buy myself anything nice. She's probably right, but I'd go insane if I couldn't have the odd treat now and then. What would be the point? She sacrificed and ended up with a house, I'd sacrifice and end up a few hundred quid better off.

I don't know if she's jealous of me, but I know she thinks I'm spoiled. I don't think that's true because I've never met anyone else who thought so. She is from a working class background and I've probably had opportunities she didn't have, but I've worked very hard. They've never paid a penny for my schooling or anything, I went to a normal school and worked hard. She's definitely jealous that I've travelled, but travel is my biggest passion and I nearly always go abroad to work there. She doesn't really get this either, she thinks I'm here in Spain having some sort of holiday. I work until 10pm almost every night, teaching difficult kids with behavioural problems. It's incredibly stressful. I come home, eat and go to bed. Not saying it's an awful life, but she could and would never be able to do it.

Anyway, I'm ranting now.

Roisy7

Lunni wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

It's not that owning a house is my goal, but my mam thinks it's something I should be able to do by the time I'm 30. I'm not too bothered about it now, but I would like to buy at some point. Probably not Ireland, I prefer the UK as there are more opportunities and my friends are mostly there. My mam just doesn't get how hard it is, just doesn't get it. She goes on about how she scrimped and saved for 2 years to get the deposit, but if you scrimped and saved for 2 years now, you'd have a fraction of a deposit! She doesn't get that both house prices and rent are so much higher than they were.

She thinks I should have a permanent, secure job with a pension and all that. It doesn't help that my younger sister has such a job, but she's a very different person to me. My sister has a head for figures and has gone into accountancy - I just couldn't do that and I'd be so miserable! But my mam thinks if she can do it, I can do it.

I don't know what her deal is. She has always been very odd. I wouldn't say she isn't proud of me underneath, but I don't think she's ever appreciated what a good kid I was. I remember her tutting and rolling her eyes when I started teaching myself Spanish at 14. She thought it was a waste of time and a distraction from my schoolwork...most of my friends were out drinking in fields every night and sleeping around! I think if I'd been hard work, she might appreciate now how responsible I've always been, but she takes it for granted and expects more and more and more.

She's also obsessed with money. Anything I spend money on, I've been ripped off. I have to have massages for a health problem I have and she's always going on as if I'm really extravagant. If I do buy new clothes or shoes (I get nearly everything in charity shops), she makes me feel like I shouldn't have. I took one week's holiday in May to do a Spanish course in Spain - dirt cheap - and she's still talking about that. I'm not saying I never get any money from my parents. They did help me during college and afterwards and they do pay for my flights home to see them at Christmas etc. My dad offered to pay for a hotel for me to stay at because I need to go to the UK for a small operation. I appreciate that very much. My mum thinks I should pay for all this myself and never buy myself anything nice. She's probably right, but I'd go insane if I couldn't have the odd treat now and then. What would be the point? She sacrificed and ended up with a house, I'd sacrifice and end up a few hundred quid better off.

I don't know if she's jealous of me, but I know she thinks I'm spoiled. I don't think that's true because I've never met anyone else who thought so. She is from a working class background and I've probably had opportunities she didn't have, but I've worked very hard. They've never paid a penny for my schooling or anything, I went to a normal school and worked hard. She's definitely jealous that I've travelled, but travel is my biggest passion and I nearly always go abroad to work there. She doesn't really get this either, she thinks I'm here in Spain having some sort of holiday. I work until 10pm almost every night, teaching difficult kids with behavioural problems. It's incredibly stressful. I come home, eat and go to bed. Not saying it's an awful life, but she could and would never be able to do it.

Anyway, I'm ranting now.

The more I read about your mother's behaviour the more I think that you should ignore her. She seems very old-fashioned in her outlook and bitter with it.

I think that there is an unfair expectation placed on you, and that you've never received any real encouragement from her. My mother would have been delighted if I showed any initiative in the language front

Her attitude about the houseowning, the money, and the work you're doing is out with the ark. So seeing as you didn't go drinking in fields and sleeping around, it's time for a little teenage rebellion now.

It's none of her business if you go to Brown Thomas and spend thousands on a handbag, so just tell her to butt out when you buy something new! If you're in Spain how does she know what you're spending/ if you're getting massages etc? She seems like a domineering character and you don't have to tell her everything you know. If she's bitter about her own background, that's not your responsibility. Surely she would want you to have a better life than her? I didn't grow up with much money and I know I don't want that for my own kids when I have them.

As for the homeowning craic. The attitude that you must own your own home got many people in Ireland into severe trouble. So all you have to do the next time she rants on about a deposit for a house is say something like, "You know Mary down the road? Herself and her husband are stuck in a negative equity house paying off a mortgage and he's lost his job. I think I'd prefer to rent until I have more money."

She isn't in the real world.

Lunni

I try not to tell her about anything I do/buy but she overhears me talking to my siblings etc. When I was home for Christmas, I asked my brother about Ryanair flights to Oslo because I'd love to go there at Easter. Of course, then it's 'why are you going to Oslo when you have no money bla bla bla'. She thinks I shouldn't take money from my dad for my hospital thing when I can afford to go on holiday. I can see her point, but I spend half my life at the doctor/hospital and sometimes I need a break.

I'm planning a trip to Japan next year because it's my lifelong dream. I'm dreading her finding out because she'll say I should use that money for a deposit, as if a grand is going to go anywhere near being able to afford a deposit.

ChubbyHubby

Your mum seems old fashioned but I can see where she is coming from. You yourself have said you are in dead end jobs at your age and want much more job security in your other thread and yet you are planning to go to all these places with the little money that you have. A grand is not enough for a deposit but you will never have enough for a deposit if you never save or willing to consider jobs your not interested but pays better like a secondary school teacher job. You basically do what you want which is a great way to be if you can afford to. If I'm your mum I'd be worried about you and try to get you to focus on getting to be a little bit more financially secure.

RossFixxxed

Why do you care what she thinks? What does it matter if you go abroad and follow a dream?

You are old enough to get moving with your own life (afaik) and you need to cut this out. Don't entertain any of it.

You need to follow your direction in life, and stop listening to what a bitter, sarcastic woman says about it. This will keep holding you back. Why do that?

Anytime these conversations start, just leave. Or flat out say 'no'. You're an adult. Just stop returning calls/texts/visiting etc while this goes on.

Or even better, get some guts and say it to her outright. Say it calmly but firmly. Let this woman know you won't entertain this rubbish anymore. You know what you want, you know what helps you / makes you happy. Go for it! You will end up bitter and resentful towards here and keep trying to match some random standard SHE has for you not what you want.

Don't tell her anything about your plans, don't discuss them when she brings it up. The most powerful word sometimes is NO.

Best of luck OP, but I have to say this again: get some self respect and guts and stop this absolute nonsence from her.

RossFixxxed

ChubbyHubby wrote: »

Your mum seems old fashioned but I can see where she is coming from. You yourself have said you are in dead end jobs at your age and want much more job security in your other thread and yet you are planning to go to all these places with the little money that you have. A grand is not enough for a deposit but you will never have enough for a deposit if you never save or can find or willing (refusing to look at jobs you are not interested) to find jobs that pays much better. You basically do what you want which is a great way to be if you can afford to. If I'm your mum I'd be worried about you and try to get you to focus on getting to be a little bit more financially secure.

Sorry to post a second post here, just saw this. Encouragement, helping focus, shaking you up to assess your life is great. But as soon as the OP tries to discuss it she gets sarcastic comments thrown in her face. That's the difference in this case. She sounds horrible, frankly, and if it is not the direction the OP, an adult, wants for their life then it is totally counter productive to allow an insidious passive aggressive woman like that to allow yourself to be reduced to tears.

kat.mac

OP, reading this I feel so lucky to have a mother who definitely has her faults, but has always respected my right and ability to make my own decisions and live my life my own way. She has a huge part of my life and I dread to think how difficult things would be if she had the same attitude yours does. I really feel for you.

However, my dad is very difficult to deal with, very manipulative. It's an awful thing to say about a parent but I guess life can be awful sometimes. It's far easier said than done, but you have to try to lessen the importance you give your mother and her opinions on your life. It took me years to tune my dad out - but I did it, and it's so liberating. I went through stages of anger, sadness, took it out on my other family members and generally had a tough time of it, but it all came together in the end and when it comes to me and my life, there is nothing he can say or do that can upset me. Makes the tough business of actually living so much simpler.

Just to add, I am nearly always perfectly civil to him, and if you saw me interacting with him, you'd hardly be able to guess what's going on in the background. Stress-free for all involved. When he gets on to my sisters I still boil over but I wouldn't be much of a sister if I tuned that out as well.

What I'm saying OP, is that reasoning with your mom, from my own experience, is an utterly futile exercise. You have to make the difficult and conscious decision to "tune out" what your mother thinks about how YOU live YOUR life. You CAN learn to tune her out without making home life impossible or stressful - I'm living proof.

As I said at the start, this is way easier said than done. I am just letting you know what my experience was like, whatever way you decide to deal with the situation I wish you the very best of luck. I hope things get better very soon.

Lunni

ChubbyHubby wrote: »

Your mum seems old fashioned but I can see where she is coming from. You yourself have said you are in dead end jobs at your age and want much more job security in your other thread and yet you are planning to go to all these places with the little money that you have. A grand is not enough for a deposit but you will never have enough for a deposit if you never save or willing to consider jobs your not interested but pays better like a secondary school teacher job. You basically do what you want which is a great way to be if you can afford to. If I'm your mum I'd be worried about you and try to get you to focus on getting to be a little bit more financially secure.

But I AM trying to find something else, that's the whole point. Instead of sitting on the dole in Ireland job searching, I'm over in Spain doing something worthwhile and improving my Spanish and I'm still applying for dozens of jobs every week. My salary right now is low, I'm doing extra private classes on top of my job to get more money and I don't see the point in scrimping and saving to save, say, 700-800 euro to put it in the bank towards a deposit. It's a drop in the ocean. It's not like I can save 5 grand, which would at least go some way towards saving for something big. I get your point, but to be honest, working 10-12 hours a day, working Saturdays, never buying anything and still being miles off ever being able to afford a house...what's the point? I'd literally never have anything pleasant in my life. Travel is the one thing that keeps me going. I can get up on a Saturday morning at 7am to do private classes because that's 50 euro which in a month is 200 euro, which in a few months is enough for long haul flights...it's a realistic goal.

And BTW, I'm not doing what I want. I'm doing what I think is best for me. Believe it or not, being in a foreign country with multiple health issues, no friends, no support and a job I don't really like isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but so far I haven't been successful in applying for anything more permanent.

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Sorry to post a second post here, just saw this. Encouragement, helping focus, shaking you up to assess your life is great. But as soon as the OP tries to discuss it she gets sarcastic comments thrown in her face. That's the difference in this case. She sounds horrible, frankly, and if it is not the direction the OP, an adult, wants for their life then it is totally counter productive to allow an insidious passive aggressive woman like that to allow yourself to be reduced to tears.

Exactly. I'd love to be able to sit down and discuss all this but it always turns into a fight.

Muir

You've done great for yourself, ignore your mam and be proud of yourself. I just wanted to suggest to you that there are a lot of jobs now seeking language skills so your French and Spanish might help you get something like that if you're interested in that kind of work. It is really hard at the moment and I think sometimes older generations don't always know what it's like sending in CV after CV and getting no response, because I know my own parents were able to literally walk into jobs. So don't take it too much to heart - people don't always understand when they haven't experienced the situation.

Lunni

Muir wrote: »

You've done great for yourself, ignore your mam and be proud of yourself. I just wanted to suggest to you that there are a lot of jobs now seeking language skills so your French and Spanish might help you get something like that if you're interested in that kind of work. It is really hard at the moment and I think sometimes older generations don't always know what it's like sending in CV after CV and getting no response, because I know my own parents were able to literally walk into jobs. So don't take it too much to heart - people don't always understand when they haven't experienced the situation.

I search and search for language jobs every day, but most require additional skills I don't have or are really low-paid, dead end customer service jobs that pay worse and have worse prospects than what I'm doing now. I'm hoping to start doing some freelance translation work but no idea how that will go or how much I'd be able to make. I know the logical answer is to train as a secondary teacher of French and Spanish but I really, really, really don't want to do that and never have. I teach kids and teenagers here in Spain and I absolutely hate it. My parents were also able to walk into jobs so they don't really understand.

Neyite

Lunni, having a house was HER dream. You have yours, and it does not include bricks and mortar. She is projecting her dreams onto you, and she approves of your sister in the permanent pensionable job because its what she feels are lovely secure things, along with a house or marriage that you always have. Its kind of old fashioned thinking really - that women need "taken care of" or if they dont, they need the job where they are self sufficient, in case they end up an old maid.

I wouldnt even try to explain any more with her to be honest. The next time she kicks off just tell her that you are not discussing it with her, and leave the room or change the conversation. If it was my mother, I'd be telling her I'm waiting for her to leave me her house in her will, but then my mother can take a joke. It does not sound like yours can. Is she like this with your brother/ other siblings about other areas of their lives or is it just you?

Lunni

Neyite wrote: »

Lunni, having a house was HER dream. You have yours, and it does not include bricks and mortar. She is projecting her dreams onto you, and she approves of your sister in the permanent pensionable job because its what she feels are lovely secure things, along with a house or marriage that you always have. Its kind of old fashioned thinking really - that women need "taken care of" or if they dont, they need the job where they are self sufficient, in case they end up an old maid.

I wouldnt even try to explain any more with her to be honest. The next time she kicks off just tell her that you are not discussing it with her, and leave the room or change the conversation. If it was my mother, I'd be telling her I'm waiting for her to leave me her house in her will, but then my mother can take a joke. It does not sound like yours can. Is she like this with your brother/ other siblings about other areas of their lives or is it just you?

Yes, she does think I need taken care of. She always comments on how little my boyfriend makes (he's a TEFL teacher too) and 'jokes' about how I should find someone richer. My sister is living with a doctor. Of course. My mam thinks she's great because my dad has a well-paid job but they have been sleeping in separate rooms for years. She spent my entire childhood complaining about him and turning me against him and now she's acting like everything is great and I should do the same. If anything, my parents are a prime example of money not buying happiness. My mam used to call me spoiled as a teenager because we had a lovely big house and massive TV and nice clothes and trips to America and I was still miserable. I was miserable because my parents couldn't stand each other and treated each other and us like sh1t half the time. It's not worth it!

judgefudge

You sound like a very successful person OP. you're still really young. I'm nearly 25 and haven't achieved nearly that much!

Bottom line here is live your life how you want to and ignore your mother. Her judgement is obviously not perfect. If she continues to make snide remarks sit her down and tell her you don't want to hear it. If she continues then just walk away when she starts. It's not worth stressing over.

Abi

My mum was always harsh on all of us too. She ran errands for the family as a girl, and was treated slightly harder than the others as she was the eldest (shes in her early sixties now). I'm the eldest of my lot and I always got treated the harshest, but you weren't allowed five minutes between school / college / courses before you were expected to have bagged a job.

There are plenty of people her own age that understand the changes in the economy and the real state the country is in, but I've always gotten a sense of resentment from her.

Stop taking your mums nastiness to heart. As everyone else said, you've done very well for yourself, and you should be very proud. Let the comments fall off you like water off a ducks back, because a talented, skilled person like you will not stay unemployed for long. Stay strong and focused

PurplePoodle

Your mum sounds kind of like mine...

My older sister has a degree from Oxford, a husband and two kids, but my mum complains because she's "wasting" her degree raising the kids. She worked for 10 years before she got pregnant.

My older brother has a degree from Oxford, a Phd, a pretty decent job in the USA, his wife is a lawyer and is pregnant with their first child. My mum thinks it's awful that she's only taking 6 months maternity leave and the kid will have to go to a nursery, and also complains because my brother spent so many years studying instead of getting a job (though he wouldn't have the job he does now if he hadn't done the Phd).

I also have a degree, and have worked consistently since graduating, I don't have an awesome job but it's OK. My mum complains at me because I'm not settling down and having kids and I don't own a house. I'm 29.

Meh. Whatever any of us do, I don't think she'll be happy! At some point I think you just have to accept that and do what you want to do regardless. Just try not to take it to heart I guess.

WumBuster

Just ignore her, op. You do what you want to do with your life or whatever makes you happy.You and your mum are two different people. Ok, its natural for any parent to want to see their kids doing well, but if she keeps it up you might need to spell it out to her that its your life and you dont want to hear anymore of this nonsense out of her. It's her trying to control you by making you feel inadequate and a constant disappointment to her. Dont let it get to you.

simonsays1

You have done amazing!! Do not let those comments effect you please do not. My goodness- your mother lacks understanding. Trust me when I say this......if you had the job/house of HER dreams, there will always be something else you should be doing by her accord, so you will never win!
Ignore ignore ignore!
You seem like a motivated chap! This is going to test your mental strength but you can do it!!!