Don't Know What To Do

LegacyUser

I broke up with my girlfriend over Christmas. We had been going out for close to two years. It was really good for the first year and I couldn't have been more in love but throughout the second year we seemed to do a lot of fighting (mostly over nothing). She suggested that we should take a break and i agreed. I wish I could start all over again with her because I know I made a lot of mistakes with her and I must admit that most of the arguments started over something stupid that I did and I was often too stubborn to apologise to her. We both said how much we loved each other and that we'd both miss each other so much.

Then in the past few days since we broke up I found out that she cheated on me in the last few months. She had kissed someone before but I accepted that it was a mistake and she promised she'd never do it again. She sent me a few texts saying that she still loves me (and I do believe her as foolish as that may sound) and misses me so much. I didn't mention that I knew anything even though I felt like telling her I knew because it's killing me inside. I want her to know so bad that I know she cheated on me but I'm also afraid if I bring it up then we'll never see each other again. I realise this sounds pathethic but I'm still so in love with her even though I know she cheated on me.

Any suggestions on what I should do would be greatly appreciated. Should I tell her I know or should I just let it go?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Its not pathetic to still love her and want her back. Just because she cheated on you does not mean you can just turn your feelings off. Most people who have been cheated on will go through these feelings. So whatever you do don't feel pathetic.

I don't know whether your relationship can be salvaged or not. My only recommendation would be that for closure, and if you want the relationship to work, you need to have an open and frank conversation with her. About everything, including the cheating. Unless you try again with a clean slate and all your issues sorted out it will never work. Whatever you choose to do good luck!

Lorna123

Her heart was obviously not in this relationship towards the end and she wanted to get out, so hence the breakup. Forget about what she did or didn't do, none of that matters now. There were problems in the relationship at the time this happened.

What you could do now is just give her all the space she needs and if she comes back to you, just start anew. We all have doubts from time to time so maybe this break will bring you closer together in the future. Best of Luck.

dannyc31

OP you said it yourself. the second year was spent alot arguing with each other. can you imagine how draining that is on both of your emotions? the other thing is often when people are having problems in relationships they are not sharing that info with their friends and family and therefore every other relationship can seem like fairytales compared to your own further frustrating you both.

this will cause people to react in many ways, her way was to seek out to be loved or feel loved again. hence the cheating. once again not to be excused on her part but thats what happens when people are unhappy with what they have but dont have the tools to address the problems.

there is also nothing wrong with always loving this girl, this may be the case but you may have to move on because it may just not work as a relationship between you both. relationships are very complex things and it takes alot to be just right in them for them to work out and sometimes not alot wrong for them to fail.

i would think about and focus on yourself and your own wants and needs for now and see if in the future you move on in your heart from her and possibly meet someone else as to go back to something that ended the way it did does not suggest to me there is much basis for success.

IrishEyes19

well to be honest,OP, I wouldnt take anyone back or get back with anyone without letting them know, I was aware that they cheated. And tbh, I wouldnt get back with a cheater in the first place.

But if you choose to get back with her, and let her away with the idea that she has cheated and wasn't caught. In my opinion, you are setting up a pattern where by she knows she could do it again, and second that you are condoning it and never likely to find out.

I'd also add that it takes two people to form a relationship and right now you are letting her take the reigns, as much as you love this girl, you are letting her over-shadow you, whether she knows it or not. Who cares if she chooses to take umbridge over you telling her she cheated on you. that is your right and if she dictates everything like that, well then this relationship was not right for you, from the beggining.

tinted rose glasses are a wonderful thing, OP, but the first few months and year of all relationships are usually bliss, its moments like this that the real test takes place and I really think you could do better. Dont find yourself here again next year, worn down and wrecked from dealing with this. I say cut your losses and try and move on. sweet texts and talking are grand, but if she wanted more, she'd be there and say it directly. best of luck